Mr. Blackbird, sir, Big T has only been in three "eatin' contests" in his life. One was the whole time he had siblings, where he, as the oldest child, had to fend off any feelings of sympathy for those who would pitifully try to get him to give up the last eggo!
The second one he was in was in the company pic-a-nic (thanks Yogi Bear!) and had to eat more hamburgers and hot dogs than anyone else. There were many mighty eaters in said contest, many whom were much more ro-TON-ed than Big T and had bigger fanny packs, saddle bags, and hang-overs (and I don't mean the drinkin' kind, though many of them did drink) to fill than Big T had!
Big T lost by less than 1/2 of a burger! Big Wilma ate, could eat, and probably still is eating, more than THREE Big T's could ever consume in one sitting!
The last eatin' contest was a very sad affair for Big T, for he was disqualified, though he did eat the most corn dogs (42). It was during the announcement that Big T revealed he had a big secret and "spilled his guts" on the judge!
What a travesty of justice to allow a little Laotian woman beat him. What disgrace! <<<<BLUSHES>>>>>>
If only the stupid shaking would stop. 
