I made an attempt to reconcile with my ex-wife and will see if she responds. I do feel bad for her given her cancer which has spread to other organs unfortunately. Don't know what can be done.
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Made an attempt to reconcile
- Thread starter evangelist6589
- Start date
I work 60-70 hours a week but I can bring flowers.
If you have time to be on the internet you have time for your wife. If you don't have time, make time.
There are a 172 hours in a week. If you work 70 that leaves 102 hours. With 8 hours of sleep a night that leaves you with 46 hours. Even if you take 20 hours for other things, that would still leave you 26 hours a week to focus on your wife.
I've always believed people can find the time for what is important to them. When my husband and I were dating he was working 60 hours a week as a first year teacher and I also had a full time job but we still found the time to talk on the phone for 3 hour every night because it was important to us.
Given the things you have said about your wife here I can only imagine what she was feeling for you. Women pick up on the feelings of their husbands especially if they are negative.
You as the husband are called to love her like Christ loves the church, meaning that you are willing to die for her. Since you divorced her it's going to take a lot of work on your part to reconcile. Remember Fireproof? Doing the dishes and buying wilted flowers doesn't cut it, it took total sacrifice on the part of the husband to reconcile with his wife.
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I would have no idea how to do these things since we do not live together anymore.
You start by going to where she lives, knocking on her door, and when she answers say, "I am sorry. I was wrong. I apologize. Please forgive me."
I can try that sometime.
When my wife and I were first married I was a Seminary student and she worked in data-input for the headquarters of a major insurance company.
In addition to attending Seminary 6 hours per day, I also worked 8 hours per day (with occasional extra overtime). Then I studied an additional 4 hours per day, including Saturday. On Saturday I also called on my bus kids to encourage them to come to Sunday School the next day and talked to their parents and made arrangements to pick them up. That took another 4 hours. Sunday we went to Sunday School, Morning Service, and then on Wednesday to Mid-week service. With drive time, etc, that adds up to about 105 hours per week.
And we still managed to find a LOT of time to spend together. And we have the kids to prove it!
Pray that God will make a way.
Invited her to PF Changs at my own expense.
What is PF Changs?
Evan - I am glad to hear you are at lest tying - is it hard - of course - but keep in mind that the Lord is on your side. When you get a chance - read Proverbs 31
TCassaidy said to apologize - -and I agree- even if you think you do not need to. Humble yourself - she needs you - especially in this time of poor medical health.
Remember - one step at a time. Your marriage did not fail overnight - and it will not heal overnight.
Evan - We are all rooting for you.
And if she rebuffs your attempt, you try again and again and again. Reconciliation isn't a "one attempt" thing.
My wife and I were separated for 21 months after I walked out on her. Through my actions and my words, I had hurt her deeply, but yet in my mind, I was the victim. I was the one who had been wronged. When God finally got thru my stubbornness and cold hard heart, the first time I reached out to her, she wanted nothing to do with me. Was I disappointed? Sure, but a godly person helped me see that trust couldn't be rebuilt overnight. It took much prayer before she finally agreed to meet with me for a lunch date and then many more months of proving to her that God was truly moving in my heart before she would even entertain the thought of us getting back together. Thankfully, God moved in both of our lives and brought us back together, stronger than before but only because we had made Him the center of our marriage, instead of our wants and desires.
If you truly love your wife and want what God desires your marriage to be, don't stop at one attempt at reconciliation. It must be a continuing process.
Well I can always try.
Yes, you can, and it's great that you are willing to try. No one can guarantee an outcome, but if you try and fail, you can at least tell yourself something that I heard somewhere--- that you failed at doing the right thing instead of succeeding in doing the wrong.
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm learning this lesson myself--being a fruitful Christian isn't simply about "Fulfilling a calling" or "Standing on the Corner Street Preaching" or "Doing some big thing for God." It's being faithful to God's Word in all facets of your Life, John. Your marriage IS THE MINISTRY. Loving God, Loving Others...in menial tasks and in great endeavors. All of your efforts should be directed toward being Pleasing to God and living the life the bible spells out for us to live. Reconciliation isn't some suggestion if you have time, IT IS THE CHRISTIAN LIFE!
I agree
Except, in this case, you need to define "failure." Is that one attempt? Trying to call, but she never answers? Asking her out to dinner, but she says no? Sending an email that she never responds to? Define "success," as well as "failure."
For me, success would be praying every day about it; doing things to let her know I love her; and in a few days, or a few years, or a few decades, God softens her heart, she forgives me, and we live out the rest of our lives together. "Failure" would be praying every day; doing things to let her know I love her; but one or the other of us dies without having actually been reconciled.
So how do you define these two outcomes?