Holding Hands

bapmom....you need to CHILLLLLL. I don't think you are giving our children ANY credit. Don't you think our children have self control? I mean, they aren't animals. (not if you have raised them right)
BTW...I have 3 teenagers and one 22 year old....so far no babies!!! lol

Cindy

 

No, TennisNE1,

I do NOT think that our children have an adult level of self-control.

Just because your children have dodged the bullet, does not mean that they ALL will. And just wait....so far you haven't got any grandbabies out of wedlock. I certainly hope you never do! And I say that with all sincerity.

However, I work with teenagers all the time. I know good kids, who want to do whats right. Yet I also work among teenagers who are tempted with the philosophy you have been advocating in here. And yeah, not all of them get pregnant before marriage, but many of them do. Far too many. Why? Because they thought they had to "practice" to get it right before they got married. WEll, they got it right! and before they got married, too.

Ive seen my sister, with the same philosophy, have TWO kids out of wedlock. BOTH of my brothers have the same idea, and only one of them has a child out of wedlock. But does that mean it was ok for my other brother to "practice?" Just because he's 24 and hasn't gotten his girlfriend pregnant yet? No. They're living together, btw, in order to practice marriage before they decide to do the real thing. She must have good birth control.

AND your kids have the added benefit of being raised in a Christian home that hopefully provides some supervision and accountability and training on whats right. What about the kids that don't have that? If I had had a pastor's wife telling me that its ok to "practice" first, I most likely would have had at least one or two babies before being married.

My home was a Christian home, we grew up in church. Our pastors and their wives thought we were being trained well at home. They were wrong. There was no real love at our house. So we went and looked for it in other places. The only thing that kept me from a worse lifestyle was Godly youth pastors and pastor's wives I could look up to who urged me OFTEN to keep myself pure for my husband, not even to tempt myself during dating, but to guard that gate jealously.

Especially here on this public forum, we have no idea what sort of kids we are talking in front of. We don't know what their home lives are like. We don't know that what we say won't be taken back and followed to an extreme result.

We've already got at least one watching this discussion who is sayin "yeah! see? I can do what I want! It won't matter!"

There's too much at stake in kid's lives these days. They've already got everyone else telling them its ok to engage in physical things during dating. Why would they need to hear the same thing from us that they hear from the world?

 

Clean1,

you do need to be careful about abstaining from appearance of evil. BUT, if you have to have a ride home and he's the only one there, you sitting in the back seat is a good way to go. As long as you can trust him....he's not some wacko...ya know.

It can be taken to extremes, you don't want to be rude to the boys around you. I think its perfectly fine to be friends with them, its even a good idea. You need friends, both boys and girls, in your life. You need to learn how to communicate with the boys, and how to be friendly without being physical. You get that communication part down first, and let the physical wait until after marriage, and THEN you've got a good marriage going! The physical part tends to get in the way of communication on a real level....know what I mean?

(edit) I mean physical part when its not supposed to be a part of that relationship. WITHIN marriage the physical is added TO the relationship to make it even better.

 

Shew. Busy. More mouth than a pet crow.

 

Bapmom....I know that you are pregnant, so I will take that into consideration. I know how witchy I got when I was pregnant. BUT, I stand by my posts. Let me ask you a question. Would you even want to marry a man that has never held hands or kissed another girl? I would think that was kind of weird myself. Please note that I said held hands and kissed, nothing more.

Cindy

 

Yes....and thank you for refraining from calling me the "B" word....


Also, YES, I DID marry a man who had never held hands OR kissed any other girl. I can honestly say I taught him everything he knows. AND he can honestly say HE taught ME everything I know. Neither one of us learned annoying habits from someone else, nor did we have to unlearn another person's preferences, nor do we have any of that baggage of wondering if WE kiss better or worse than anyone else.

Neither one of us knows anything else. And with 5 children and a 6th on the way, I would say we've learned everything we need to know and we have a perfectly grand time.

 

Cindy -
I don't mean to speak for bapmom here, but I have been catching up on this thread, and couldn't let this go. You just asked bapmom if she would even want to marry a man that has never held hands or kissed another girl, and stated that you would think that was kind of weird. To answer that question myself, yes, I would want to, I would want my daughter to, I know young men who are holding to that standard for themselves and for their future wife, and I do not think there is anything whatsoever weird about it.
My daughter's youth pastor's wife tells the girls they have no business kissing anyone else's husband. (I think that was mentioned somewhere before as well in this thread.) That is what is happening if one kisses someone and then does not marry them. She also invited them to her house for a sleepover and showed them the video (or DVD) "Pamela's Prayer". It is a beautiful Christian movie portraying complete purity before marriage and the benefits thereof. I highly recommend it.

 

If the boy/girl is not married, then you aren't kissing anyone's husband/wife. That is silly.

Cindy

 

sure you are.

that person isn't YOUR spouse, they never became YOUR spouse, they became someone else's spouse. SO essentially you were kissing someone else's spouse.

And no response other than that?

 

No, Cindy, it is not silly. Technically, of course, by the letter of the law, they are not at that time anyone's spouse. But nine times out of ten they WILL BE in the future, and kissing is something that should be saved for a spouse.
I am thankful my daughter had, and my son has now, the Godly training at church that they do back up their trining at home.

 

Nope, you were kissing someone else's FUTURE spouse....big difference.

No response other than what I said early in this thread.....we are worlds apart on this issue.

Cindy

 

Yes, I prefer my world.....


and I never had any intention of being "witchy" btw. It is not because of the pregnancy. This is honestly something that bothers me.

Thanks, and I agree PamelaK!

 

bapmom - I prefer our world too! If you have never seen "Pamela's Prayer" I would urge you to see it and then show it to your girls. It was such a blessing. I am planning to also show it to my son.

 

Where did you find that DVD? At a regular movie place like Blockbuster or would I have to order it from somewhere?

Ive never seen it, but it sounds good.

 

bapmom -
Our church library had it but I have seen it on the web. I believe it is available thru Amazon and also Christian sites. I will look for you.
Not only does it highlight the importance of complete physical purity before marriage, but the importance of the parents' role in praying for their children.

 

bapmom -
I just checked. Try www.christianfilms.com

 

sounds like a good emphasis. We need those reminders to pray for their future as well as their present needs.

Thanks for the info, Pamela!

 

You're so right, bapmom! I was convicted to pray harder, harder, harder for my children.

You're welcome, bapmom! If that site doesn't work out for you for whatever reason, just put the title into your search engine and lots of choices should come up.

 

Clean1, I take absolutely no offense to that! If that is personally a temptation to do wrong for you, by all means avoid it! I would simply ask that you be careful not to judge others harshly if it's not a problem for them.

Now, I would think that if you're dating, you're dating because you're looking for someone to marry. Isn't that the whole point? It's perfectly natural for affection to build in such a relationship. Affection isn't wrong, although certainly the expression of it should be very limited until marriage.
I'd love it if my children's first kiss was the one they shared at the altar at their marriage. I'd love it if the first kiss their spouses shared was with them.
I'd not think much of it if they ever held someone else's hand though! That does seem to be a bit dramatic to me, but again, you know your own thoughts and limitations, and I'm impressed that you do and that you are sticking by your convictions. You'll be able to present yourself pure one day to your husband, and that's a beautiful thing!