Now, Ladies and Gentlemen! If I can have your attention for an important broadcast!
Get the scene:
Its halftime at the Super Bowl and the FCC is having a bad time trying to sort things out!!! Seems that MTV's Janet Jackson and Mister Timberlake have been acting rather "beastly!!" and the FCC has called on Blackbird for help!!
It just so happens that Blackbird is the officlal Head Referee of the game on the field---and has told FCC officials that he has captured it all on film!!! The FCC has given Blackbird the "power of attorney" to regulate and make the final decision for them---based on what the game officals have captured on film!!!
Blackbird will view the event on the "Instant Replay" camera on the sidelines! The crowd is silent!!! You can hear a pen drop!! Janet Jackson's heart is going, "Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang! Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!!" Timberlake is in the hands of my other official referee's and lines judges!!!
Blackbird is peerin' into the camera!!! He tells his chief lines judge, Dan Todd, to take a look--see what he can see!! Dan forgot his glasses at home and can't see the replay well and wants to take another look!!! Blackbird abliges!! The Camera official, Gib, is up in the press box---he's gonna see if he can rewind the tape one more time without it tearing up!!! He don't want the same thing happening two times in a row!!! "There's been ENOUGH rippin' and tearin' in this halftime performance already!!", says Blackbird to Gib through the referee's head phone monitor!!!!
After Dan has had his second look---Blackbird looks again! And again!! There's somethin' there---he can't tell, though!! Blackbird thinks to himself, "I'm gonna haff ta do somethin' about this astigmatism!! I about can't half see what's happenin'!!!" And then Blackbird decides he's gonna "make a decision" based on facts and not fiction!!! He then waves at Gib up in the Press Box---the hand signal for "That'll be enough!!! I've made my decision!!!"
Blackbird grabs the microphone for the stadium's Public Address System---CBS officials are setting up their microphones as well!!!
"UPON FURTHER REVIEW, THE OFFICIAL HEAD REFEREE HAS MADE A JUDGMENT CONCERNING THE EPISODE IN QUESTION!! IT IS FOUND THAT, YES, THERE HAS BEEN SOME SORE OF FOWL PLAY INVOLVED!! THEREFORE, THE HEAD REFEREE WILL ASK THE PATRIOT FIELD GOAL KICKER TO COME IN AND ATTEMPT TO KICK MISTER TIMBERLAKE OUT OF THE STADIUM!!!!! AND FURTHERMORE, IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN---BLACKBIRD WILL CANCEL THIS SUPER BOWL GAME AS WELL AS OTHERS IN THE FUTURE IF MTV DOESN'T DO SOMETHING TO CLEAN THEIR LITTLE ACTS UP!!! DOES THE REFEREE MAKE HIMSELF CLEAR!???"
Your Southern Baptist preachin', instant replay reviewin' buddy,
Blackbird
