I have not become a member of my wife's church and remain a member of my former Baptist Church in SC and for one major reason and that is their position on alcohol. My wife's church thinks its some deep sin to even have a sip and will not allow liberty in this area. My previous church did not go that far and gave people liberty. I am a regular attender, but I cannot bow to the membership of a church that takes such a militant view on alcohol and all of this without looking at the evidences in the book God Gave Wine which I have been reading. I know its sad and my wife is madly in love with the church, but I just do not wish to lie or to bow to the wishes of someone that wants to control me and act as the Holy Spirit.
So I guess indefinitely I will be a regular attender and not a member. Its really too bad.... I can still tithe even not a member.
I think that you may need to evaluate the stance on alcohol as a test of membership. I say this for two reasons.
First, this is such a minor issue. If it is really what is keeping you from becoming a member then it seems that there actually may be an issue, but not with that church. When Paul speaks of Christian liberty it is not to avoid becoming entangled with the “weaker” brother -instead he speaks of liberty that is tempered by love to strengthen one another. If we are not careful, we may look at our liberty as a personal liberty rather than being liberated in Christ. This is self-centered and IMHO this type of liberty is sin.
Second, if I remember correctly, did you not (at one time) advocate abstinence rather than moderation because of the subjectivity of moderation and personal convictions against drinking. While not strictly forbidden by Scripture, it may lead to health issues (if abused, which is not normally the intent of the social drinker but often the outcome)? If I remember correctly, then it was a matter of conscience rather than a biblical dictate against alcohol. If so, you may want to revisit the reasons that you abandoned these convictions, where your conscience definitively changed, and why you would hold this liberty in such esteem so as to prevent you from becoming a part of a local congregation instead of remaining a guest.
I once read that five ways we can be different from the world and stand in our culture are: Spirit; Speech; Stewardship; Sobriety; and Story. I believe this issue to be a matter of conscience, but the trump card is always brotherly love.
Christian liberties are not rights that we exercise for our benefit or enjoyment - they are exercised for the glory of God. In your case, perhaps it is glorifying God to say that your conscience allows you to drink - but you refrain for Christ’s sake to uplift your brethren.
How does your wife, as she is a member of this church, reconcile drinking with the church's stance?