Merit - "deserve or be worthy of (something, esp. reward)"
In Calvinism, man comes to faith by a irresistible divine work of grace. Even so, does that faith merit or earn their salvation? In other words, are men saved by the "works" that God graciously caused them to do? Or are they saved by grace alone and the works are merely an outflow or fruit of that grace?
In non-Calvinism, we believe that faith and repentance are responses to God's gracious provisions...responses for which we are 'responsible' (response-abled). But, even still, the act of repenting or confessing in faith doesn't merit salvation. Someone doesn't deserve to be forgiven because they ask for it. The CHOICE to forgive anyone, even those who humbly confess, is all of Grace. God indeed will give grace to the humble, but its not BECAUSE they are humble, but because he is gracious. Their humility doesn't EARN or MERIT salvation. If not for grace, even the most faith filled and humble people in the world would die and go to hell.
First of all I will address this "response-able" thing you like so much.
No Calvinist has the slightest problem with God making creatures able to respond.
A pendulum is made "response-able". I pull it one way, it responds by rocking the other. It is enabled, in the design of it, to respond to my initial action.
However it is responding EXACTLY as I designed it to respond doing exactly what I preordained it would do. Is it able to respond? Yes. Is it doing exactly what it was made to do? Yes. Is it independent? No.
So... I don't see why you think this "response-able" stuff is any point in your favor.
Secondly, your "non-calvinism" (whatever that means- it could mean ANYTHING) idea of faith has salvation going to the better people.
There is a reason why John chooses Christ and Jack rejects Him.
Either John is smarter or less depraved or whatever. But there is a reason.
So Jack then is dumber or more sinful or whatever.
So in your system, God is still electing to save some and leave the others to damnation.
He is electing to save the smarter or less depraved people.
Unless you have God working harder to reach dumber people or more sinful people to even the playing field.
And if the playing field is evened by such means, then the results will be the exact same.
Like it, lump it, thump it, bump it or jump it there is a REASON why some get in and others do not.
No amount of "cry me a river," emotional, feel my way through theology theology is going to change the facts.