Bad Advice Only

[convicted1]

I can't get my husband to eat veggies

Fix them with bacon grease. That makes them taste better, and adds some protein to make them healthier for him.



My chair won't quit squeaking........

 

[Deacon]

It's probably just heartburn, take an antacid.

Rob

 

[SaggyWoman]

Rob

No. Just ask for it to borrow.


It is cold in McDonalds. What should I do?

 

[Benjamin]

It is cold in McDonalds. What should I do?

Hold a cup of their coffee between your legs.

Having to wait a week to recieve the results of my National Physical Therapy Board Exam is driving me crazy!

 

[Salty]

Having to wait a week to recieve the results of my National Physical Therapy Board Exam is driving me crazy!

get a job on a garbage truck for the next week


How do I get my Dish Satellite to work on my Cable TV

 

[SaggyWoman]

How do I get my Dish Satellite to work on my Cable TV

Clean it with Dawn Dishwashing liquid while you are hooking it up.




I am tired of hearing the election ads.

 

[mont974x4]

I am tired of hearing the election ads.

run for office yourself. Start now and get all the good time slots for the next election.




I'm out of lemonade.

 

[Palatka51]

I'm out of lemonade.

My drive way is paved with "lime" stone. I will send you some lime rock to mix with water to make some limeade instead.



Salty is selling Fords, How do I get Salty to give me an 85% discount so I can buy a new Ford with cash?

 

[Salty]

My drive way is paved with "lime" stone. I will send you some lime rock to mix with water to make some limeade instead.



Salty is selling Fords, How do I get Salty to give me an 85% discount so I can buy a new Ford with cash?

We will raise the price 200% then give you the 85%


How do we end this silly thread

 

[Palatka51]

We will raise the price 200% then give you the 85%


How do we end this silly thread

Keep offering cars at a 200% markup and this thread will close post haste.......



How would you make me a milk shake?

 

[mont974x4]

How would you make me a milk shake?

Do I look like Harry Potter? How am I supposed to make you a milk shake when God made you a person?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Do I look like Harry Potter? How am I supposed to make you a milk shake when God made you a person?

Put Mont974.4 in the blender.


I think Obama will win. What can I do now?

 

[Salty]

I think Obama will win. What can I do now?

move to Sealand


the landlady wants me to rake the leaves, but I don't have a rake

 

[mont974x4]

use a set of salad tongs



My second toe is longer than my big toe.

 

[jilphn1022]

use a set of salad tongs



My second toe is longer than my big toe.

Allow your big toe's nail to grow long enough so both the second toe and big toe will be the same length.


What should I do with all of these egg cartons?

 

[SaggyWoman]

What should I do with all of these egg cartons?

Cut them apart, knit them together into bags, and give them away at Christmas.



My lips are chapped.

 

[jilphn1022]

According to Mayo Clinic, you should breathe through your nose...
or I would suggest that you get a pair of chaps to go with your chapped lips.


I have a hanged fingernail

 

[SaggyWoman]

I have a hanged fingernail

Use a sander and push it back.


I am at the beach and don't want to go home.

 

[saturneptune]

Vote Democrat.

 

[saturneptune]

If you do not have a chair to sit in, sit on your fist and lean back on your thumb.