For that, you need to argue with Jesus...
Jhn 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.
Nicodemus, the Sanhedrin member who came to Jesus with questions asked this, which prompted Jesus' response above:
Jhn 3:1-2 ¶ There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews: 2 The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that thou doest, except God be with him.
Jesus responded, and Nicodemus had your question:
Jhn 3:4 Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born?
Jhn 3:5-8 Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and [of] the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. 6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again. 8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.
Jhn 3:9 Nicodemus answered and said unto him, How can these things be?
Jhn 3:10 Jesus answered and said unto him, Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things?
So, are you asking "how" one can be born again, or how one can be "born again?"
The answer will change based on the emphasis of your question. One is "born again" when God performs the act of salvation in the spiritually dead person. We cannot "birth" ourselves. That is true. That sort of throws a damper on any human-based concept of salvation, i.e., "we come to Christ in faith." Merely knowing or claiming the name of Christ is not salvific if God does not cause one to be "born again."
Earlier in his gospel, John said this, which ties in:
Jhn 1:12-13 But as many as received him [Jesus], to them gave he power to become the sons of God, [even] to them that believe on his name: 13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.
Peter agrees:
1Pe 1:23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.
Again, we see clearly that it is not the will of man, nor one's birth that causes a salvific relationship with God through Jesus Christ, but in fact, a re-birth.
2Cr 5:17 Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
What I have seen over the years is a distinct mis-application, misunderstanding, or even a deliberate mis-guiding concerning these texts concerning a spiritual re-birth.
I came out of the Lutheran tradition, and not once do I recall (in almost 20 years of church life, including instruction in both Luther's and Kurth's Catechism) hearing a single word about being born again. I switched to a Wesleyan tradition when I joined the United Methodist church. Same there. I studied their catechism and was accepted for membership in the church, and married there, but nary a word about being "born again."
Since then, I've become "born again" myself, not through my efforts, but because God came seeking me out while I hated Him. I've mentioned loosing our son, what I haven't said (at least I don't think I did) was that we cursed God and died during that event. We told the pastor (and God) to stuff his church right up his blankety-blank-blank, in no uncertain terms and walked away from "religion" and God, and His church, and His Bible, seemingly forever.
It was while I was hardened in that state that God came to me, and I praise Him every day for what He did!
You see, we can come to God -- of course we can come to God. Millions do! We can take His Word and learn it. We can build huge or small churches, fill them with congregations, who have all came to God. We can wrap our lives around coming to God. We can sing hymns, write songs, speak prayers, read Scripture, follow the church calendar, and start new congregations, all by "coming to God." All this is very religiously zealous and appears to be the work of authentic Christian faith.
But...
But, unless God comes to us, and we are born again from above, we are nothing more than zealously religious. Unless God comes and makes what was dead, alive, we are just coming to God under our own power and our own works. And, I greatly expect that a bunch of people on this board are in exactly that place. Just like I was once in my life! Unless or until God elects us, calls us, justifies us, regenerates us, adopts us, seals us, indwells us, gives us faith and the power to repent, and works discipline in us through sanctification, ultimately leading to glorification, we are not born again from above, we are merely "religious."
I fully believe that Paul was writing about just these sort of "religious" teachers when he penned:
2Ti 3:5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.