Joke Thread

I already gave 15 jokes on the Obfuscation thread. But more jokes would be appropriate here.

A weasel goes into bar. The bartender "What can I get you?" "Pop." goes the weasel.

I miss the days when we were young. We'd roll each other down a hill in tires.
Those were good years.

You've got to hand it to short people. They can't reach it on their own,

What do you call a hen who is good at arithmetic?
A mathemachicken.

People say I'm cheap. But I'm not buying it.

 

Fingers are the most reliable part of the human body.
You can count on them.

Yesterday I accidently swallowed some food coloring. My doctor said I was going to be fine.
But I feel that I've died a little bit inside.

Being a waiter isn't a bad job.
It puts food on the table.

What do you call that soft tissue between the teeth of a shark?
A slow swimmer.

What do you call it when two celebrities fight?
Star Wars.

 

Do you know what happens when you cross a cop with a skunk?
Law and odor.

I remember back in the day when I was held captive by some mimes.
They did some unspeakable things to me.

My friend had a big argument with his wife about doing the laundry.
Eventually his wife folded.

What do you call an old snowman?
Water.

Are people born with a photographic memory --Or does it take time to develop?

 

What's the hardest thing about being a cross-eyed teacher?
Controlling your pupils.

You may think it's funny to kiss someone with a runny nose.
It's not. (snot)

I had an argument with a friend about what vowel was most important.
I won.

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

My horse won't come out of the stable until it's dark.
It's becoming a nightmare.