Dealing with a wife that overspends too often

[Salty]

This may be a good idea, but it would also mean I won't be able to track expenses in quicken, so there are drawbacks. But yes logically this may be a better idea. However she has to also agree.

What do you think of the joint checking account with countersigning.

 

[evangelist6589]

What do you think of the joint checking account with countersigning.

Whats that?

 

[Amy.G]

I think a thread should be started entitled "Dealing with husbands who whine about their wives on discussion boards".

Wonder how that would go over..... :tonofbricks:

 

[gb93433]

Many years ago my wife and I decided to write down everything we spent each day for a period of about three months. We also agreed to delay eve4ry purchase (unless it was a necessity such as food) for two weeks. It was amazing how often we forgot what we wanted. We also set a goal of saving so many dollars each month. So each time we got a pay check we put the agreed amount in a CD. At first my wife felt it was terribly restrictive. At the end of that year we saved way more than we thought we could or would. We also had a savings goal and another large purchase goal such as buying a home. At the end of that year we never looked back and it was encouraging to see how much we saved and gave. When savings and giving are off the top it is much easier than to try and save and give from what is left over.

 

[Don]

Wrong! I decided my OP of the other church was a bad idea based on what others have said here as they persuaded me logically and in a gentle tone. Also the comments about counseling is a very good idea, but she has to also agree to it, but the poster that said that I agree with.

If I were actually wrong, I would be the only one saying you don't listen to advice -- but I'm not the only one.

If I were actually wrong, you would be thanking people for their advice and letting us know how it worked out -- but instead you continually point out why you can't or won't use those suggestions ... even with those whose "tone" you like.

If I were actually wrong, you would point out how those scriptural examples I provided don't apply to this situation or to you -- but you aren't.

You fall back on using the phrase "my critics" too often. If you don't want analysis and judgment of your posts, don't post. If you ask for advice, then you should be ready to hear things you don't want to hear. It's hard, but it's a part of growth.

What? Does God always tell you "yes" and/or make sure things are easy for you?

 

[Salty]

What do you think of the joint checking account with countersigning.

Whats that?

You simply open a checking account in both of your names
but you both would have to sign the check in order for it to be cashed.

I would recommend that this check account be for joint household bills ie - rent, electricity, cable, ect.

 

[Aaron]

I think a thread should be started entitled "Dealing with husbands who whine about their wives on discussion boards".

Wonder how that would go over..... :tonofbricks:

Trouble is, there is only one BB member who does that. It would be a short thread.

 

[convicted1]

I think a thread should be started entitled "Dealing with husbands who whine about their wives on discussion boards".

Wonder how that would go over.....

Or even better, how 'bout this.....

"A discussion board with husbands dealing with their whining wives?"

OR​

"Whining wives who husbands have dealings with discussion board?"

OR​

"Husband's discussion board dealing with their whining wives?"

:love2: :flower: :wavey:

 

[Rippon]

I think a thread should be started entitled "Dealing with husbands who whine about their wives on discussion boards".

Wonder how that would go over..... :tonofbricks:

On the mark Amy. I think some of us sympathize with Evan's (John's) wife more than he does. One day she will discover the BB --find out her husband's posting history and all the complaints he has made about her here in the public domain and then...

 

[12strings]

Many years ago my wife and I decided to write down everything we spent each day for a period of about three months. We also agreed to delay eve4ry purchase (unless it was a necessity such as food) for two weeks. It was amazing how often we forgot what we wanted. We also set a goal of saving so many dollars each month. So each time we got a pay check we put the agreed amount in a CD. At first my wife felt it was terribly restrictive. At the end of that year we saved way more than we thought we could or would. We also had a savings goal and another large purchase goal such as buying a home. At the end of that year we never looked back and it was encouraging to see how much we saved and gave. When savings and giving are off the top it is much easier than to try and save and give from what is left over.

We use an online budgeting program that is tied in with our bank account & credit card. All our regular, necessary expenses have a set budget amount. Anything above or outside of those amounts gets categorized as "miscellaneous." I think we're about up to 2,000 in that miscellaneous category this year! (about $400 of that was a new Water heater for our home, but still...We buy a couple hundred dollars of extra stuff each month that we could easily cut out if it became dire and necessary. Even though we are overspending our budget, we are not overspending our income, but seeing where it goes is still helpful.

 

[padredurand]

We use an online budgeting program that is tied in with our bank account & credit card. All our regular, necessary expenses have a set budget amount. Anything above or outside of those amounts gets categorized as "miscellaneous." I think we're about up to 2,000 in that miscellaneous category this year! (about $400 of that was a new Water heater for our home, but still...We buy a couple hundred dollars of extra stuff each month that we could easily cut out if it became dire and necessary. Even though we are overspending our budget, we are not overspending our income, but seeing where it goes is still helpful.

I have a foolproof budgeting plan. Take the fool out of the equation. :wavey:

Every other Thursday I pick up my check at the office, go home, sign it on the back and hand it to my wife. She still has her first communion money and she ain't even Catholic. She has account headings for all our expenses starting with our tithe, fixed expenses and discretionary funds for vacations, anticipated future outlays and a reserve fund for just in case you never know expenditures.

Personally, I'd like to go to Bass Pro and lighten their inventory. I told madre it was good for the economy. Now I know if madre ain't buying it I'm not either.

 

[Revmitchell]

Trouble is, there is only one BB member who does that. It would be a short thread.

To be fair to him his wife is not the only thing he whines about. Soooo.......

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

I have a foolproof budgeting plan. Take the fool out of the equation. :wavey:

Every other Thursday I pick up my check at the office, go home, sign it on the back and hand it to my wife. She still has her first communion money and she ain't even Catholic. She has account headings for all our expenses starting with our tithe, fixed expenses and discretionary funds for vacations, anticipated future outlays and a reserve fund for just in case you never know expenditures.

Personally, I'd like to go to Bass Pro and lighten their inventory. I told madre it was good for the economy. Now I know if madre ain't buying it I'm not either.

Gee, that's the same accounting system I use, only my accountant's name is pictured with me her, and her name isn't "Madre." :laugh:

 

[padredurand]

Gee, that's the same accounting system I use, only my accountant's name is pictured with me her, and her name isn't "Madre." :laugh:

Proverbs 31
10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

Just saying....

 

[Sapper Woody]

I am the impulsive spender in my marriage. What helped me was seeing how much of my money was going to nonessentials, and how much money I could have had for other things had I not spent it.

Based on what you write on here, I'd have to disagree with your assessment of your marriage. You claim that finances and the church attendance issue are the only problems in your marriage. But as someone pointed out, these aren't problems, these are symptoms.

I am not going to offer any advice on this other than to say to look deeper. The issue may lie with you and your ability to be a leader. Whenever a problem arises, make it a habit to examine yourself first to sew what you need to change.

In my own case, I'm prideful. It's hard for me to admit when I'm wrong. I have a tendency to blame others due to my prideful view of thinking I can't be wrong. I sense the same thing in you.

 

[thisnumbersdisconnected]

Proverbs 31
10 An excellent wife, who can find?

You and I, apparently. :thumbsup:

For her worth is far above jewels.

AMEN! and I make sure she knows this every single day.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,

No truer words ...

And he will have no lack of gain.

And all I really need is the Lord and her.

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

... and couldn't think of it if she concentrated hard. :laugh:

Just saying....

But it was a mouthful, brother! :love2: <--- for my wife. In fact, I think those little hearts popping all around his head probably follow me around, too.

 

[Luke2427]

This is very difficult and I have tried many times to reason with my wife about her spending habits, but it does not sink in. Talking with the pastor is worthless as he is a people pleaser and would never be stern with anyone.

I know before we married she filed Bankruptcy and has no debts to pay on. Even though she makes more money than me (recently got a raise) and has no debts to pay, she is always borrowing money from me. I had to separate our bank accounts due to her overspending and not leaving me money to pay my own debts.

At the moment I have a good credit score since I always make the min payment, however that may change. I strive to budget every penny and have no new debts, and can always make my min payments on all debts. My wife refuses to see her overspending on things, but insists that going out to eat almost everyday is okay, buying groceries all the time and shopping often is okay and just can't seem to get the picture.

Attempted reasonings have all failed so perhaps the only way I can help her control her overspending would be to say as a consequence of this behavior I am attending the Calvinistic church for this one service and that may teach her, as she does not like me attending any services there, just the men's discipleship.

Ideas??? I am very very frustrated and my patience is being tested.

PS- Other than this area and the Calvinism issue my wife and I have a wonderful relationship.

How is it that she is the one who determines which church you go to? Are you not the head of your house?

I would not give her money until she demonstrates that she is responsible. If she has her own money, let her spend that on her desires. If she decides to not pay the bills that she agreed to pay so that she can spend that money on her shopping sprees, then shut off the cable, shut off the high speed internet, cancel any credit cards you share and whatever else she loves to use that you help pay for.

Be a man. Man up. Put your foot down. Believe what the Bible teaches about male leadership in the home.

 

[Rolfe]

Gee, that's the same accounting system I use, only my accountant's name is pictured with me her, and her name isn't "Madre." :laugh:

My compliments to Mrs. Numbers. I assumed that the lady in your avatars was your daughter.

 

[Don]

How is it that she is the one who determines which church you go to? Are you not the head of your house?

I would not give her money until she demonstrates that she is responsible. If she has her own money, let her spend that on her desires. If she decides to not pay the bills that she agreed to pay so that she can spend that money on her shopping sprees, then shut off the cable, shut off the high speed internet, cancel any credit cards you share and whatever else she loves to use that you help pay for.

Be a man. Man up. Put your foot down. Believe what the Bible teaches about male leadership in the home.

Luke - I agree with your post 100% (as evidenced by my own posts). Be prepared to be told you're not using a godly tone, or that you're a rabbit (critic).

 

[Rolfe]

Luke - I agree with your post 100% (as evidenced by my own posts). Be prepared to be told you're not using a godly tone, or that you're a rabbit (critic).

I doubt that He will even reply. If he wasn't on his ignore list before, he probably is now.