Husbands, Love your Wives

That is really sweet Donna! I gave Barry a sign he has on the wall now which says "And they lived happily ever after."

Guys, if your wife is a problem child in any way, love her. Loving is the most healing thing in the world. It kills defensiveness and fear. It makes any kind of untruthfulness unwanted and out the window. It makes her feel beautiful. It makes her more responsive and eager to please you and, yes, to submit and obey.

Christ loved us first. He is the Lamb slain from the FOUNDATION of the world. Women are responders and just as we respond to our Lord in gratefulness and love and obedience, so a wife will normally respond to her husband the same way when loved that way.

That is exactly how God healed me through my wonderful husband.

 

Helen is right. We all long for that.

 

Helen is correct.

 

Donna and Helen,
Thanks for sharing the very moving experiences from your lives.

 

Now that I've cooled off a bit...

But that's not what the Scriptures say. Women are to be in subjection to their husbands even if their husbands do not live in obedience to the word, 1 Pet. 3:1-6.

As far as God says it goes.

Disobedience to parents is a sin worthy of death, Rom. 1:30. And the command to obey our parents in the Lord, means that we are to obey them (Christian or non-Christian alike) in all things except where a command of theirs violates a clear command of the Scriptures.

That's the only place I see in the Scriptures where one's authority is contingent upon his spirituality. A pastor is to be followed only as he is a follower of Christ.

True, but most of them are.

And it's 100% of what God commands.

The problem that people have in submission isn't that the boss is a jerk, the husband is unloving, or the parents are too strict. The problem with submission is a heart of sin. In the words of Calvin: "...the human mind recoils from the idea of subjection, and with difficulty allows itself to be placed under the control of another. Experience shews how rare this virtue is; for do we find one among a thousand that is obedient to his parents?"

And in commenting on 1 Pet. 3, he said:

In reality, it isn't distrust in the one who has authority that breeds rebellion, it's unbelief. Who gave the command in the first place? Until that fact is admitted, one who finds herself in an unhappy union can little hope for much improvement.

 

Aaron,

So what you're saying is that depending upon the situation, one principle of Scripture cancels out another principle of Scripture. Is that right?

 

....No....(blast this ten-character limit in posting!)

 

Cooling down is always a good thing before expressing thoughts. In the ideas expressed about unconditional or blind submission, maybe it would be a good idea, since we are comparing marriage to the love of Christ for His Church, what would it be like if the Church submitted to Christ, and He was not the loving, gracious, saving Son of God that He is?

Truth is what the Bible is all about, in a loving manner. If there were a group of kids standing around making fun of an overweight person, laughing and pointing, they have told the truth, but the truth was used for nothing, but meaness.

While there is room for difference of opinion about the subject from the Bible, Calvin is the last person one needs marriage advice from.

 

Aaron, this thread is entitled "Husbands, Love Your Wives"

When that happens, there not a problem with the Christian wife being the helpmate to her partner that God intends her to be, in every way. She may not do it perfectly, but she will be there for him, responding to his love and affection.

 

BTW, I posted my wife's anniversary card at my workstation in the factory. I was very proud to do so, and I was the envy of almost every man there. "Where did you find such a woman?" was the common question. "At church," I replied.

http://thriftyplanet.net/aaron/Ann2004.jpg

 

Which is the best place to find a real woman, or real man....

Do you think we can change the subject a little here, from submission to love of the wife...

Maybe we can name a few things that a man can do to show his wife that he loves her.

(only because I need a few tips.... lol)

 

I think general principles apply. If the husband asks or commands something of the wife that is contrary to God's explicit law, then I believe she has grounds to obey God rather than man.

If it is a decision about which wallpaper or buying a new car, then the wife has the responsibility to submit.

Circumstances were listed already that were maybe extreme but they do happen. The wife is not always to blame for marrying the "wrong" person, and even if she is does that mean her sin will be ignored and placed on her husband because he told her to do it?

No, I think the wife is only to obey and submit as long as the husband does not require her to sin.

 

Hello Tiny,
You and me both need tips. I think one of the things that is the best way to show loving and caring is each and every time before leaving for work, a hug and an kiss and a "I love you" goes a long way. (even if going in on the midnight shift).

It also helps not to aggrevate her cats by putting tap on their paws and watch them twitch. :laugh:

 

Notes, leave notes around the house with little poems or whatever you know has meaning for the two of you.

Ever heard the story about the granddaughter who found lots of notes that read SHMILY in the grandparents home? I'll share it if you have not heard it and if I can remember it properly...

 

Nope, never heard it... I would like to.

Also, I think just appreciating her for her, even with all the little quirks.

Putting her first sometimes, instead of work.
Take her out to eat, just the 2 of you.

 

Here is a site with the full story - I had to look it up and it is longer than I remember.

http://www.geocities.com/fannyssite/shmily.html

 

notes are a definite YES!

 

Tim, I would be almost sure what would show your wife you love her is (and this over and above what men do, like work,supply home, etc.)
leave a little note soemtimes, doesn't have to be much, mine usually just say I love you, or your my baby,
talk with just her, no one else around, about you and her, about her dreams
spend time with her doing something she enjoys, even if you don't really enjoy it, she knows and will appreciate you did it for her
one flower for no reason at all
every now and then do one of her chores for her
yeah, and don't put tape on her cats paws, lol

 

Here are some of the things Barry does and has done for me which have blown me away.

First a note -- I am a morning person. My high energy level is in the morning and I can get all kinds of stuff done then. By four in the afternoon I am visibly starting to wilt and I'm hopeless, for the most part, after dinner. Barry is a night person. He is comfortable going to bed around midnight or so and often sleeps in until 9 or 10.

Noticing this, he decided to be the one to do the dinner dishes. Can you believe that? I wake up to a spotless kitchen every morning. Because he gets up after I do, he quietly makes the bed, and he has become very good at it!

Because of who he is, we have guests from many places, often with very little notice (try ten minutes at eight on a Monday morning a few weeks ago!). We have all vinyl flooring which looks good all the time (Praise the Lord!) and so when the crunch is on, Barry vacuums the house and I do the dusting and picking up after Chris and we can have this place pretty spotless and nice in about half an hour.

When he is working on his research or writing a paper, it demands tremendous concentration. Now, when I am doing research or editing a paper (or writing one), I concentrate fiercely -- and I use that term on purpose, because I get it all straight in my head and then I sit down and go start to finish with at least a section. Interrupt me at your own peril. I don't mean to be that way, but I can't seem to change that part of me.

Barry, however, is different. He can be concentrating on something, or working out some equations, and if I say "Barry?", he will stop, turn around, and I have his full attention. If I say something like "I don't mean to interrupt you...." his response almost invariably will be "You are not the interruption, you are the main attraction!"

When he accepted a job teaching astronomy at the New Hope Observatory he made it clear to the other people that if he felt it was interrupting home life he would resign.

Last Dec. 10th he gave a public presentation of The Christmas Star for about 500 people. Afterward one of his astronomy students who was there came up and said to me "I had to meet this woman who was Barry's wife! He talks so highly of you."

God comes first in his life, but he prays for me daily. Next to God, I am the most important thing to him.

How can a woman NOT respond to that kind of treatment?

He always has time for me. His arms are always open to me. He is unfailingly kind to me, and gentle. He makes sure the water bottle next to my bed is full, and, knowing my body literally 'turns off' and I get cold in the evenings, makes sure the electric blanket is on for me. He looks for things to do for me. He cuts a fresh rose from the garden when the roses are in bloom and has it in a bud vase near the computer here. He will cuddle me to sleep and then quietly get up to do his own work at the computer until he gets tired, around midnight or one in the morning.

And my response? I'll work my silly head off for this man, joyfully. If he wants it, and I can get it or do it or cook it, I do.

Oh yeah, and he changes the diapers on our 22 year old retarded son and that, my friends, is true love.

 

Helen, I think one of the secrets is that, like you, I know for sure that after God I am the most important thing to him. Nothing but God comes before me, likewise for me, nothing but God comes before him.