JonC--thanks for the clarity. I had misunderstood you.
When I referred to the church as a family I was thinking of those types where nobody so much as has dinner with someone not a member of that church. No being on a regular bowling league at a normal alley, but have to find a church league at a church alley. That sort of thing.
I do still believe when a church is properly evangelizing (which includes initial salvation, understanding and accepting the Lordship of Christ, and discipling growth) there will naturally be deep friendships formed and close fellowship.
My argument is only that when churches get the cart before the horse, as in "come hang with us we won't bother you with repentance and salvation" as some less good versions of the church growth movement have you do it is a problem.
If we keep the main thing the main thing (evangelism) we grow healthy, close knit but not enmeshed churches.