I'm taking the spiritual lead in my family

[Baptist Believer]

I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church...

I am.

...instead of the church the man chooses for the family.

The point is that you should work this out with your wife instead of taking up sides. If your wife gets something important from this other church, then you need to seriously consider continuing there for her benefit. Most of all, you need to figure out what she is getting there that is important to her.

This is not about getting one's way - this is about serving each other.

 

[Baptist Believer]

Oh and I get along much better with the people. Its not that I did not get along with people in the IFB church, its just that I have far more in common in this church and can relate better.

But it's not all about you and your needs. This is about you loving your wife.

 

[Rippon]

This is a private matter. It should be between you and your wife. It should not be discussed on a public forum. Wouldn't it be awkward to try and explain if she would come across all your disagreements with her on this board through the years?

 

[Rolfe]

I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church instead of the church the man chooses for the family. Are you?

Mine. Because I love her and can deal with the difference in my preference.

 

[evangelist6589]

Your alternative Evan would be to become heavy handed thus alienating everyone (particularly your wife) and then eventually get a divorce (her grounds would be that your abusive....a bully). Good luck with that.

Me, I would tread lightly with her......perhaps compromise with her (Like one we go to my church & one week we go to your church....stuff like that) Listen bro, "when mommy is happy, everyone's happy but ......"

I think I can compromise a little in that go to her church sometimes. However she will not compromise in going to my church.

 

[evangelist6589]

Mine. Because I love her and can deal with the difference in my preference.

These are rare.

 

[Rolfe]

These are rare.

How do you know?

 

[Baptist Believer]

These are rare.

Hardly.

You may need to associate with more people who don't think exactly like you. I didn't even have to think about the answer because I know a number of situations where this is true. I teach a Sunday School class with two transplanted Presbyterians who attend our Baptist church in deference to their wives. These fine men are theologically astute and I use them as my resident experts on Calvinism when someone has a question about he subject (I am not a Calvinist).

They are respectful of my position and I am respectful of theirs and we learn from each other.

Beyond their theology, they passionately love their wives and children and have strong marriages and serve as strong examples of godly manhood in our congregation.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

I think I can compromise a little in that go to her church sometimes. However she will not compromise in going to my church.

Well, let her be that way....however you have to feel comfortable at a church you fit in with with. Look, my wife doesn't even go ....primarily because she is hurt by past experiences. So at least both you & your wife are going. Make friends at her choice & go make friends at the DOG church & go to both.....at least your appeasing her to some point. And it ain't easy.......what ever they tell you they always want their own way. Your job is to shut up, smile & say YES DEAR.

Another question, where do they feed you best? That should solidify your weekly church selection, where we going this week question! LOL

Don't sweat the small stuff EVAN!!!

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Mine. Because I love her and can deal with the difference in my preference.

Yea but you are whipped. Thought vikings......well, never mind.

 

[TCassidy]

I'm sure if I was in Charles Stanley or David Jeremiah's church that would be one thing, but this church the preaching and teaching is weak and legalistic and one reason why I am leaving and have wanted to leave for awhile.

That is fine, but the decision must be agreed to by both of you. You can't order her around. Be sensitive to her attachment to her friends in that church. It may be necessary to find a church that is somewhere between what she wants and what you want. Be willing to sacrifice your desires in order to help your wife be happy in her spiritual life.

 

[TCassidy]

healthy marriage

What makes a "healthy marriage?" The husband being a caveman and beating his wife into subjection and dragging her off to "his church" by the hair?

Please define what you think "healthy marriage" means.

she chooses to follow him

The key word is "chooses." She laid aside her desires to follow him. Are you willing to lay aside your desires?

 

[HankD]

What makes a "healthy marriage?" The husband being a caveman and beating his wife into subjection and dragging her off to "his church" by the hair?

Possibly.

 

[evangelist6589]

What makes a "healthy marriage?" The husband being a caveman and beating his wife into subjection and dragging her off to "his church" by the hair?

Please define what you think "healthy marriage" means.

The key word is "chooses." She laid aside her desires to follow him. Are you willing to lay aside your desires?

Did I even make these statements? If so in what post?

 

[TCassidy]

Did I even make these statements? If so in what post?

You said:

I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church instead of the church the man chooses for the family.

I asked What makes a "healthy marriage?" And then I asked you to Please define what you think "healthy marriage" means.

So, yes, you did. And again I ask, Please define what you think "healthy marriage" means.

 

[StefanM]

If it violates your conscience to attend the church, perhaps you may need to attend separate churches for a while. That being said, I would hope that you could have a series of gentle, heart-felt conversations about what would be the best option.


Question: What are her reasons for not wanting to change?

 

[Jerome]

I am not familiar with a single healthy marriage where the man follows the woman to her chosen church instead of the church the man chooses for the family. Are you?

Perhaps you have heard of Billy and Ruth Bell Graham?
She was Presbyterian all her life, did not join the Baptist church Billy pastored near Wheaton, had her babies sprinkled, etc.

From Ruth and Billy Graham: The Legacy of a Couple:

"In Montreat, Ruth and her five children regularly attended the local Presbyterian church. Well-meaning friends of Billy's wanted to convert Ruth to the Baptist faith, but anyone familiar with Ruth's character was aware that this was an impossible undertaking. . . .Ruth's opinion was that, if anything, it was Billy who should switch churches. . . .When Billy was at home on a Sunday, he and the family attended the local Presbyterian church."

 

[Salty]

or maybe attend one church in the AM and in the PM attend the other church.\If I am correct, this is the church that she has attend all her life - if so, it would be very hard for her to leave.

 

[JonC]

I agree with Jon. Nor, Evan, is it a sin for a Calvinist to be a member of and serve in a non-Calvinist church.

The church I presently attend is non-Calvinist. And there is no conflict whatsoever. What we have to remember is, regardless of where we differ, we have one thing in common. Christ. Focus on Christ and the other things begin to dim and lose their luster.

Not to toot my own horn (well, okay, just a little - toot toot) but below is a message I preached last month in 3 of the 4 morning services on a closely related topic. Enjoy.

[For some reason the video is starting at 3:33. Just click it back to 0:00 for the beginning.]

Wonderful sermon. It'd make a good stand alone thread here.

 

[TCassidy]

Wonderful sermon. It'd make a good stand alone thread here.

Not sure how wonderful it is. It is obvious I am rapidly growing weaker, and my voice is not what it used to be. You have to turn the volume up high in order to hear it all.

But I think the point is an important one. Baptists have, historically, fought, split, fought, split, fought and split, often to the detriment of not only our churches, but also to our testimony to the world.

I have known missionaries who would not fellowship with other missionaries because they were with the "wrong" sending agencies. I know of IFB missionaries who would not cooperate with BBF missionaries who would not cooperate with GARBC missionaries who would not cooperate with WBF missionaries who would not cooperate with SBC missionaries and so on and so on and so on, ad infinitum, ad nausium.

It is entirely possible to disagree without being disagreeable, and to fellowship without walking in lock-step.

But, write it off to an old man's folly. I doubt many will listen, at least not if the BB is a representative microcosm of Baptist churches in general.