Husbands, Love your Wives

I was also very moved. I am so glad that you two have each other, Helen.

 

Thank you all for your stories..

Why, isn't it wonderful how this thread has turned out...
Love has that effect on things.

 

This is a man! Some hyper-fundie cheuvinist types here would probably say that this is strictly the woman's job. Sit up straight some of you legalists and maybe you can learn something.

 

Helen, very touching testimony. Thanks for sharing. May God bless more men in this fashion!

 

I've gotten a couple of PM's about Barry.

The secret to his life is that he references every moment of it to Christ. If he is having a problem with something in his science, he gets down in his knees, literally, here in the den, and prays. If we have a decision to make, he prays (we pray, actually...). If we have a difficult person in our lives, he prays about how to deal with the situation.

And he listens. He listens to what the Lord is putting in his heart. He also listens to me, as sometimes I will have an idea which we had not thought of before (guess where it came from...). He is an incredibly humble man and I have seen him admit when someone is right about something in his work that he had not considered. His entire life reputation is based on his speed of light work and his physics, but when he was very harshly corrected by a physicist in Spain he looked at it and said, "He's right. I hadn't though of that." And he corrected his own work accordingly.

In Australia it is illegal to sell day-old bread, so enormous amounts of baked goods are thrown into locked dumpsters every night. Barry had a hard time with this. He couldn't change the law, so, for years before we were married, he would go to several bakeries at the close of their day, several times a week, and collect everything his car would hold (which they were glad to donate, by the way) and take it to families in need.

I think every one of those families was at our wedding, and every one of the adults were Christians by then, too. What is fun is that so many of them had no idea about his science. He was simply "Barry the bread man" until, years later, they found out more about him.

That's Barry. Sometimes when I wake up before he does in the morning, I look over at him sleeping and wonder why I, out of all the women in the world, was blessed enough to be allowed to be his wife.

There are many who disagree with his work but I have never met anyone who had met him, the person, who did not like him.

Because He tries to be, as a poem he heard once stated, the 'suit of clothes that Jesus wears.' This, men, is probably the biggest secret to loving your wife.

 

I've enver met Barry, but I have spoken with him on the phone when my son was in prison, and I liked him. He was compassionate, he listened, he prayed with me.

 

Helen - God has blessed you with a man among men........they're not as plentiful these days. God bless you both.

 

In response, I want to say somewhat about Hannah Hurnard's Hind's Feet on High Places. It "is the story of How Much-Afraid escaped from her Fearing relatives and went with the Shepherd to the High Places where 'perfect love casteth out fear.'" Much-Afraid's great desire was to love and be loved in return. In one of her rendezvous with the Shepherd, He asked her, "Has Love been planted in your heart, Much-Afraid?"

It has been said here, and I agree with it, that fear is the biggest obstacle for many women in loving and submitting to their husbands. But it isn't just the women who fear negative consequences in their duties. Men have much to fear themselves. The nature and manifestations of the fears of those in authority are often different than the ones for those under authority, but it is fear nonetheless that binds them to a life of misery, and to at times illtreat those they love imperfectly. Why wouldn't the parent's of the man born blind in John 9 defend their son during his interrogation? They feared being excommunicated from the synagogue.
The description of the problem is right on. This isn't to say that some people aren't simply obstinate and self-willed, but for many fear is the real problem. The suggested solution, however, is not the solution that will bring relief to those who find themselves in unhappy and hard situations. What is suggested, despite the denials of those making the suggestions, is to coddle the fear, and treat it as something good and natural, and to demand perfect love of one who cannot give it before you put yourself under another's authority. And where one isn't perfectly loving, you can find justification for fippancy, or some other token of disrespect.

(A mild example, but an example nonetheless that was, strangly enough, presented in this thread as an appropriate response.)
The real solution is to have love in your own heart, first for the One who is Love and who commanded love and submission, and second for the one to whom you should submit. Imperfect love does not cast out fear. Therefore, it cannot be the love of any man who is in authority that you must look to to be delievered from fear. Men are sinners, and are prone to stumble. I know more than one "good" man who took a tumble for the worst. Trusts were betrayed, hearts were deeply wounded. What then?
Perfect love casteth out fear, and there is only one source of perfect love. If you find yourself in difficult—or even somewhat oppressive—circumstances, and wonder how Christ could love you and at the same time expect you to abide therein, I strongly recommend Hannah Hurnard's work. In it, you will find a truly spiritual application of the Song of Solomon, which is an allegory of Christ's love for His church. And after Hind's Feet on High Places, read Mountains of Spices. As you apply the lessons, you will find that perfect love does indeed cast out fear.

 

You submitted her words as evidence in a debate. They were fair game.

Of course not, but it's interesting you would jump to that conclusion simply because I identified disrespect in her response. You're illustrating the point I was making. The fear of what could happen when you put yourself under the power of someone else causes you to justify disrespect when the one of whom you demand perfect love cannot give it.

Now, when I say "of course not," I'm not saying that your father's sin is the reason your mother should disobey anything. Neither am I saying that wives must labor to satisfy every irrational whim of their husbands. What they should do is discern their husbands' basic purposes and goals and work toward them. Your mother fixed the meal for the family. Most husbands require that of their wives. It's the duty of a Proverbs-31 woman. Hamburgers is a meal. Your mother obeyed, and did so out of love. Your father should have been grateful. That's true. His ill response to his frustrations provoked your mother to respond in a flippant manner. That's quite understandable. But it's not an example of a righteous response, and you're making one. Now, you're not doing something that 99% of woman don't do, and I have often advised husbands that a wife's biting response is usually a reaction to something that they are doing to make their wives feel insecure. (It doesn't have to be fear. Often it is just obstinance, and then my advice to husbands is to simply bear it patiently, be forgiving, and take their difficulties about the matter to the Lord.) But you and Helen are clear about your feelings. In your cases you have stated that it's fear that hinders your submission.

But other than debate the issue ad nauseum, I'll just refer you to Hurnard for a description of perfect love, and how to respond to fear.

 

Boy, I hate to say it, but your father's response wasn't ...oh nevermind!

My point is this. Wives must submit. Husbands must love. And the failures of one doesn't absolve the other.

 

Scarlett, don't let Aaron get to you... walk away with dignity...
In Heaven he will understand, if not before then.

 

As am I... Buh bye... Aaron, you can have the last word... that should make you very happy.:wavey: :thumbs: