Fleeing from Sexual immorality

[evangelist6589]

I met a woman a few months back on eharmony and we have been chatting via phone, and MSN video chat ever since. She is mature in the Lord, seeks to please him, and is not the prostitute type, or seducing type. We have planed a trip and I will be flying out to see her soon. A buddy of mine works at the airline and is getting the tickets for under $100. A hotel cost on the cheap side would be $180 for 3 days and we have both looked extensively. She is a homeowner and did offer me a room in her house instead. I am leaning towards taking it, but some may say I would be harming my testimony. However as we are both mature in the Lord, and we are not high school or college age, I think it would be okay. I understand for a high school or college type person and the running harmones, but we are both professionals. She has a professional career and one that has paid enough for her to buy a house.

What do you say? I'd hate to have to fork out the $180 or so in hotel fees when I am unemployed, but if necessary I will. I think this would be a good time to take this trip before I find another job.

 

[preacher4truth]

I met a woman a few months back on eharmony and we have been chatting via phone, and MSN video chat ever since. She is mature in the Lord, seeks to please him, and is not the prostitute type, or seducing type. We have planed a trip and I will be flying out to see her soon. A buddy of mine works at the airline and is getting the tickets for under $100. A hotel cost on the cheap side would be $180 for 3 days and we have both looked extensively. She is a homeowner and did offer me a room in her house instead. I am leaning towards taking it, but some may say I would be harming my testimony. However as we are both mature in the Lord, and we are not high school or college age, I think it would be okay. I understand for a high school or college type person and the running harmones, but we are both professionals. She has a professional career and one that has paid enough for her to buy a house.

What do you say? I'd hate to have to fork out the $180 or so in hotel fees when I am unemployed, but if necessary I will. I think this would be a good time to take this trip before I find another job.

Whether or not one is mature, professional, older, &c is beside the point and doesn't matter when walking with God and avoiding temptation or evil. We're still human, and still Christian. It would not be a good testimony on her, nor on you if another found out, and let's not forget we aren't to be ignorant of Satans schemes; 2 Corinthians 2:11, Ephesians 6:11.

- Peace

 

[righteousdude2]

Is Your Witness Worth the Cost?

I met a woman a few months back on eharmony and we have been chatting via phone, and MSN video chat ever since. She is mature in the Lord, seeks to please him, and is not the prostitute type, or seducing type. We have planed a trip and I will be flying out to see her soon. A buddy of mine works at the airline and is getting the tickets for under $100. A hotel cost on the cheap side would be $180 for 3 days and we have both looked extensively. She is a homeowner and did offer me a room in her house instead. I am leaning towards taking it, but some may say I would be harming my testimony. However as we are both mature in the Lord, and we are not high school or college age, I think it would be okay. I understand for a high school or college type person and the running harmones, but we are both professionals. She has a professional career and one that has paid enough for her to buy a house.

What do you say? I'd hate to have to fork out the $180 or so in hotel fees when I am unemployed, but if necessary I will. I think this would be a good time to take this trip before I find another job.

The cost to stay in a hotel/motel is far too little when you consider your overall testimony being put at risk, or comprimised! :tonofbricks:

Granted, staying in the hotel does no guarantee that the two of you will not get caught up in a moment of passion that you will have to resist, however, having a room away for the woman will give you an option/alternative and a place (like Joseph) to flee to should you both become overwhelmed by nature and the "s" word (sin)! :tear:

You seem like an intelligent, Scripturally wise person, who loves the Lord (as does your cyber friend) so it is now up to you to go and make the right decision! :type:

 

[Thousand Hills]

Obviously you are a great distance apart, if either one of you decide the other is not "the one", you will probably never see each other again. She doesn't know your friends, you don't know her friends. You have invested time and she has invested time, you probably get along good to have gotten this far, the potential in this situation to do something you will regret, and will set you both back on finding "the one" is too great. Based upon your other threads it seems your life is in a bit of turmoil now anyways (gossip in singles groups, job search, etc.). My advice is, if you are really that concerned about it, and if your buddy can get you a discount on airfare, wait until you have enough money saved up, take a cousin or friend with you, go and stay in a hotel room. Have someone keep you accountable for your actions. She can have a friend come along as well when you go places. If you get there and you don't like her or she doesn't like you, you and your friend can still make a sightseeing trip of it or go see a ball game or something and all is not lost. It is real easy in these online dating things to get caught up, don't rush anything, be patient. If its meant to be she will understand your financial situation and be okay with waiting. Just my $0.02.

 

[annsni]

You have not yet actually met this woman but you will be willing to stay in her home? DANGEROUS!!!!!!

Not only that, but sleeping in a woman's house that you are not married to - without benefit of another male chaperone is wrong - no matter how old you are.

 

[matt wade]

Based on your ability to socialize with other people....pay for the hotel.

 

[menageriekeeper]

Bad idea for both of you! Aside from the s*xual aspect what if she just doesn't like you on first sight and doesn't want you in her house?

What if she is NOT what she appears and instead has unholy motives for drawing you out to her? (I'm thinking robbery/id theft here)

What if you say something she misunderstands and cries rape? What if she cries rape just because people are nuts sometimes?

Rent the hotel room! Make your first meeting in a public place and your second and your third.

You don't know this person. Until you do, be safe not sorry!

 

[Baptist Believer]

You have not yet actually met this woman but you will be willing to stay in her home? DANGEROUS!!!!!!

This is my foremost concern. I've known too many women who are more than a little bit unhinged (lots of men too, but that's not what we're talking about here ladies).

Even if you are going to be okay, there's no way you can know what she's going to be like. Worse yet, what happens if you meet her and she is a terror to be with? You'll need a place to retreat to for the rest of your stay.

Regarding sexual matters, over the years I have been propositioned by women more times than I can count on one hand... women whom I didn't expect to have that issue with and some who were married. And to be blunt, when I look in the mirror I don't see James Bond, I see Fred Flintstone. So if it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I was sorely tempted on two of those occasions, but fortunately I could make a hasty exit before my mind had time to justify/rationalize my immediate desires. When you're staying in the same house, you don't have that option.

Regarding your "testimony," I've found that people are going to believe whatever they want to believe about you, regardless of what you do. For instance, most people I work with assumed that my wife and I were sexually active before we were married, simply because that's the expected norm these days, even among religious people. However, my wife and I had that discussion at the very beginning of our dating relationship (I think the second date), that we were not going to do that because it would hurt our potential relationship. We didn't make a bunch of rules about it, but we simply respected each other and the investment we had in our relationship not to do it. That kept things chaste when one or the other of us got a little warm under the collar.

The real issue is how you are going to live your life - who you are going to be. You need to be as wise as a serpent but as innocent as a dove. There will be times when you will need to risk your "testimony" among religious people for the sake of the Kingdom of God. This is not one of those times.

Don't take the risk.

 

[Scarlett O.]

Do not go to anyone's house - man or woman - that you do not know and stay alone. I would NEVER do it.

Even if I had corresponded with this person via phone, skype, or otherwise, and even if I felt it were safe - I would NOT travel alone nor stay alone with anyone - man or woman - without someone traveling with me.

There are insane and evil people in this world. Call me paranoid, but it's just how it is.

It is not a sin to platonically spend the night at someone's house that you are not married to. It isn't always wise. People will talk - especially if you TELL them. But it isn't a sin.

I worry more about the fact that what you are suggesting is dangerous and unwise.

 

[righteousdude2]

Some Good Points....

Bad idea for both of you! Aside from the s*xual aspect what if she just doesn't like you on first sight and doesn't want you in her house?

What if she is NOT what she appears and instead has unholy motives for drawing you out to her? (I'm thinking robbery/id theft here)

What if you say something she misunderstands and cries rape? What if she cries rape just because people are nuts sometimes?

Rent the hotel room! Make your first meeting in a public place and your second and your third.

You don't know this person. Until you do, be safe not sorry!

....to pay heed to!

 

[evangelist6589]

Whether or not one is mature, professional, older, &c is beside the point and doesn't matter when walking with God and avoiding temptation or evil. We're still human, and still Christian. It would not be a good testimony on her, nor on you if another found out, and let's not forget we aren't to be ignorant of Satans schemes; 2 Corinthians 2:11, Ephesians 6:11.

- Peace

Amen. I changed my mind. Its okay if I use my CC for this charge. Much rather to have CC debt than immorality debt!

 

[evangelist6589]

The cost to stay in a hotel/motel is far too little when you consider your overall testimony being put at risk, or comprimised! :tonofbricks:

Granted, staying in the hotel does no guarantee that the two of you will not get caught up in a moment of passion that you will have to resist, however, having a room away for the woman will give you an option/alternative and a place (like Joseph) to flee to should you both become overwhelmed by nature and the "s" word (sin)! :tear:

You seem like an intelligent, Scripturally wise person, who loves the Lord (as does your cyber friend) so it is now up to you to go and make the right decision! :type:

Amen as I made the right decision tonight. Dave Ramsey types would tell me to pinch pennies and avoid using the Credit Card at all costs. But immorality and temptation from evil is far worse than a little purchase on my Credit Card!

 

[evangelist6589]

You have not yet actually met this woman but you will be willing to stay in her home? DANGEROUS!!!!!!

Not only that, but sleeping in a woman's house that you are not married to - without benefit of another male chaperone is wrong - no matter how old you are.

No I have never met her, but we have video chatted many many times which is nearly the same. But yes I agree with you and will stay in a hotel instead. The tickets have already been mailed and my friend will make the reservation soon. I just need to find a cheap hotel which I will.

 

[evangelist6589]

Based on your ability to socialize with other people....pay for the hotel.

I care very little for sarcastic comments like this.

 

[evangelist6589]

Bad idea for both of you! Aside from the s*xual aspect what if she just doesn't like you on first sight and doesn't want you in her house?

What if she is NOT what she appears and instead has unholy motives for drawing you out to her? (I'm thinking robbery/id theft here)

What if you say something she misunderstands and cries rape? What if she cries rape just because people are nuts sometimes?

Rent the hotel room! Make your first meeting in a public place and your second and your third.

You don't know this person. Until you do, be safe not sorry!

Amen! I am booking the hotel. We will be meeting in the airport and then will have dinner at a restaurant.

 

[evangelist6589]

This is my foremost concern. I've known too many women who are more than a little bit unhinged (lots of men too, but that's not what we're talking about here ladies).

Even if you are going to be okay, there's no way you can know what she's going to be like. Worse yet, what happens if you meet her and she is a terror to be with? You'll need a place to retreat to for the rest of your stay.

Regarding sexual matters, over the years I have been propositioned by women more times than I can count on one hand... women whom I didn't expect to have that issue with and some who were married. And to be blunt, when I look in the mirror I don't see James Bond, I see Fred Flintstone. So if it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I was sorely tempted on two of those occasions, but fortunately I could make a hasty exit before my mind had time to justify/rationalize my immediate desires. When you're staying in the same house, you don't have that option.

Regarding your "testimony," I've found that people are going to believe whatever they want to believe about you, regardless of what you do. For instance, most people I work with assumed that my wife and I were sexually active before we were married, simply because that's the expected norm these days, even among religious people. However, my wife and I had that discussion at the very beginning of our dating relationship (I think the second date), that we were not going to do that because it would hurt our potential relationship. We didn't make a bunch of rules about it, but we simply respected each other and the investment we had in our relationship not to do it. That kept things chaste when one or the other of us got a little warm under the collar.

The real issue is how you are going to live your life - who you are going to be. You need to be as wise as a serpent but as innocent as a dove. There will be times when you will need to risk your "testimony" among religious people for the sake of the Kingdom of God. This is not one of those times.

Don't take the risk.

Amen. Well spoken my friend.

 

[evangelist6589]

Do not go to anyone's house - man or woman - that you do not know and stay alone. I would NEVER do it.

Even if I had corresponded with this person via phone, skype, or otherwise, and even if I felt it were safe - I would NOT travel alone nor stay alone with anyone - man or woman - without someone traveling with me.

There are insane and evil people in this world. Call me paranoid, but it's just how it is.

It is not a sin to platonically spend the night at someone's house that you are not married to. It isn't always wise. People will talk - especially if you TELL them. But it isn't a sin.

I worry more about the fact that what you are suggesting is dangerous and unwise.

I'm booking a hotel. Yeah a little charge, but it will be worth it.

 

[Salty]

Is it too late to get one of those discount hotels - think William Shatner......

 

[evangelist6589]

Is it too late to get one of those discount hotels - think William Shatner......

PriceLine? I have not tried there yet.

 

[Alcott]

You should not stay in her house. But I honestly think it's more of a safety issue regarding a setup of some type-- either felonious criminal intent and/or a con job. I 'm sure you won't like my inserting this into your question, but I do think you can't ignore the possibility. And indeed, by the information she and you have shared, it seems to have been emphasized that she is a professional of some type who is financially secure and 'seeks to please' the Lord, and is "not the seducing type"-- of that last one, just how do you know so well (forgive the implication)?

And I will telll you, for myself, that I would positively not accept an invitation to stay at the home of a woman I had never actually met. In the past I have met women in person whom I first met online, but there was always agreement that we would meet in a public place, that the initial meeting would be brief, and that she would let someone close to her know just where she was planning to meet me and to call that person after we did meet. I never asked, and never wanted to know, her address or even her last name. Maybe I'm too skeptical, but a woman who volunteered such information to you, having never met you, is one I would be suspicious of.

As to "harming your testimony," that is something to be considered. But I think the first concern for you, as well as for her supposing she is really on the level, would be the possibility I mentioned above. A woman who seeks to please the Lord inviting a man she has not met to stay in her house?? You didn't say that she lives alone (though I get that idea), but don't you think she should be more precautionary?