Great job of explaining things.
I might add that so many young people respect older people for their wisdom and stability in life. A lot of that is due to the fact that their parents were not home. The problem is that nobody wants to listen a grump who talks about the old days and about himself. Young people cannot talk about the days past what they remember. Most of them are looking forward to life ahead and they also struggle with that too.
Recently I was an interim pastor at a dying church in a city where the average age is 29. I quickly realized that the church had some of the most selfish people I had ever met. The people who reaching the most young people were older than 45. The music was led by a man who was 27 and he did a great job. I was the oldest person (58) in the church. I realized that a number of the younger people had been to a particular Bible school and a number of them thought they knew more than they really did. Some of the young people were not there to learn but to demonstrate how much they knew and hold to "sound doctrine." I finally told them that as long as there was a divided leadership and they continued to be selfish that I could not help them. The youngest person in leadership was focused on finances and the oldest were reaching people.
I think the one quality a church must have is love. Love must be demonstrated by an absence of self and putting others first. Young people can learn to be selfish or selfless by our example. I have never seen a dead or dying church that was always selfless unless the town died.
The percentage of people who come to Christ under 18 is huge and the percentage over 50 is close to zero. When I was in AZ I saw older people who came for the sole purpose of reaching people their age and they did. For us to reach people we must go where they are.
The an who got me started in business had young people around him all the time. When he died there were more people at his funeral that attendance in that church. In fact there was not enough room in the gymnasium and sanctuary. So they had to set up a system outside for people to see and hear. The service lasted 3 hours. People from all ages were there.
I firmly believe that people expect others to act their age, but they do not care to be around selfish people. Recently I met with a young pastor each week to help him learn how to make disciples. He is now involved in planting a church in another city. Many of our discussions were about the things he struggled with in pastoring. Over and over I tried to keep him focused on what God wanted from him and how he would reach those that others were not reaching. I told him about some of the struggles I had when I was his age and how God blessed in some incredible ways that I least expected.
Id love you to come up to New Jersey and try to work your magic Church here....there is a whole other dynamic & within 6 months you will be running for the hills. LOL!