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From Babylon Bee: Calvinist Researchers Complete Development Of Elect Detector

Discussion in 'Calvinism & Arminianism Debate' started by Revmitchell, Apr 15, 2017.

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  1. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    MARIETTA, GA—In an attempt to increase evangelistic efficiency, Calvinist scientists working at Reformed Theological Seminary’s School of Research have isolated the “elect gene” in test subjects, and have successfully engineered an electronic detector to help evangelists focus their efforts only on those God has preordained unto salvation from eternity past, sources confirmed Tuesday.


    “We found that entire sermons and evangelistic opportunities were being wasted on the ears of those destined to damnation,” head of missions research Dr. Cal Perkins told reporters. “Now we can focus our efforts on calling only God’s chosen people to faith and repentance.”

    According to Dr. Perkins, an early field test of the detector showed a promising increase of nearly 400% in the efficiency of missionary work.

    Calvinist Researchers Complete Development Of Elect Detector | The Babylon Bee
     
    #1 Revmitchell, Apr 15, 2017
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  2. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    From the article:

    At publishing time, nearly half the student body at the seminary had been expelled as the prototype device indicated that they were not elect after all.



    Sent from my Motorola Droid Turbo.
     
    #2 InTheLight, Apr 15, 2017
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  3. TCassidy

    TCassidy Late-Administator Emeritus
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    The whole article was Fake News (also called a "lie") so why shouldn't that part be a lie too?
     
    #3 TCassidy, Apr 15, 2017
  4. InTheLight

    InTheLight Well-Known Member
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    I believe the proper term is 'satire'.

    Sent from my Motorola Droid Turbo.
     
    #4 InTheLight, Apr 15, 2017
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  5. SovereignGrace

    SovereignGrace Well-Known Member
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    They even make fun of themselves.
     
    #5 SovereignGrace, Apr 15, 2017
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  6. MennoSota

    MennoSota Well-Known Member
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    Arminians just came out with a "Truly Saved" detector that will be placed in all hospitals. The detector will reveal if someone has lost their salvation and lead the patient in a prayer of repentance and salvation. For an extra fee the detector will play "Just as I Am" to help create the proper repentant emotion in the patient.
     
    #6 MennoSota, Apr 15, 2017
  7. Yeshua1

    Yeshua1 Well-Known Member
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    And the word of faith came out with one that detects if one has the Holy Ghost, as it intertrtes the tongues to see if real or not!
     
    #7 Yeshua1, Apr 15, 2017
  8. MennoSota

    MennoSota Well-Known Member
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    A switch on the side of the unit can tell you if the laughter is holy or unholy.
     
    #8 MennoSota, Apr 15, 2017
  9. Yeshua1

    Yeshua1 Well-Known Member
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    Also can let you page to vomit out demons...
     
    #9 Yeshua1, Apr 15, 2017
  10. Calv1

    Calv1 Active Member

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    This is blatant Blasphemy, moderators? What this Arminian doesn't understand, aside from the fact that God is furious at him, is that the Arminian CAN'T PRAY FOR ANYONE! Why? For if the Arminian prays for say a unbeliever, he is asking God to violate the unbelievers free will, and oh you can't have that. Not only that, I thought God was fighting day and night to save the unbeliever, yet fails, even though Scripture says He never fails in His will among men?l

    This is just sick and should be taken down, I promise you moderators it's BLASPHEMY, even if you're Arminian want to take a chance? Disagree? Fine, debate? Fine, but blaspheme God's soteriology, His everything, makes me sick
     
    #10 Calv1, Apr 27, 2017
  11. TCassidy

    TCassidy Late-Administator Emeritus
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    If you have a complaint, report the post, give a brief summary of your complaint and the Admin Council will look into it.
     
    #11 TCassidy, Apr 27, 2017
  12. Revmitchell

    Revmitchell Well-Known Member
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    The op is satire. Everyone knows Babylonbee is a satire website. They do satire on a wide range of subjects.
     
    #12 Revmitchell, Apr 28, 2017
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