You need to get out more and broaden your reading. I know this is an exercise of futility to even address people like you as you neither have the willingness to be objective or the capability to deal honestly with your opponents, but for the sake of others who are objective I will respond to this silly argument.
First, the premise is not that simplex as you present it. If it were, then your conclusions would be correct. Not all "calvinists" fit within your little box you try to force them into.
God's eternal purpose for sin is much more complex. God never ever delights or takes pleasure in sin but he does intentionally permit it and limits and overrules it (Psa. 76:10) to conform to His ultimate purpose by which he does actually work "ALL" things for the ultimate good of His people and His glory.
God is the author of sin POTENTIAL as He is the author of the ability that can be used to bring sin into existence. However, he is not the author of the ACT of sin which he has decreed and made to be the responsiblity of the ACTOR of sin.
Coming from you that's funny that I should read more when you claimed to have lead the revolt against Calvinism in college having never read Calvin by your own admission. I, however HAVE read Calvin-and Gill, and Jones, Edwards, Whitefield, Kennedy, Sproul, Pink, Piper, MacArthur, Boettner, et al.. I was a Calvinist long before I was a Baptist after leaving Judaism. So I'd say I am distinctly more read on Calvinism, and have forgotten more about Calvinism than you will ever learn.
And show me scripture and verse that shows God is POTENTIALLY the author of sin. If that's true then He is POTENTIALLY the creator of libertarian free will and now you're back at square on scratching your head saying "how did I get here?".
How can God create the POTENTIAL to sin, with no guarantee that sin will ACTUALLY HAPPEN in order for Him to exercise His sovereignty over those He has predetermined for damnation? If God only POTENTIALLY authored sin, then He hung is own determination to chance, but yet if He determines ALL THINGS, and cause the will of the sinner to do what it can not do otherwise, which as a result, guarantees that the sinner WILL sin, then ultimately, God is STILL the author of sin.
I know that may be a little deep for you but think about it for a while.