Calvinism Made Me Doubt My Salvation

[Dave G]

I recently attempted to reach out to two well-known Calvinist theologians for spiritual advice, and it seems that they wanted to dismiss my cries for help and have my local church deal with it. That hurt me. I felt the need to reexamine why I'm experiencing such hopelessness.

I'm not sure I understand the situation.
In my place, the first thing I would have done is to seek the Lord for answers, and then talk to someone that I knew personally and for a long time...
A friend and a brother in Christ, especially one who knows the Scriptures very well.
But there have been times that I felt the need to talk to someone that everyone else viewed and treated as a pastor, as well.

Regardless of whether or not they are "well-known", I suspect they felt that someone who is a bit closer to you, locally, would have been better for you to talk to rather than them reaching out over whatever distance separates you from them.

 

[Dave G]

Could it be that God really is not willing for any to perish, but for all to come to repentance?

Could it be that whoever taught you 2 Peter 3:9, did so not realizing the context...
That He is not willing that any of His beloved perish, but that they all come to repentance?

Knowing that would be a great comfort to me as a believer.

Could it be that God wants all people to be saved and come to know the truth?

It could be, but it isn't.
If He wanted that to happen, then it would come to pass because the Bible tells us that He is in control, and nothing that is His will does not come to pass....
Regardless of what appears to contradict that.

Even Adam's fall was foreseen by Him, and His plan to send His Son to give Himself a ransom for us was in place at that time.

Still, all those who have truly believed on Christ can take great comfort in knowing that He made them part of the "all" in 2 Timothy 2, and we know who the all are by the context given to us in other places:
The saved out of every tongue, tribe and nation, His elect both Jew and Gentile.

 

[Dave G]

If He does, then I have comfort knowing that forgiveness is available for me. If not, then I have no reason to believe that I'm one of the elect and might as well give up my faith entirely.

Forgiveness has always been available for those who have heard and believed His words, who have trusted in Him for salvation and who truly want to repent of their sins.
A person's being one of His elect is not dependent upon their lack of knowledge or misunderstanding of His word at a given time, as He promises that all those who have truly believed on His Son will be led into all truth.

I accepted Christ as my savior as a young child and have believed it with all my heart ever since then.

Just going by the statement and not knowing anything else about you, it looks to me as if you are one of His elect, as every one of us starts out very much the same as what you have just expressed in the above.

As I see it, any misunderstanding about who the elect are and what their characteristics are, can be cleared up by studying God's word over time, and letting the Scriptures alone have their say in all matters.

It was those 2 Calvinists that convinced me to become a Calvinist in the first place

The truth of God's word is what should convince anyone of anything;
I encourage you to study it, my friend, and forget what anyone ever tried to teach you about how and why any of us are saved in the first place.

God is your Teacher, not men ( John 6:45, 1 Corinthians 2:6-16, Hebrews 8:10-13, 1 John 2:20-27 ).
Going to men and their institutions for your understanding of it should be the last thing that anyone who has trusted in Him, should ever do.

We should go to Him in faith, knowing that He will reveal all things to us in time and through the Holy Spirit that dwells within each and every one of us who believes.

 

[Dave G]

@Regulus

I sympathize with you and your situation, because I've been in similar situations...
Though not a divorce, it was other things that I have done and been involved in.

I will pray that the Lord help you and show you His love.

With all the above in mind, please know that God promises that all things will work together for good for them that love God, for them who are the called according to His purpose.
It was them that He foreknew, predestined, called to a relationship with Him, justified and glorified ( Romans 8:28-30 ), and it is them, "the whosoever believeth", from the heart, that He has promised that nothing...not divorce, not their sins, not other people, nothing...

Shall separate them from the love of God:

" What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God’s elect? [It is] God that justifieth.
34 Who [is] he that condemneth? [It is] Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [shall] tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ( Romans 8:31-30 )

May He bless you in many ways.