I think we can agree that repentance and faith in Christ are pre-conditions for salvation. I don't know whether you believe that Calvinists think otherwise? The problem is that men and women will do neither unless God opens their hearts to respond.
'This is the condemnation; the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil' (John 3:19). Both repentance and faith are actually gifts of God (Acts 11:18; Ephesians 2:8), of necessity because
'No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him' (John 6:44). We see this in pratice in the case of Lydia in Acts 16:14.
'The Lord opened her heart to heed the things spoken to het by Paul.' She didn't open her own heart; Paul didn't do it by his preaching; God did it.
'salvation is of the Lord' (Jonah 2:9; Revelation 7:10).
Please read Revelation 7:9 and then tell me how that crowd gets any bigger or smaller depending on whether Arminianism or Calvinism is true.
It cannot be considered elitism if
'not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.....etc. ' (1 Corinthians 1:26-27).
You seem to be confusing Calvin with his evil younger brother HyperCalvin.
The gates of heaven are wide open to all who will enter, but they do not, not because God somehow stops them, but because they have wicked unrepentant hearts. That is why
'Unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.'
"Would have died for them"? Did He or didn't He?