Men Hitting Women: Why I Can't Tell Them To Stick It Out!

[Alive in Christ]

Diamond lady...

We were driving one day and as we passed our church the Lord spoke to me and said, "There, that's where I want you." I told my husband and we went that Sunday and have been there, serving God, ever since.

I have had that happen to me more then once.

God is Good!

 

[Jon-Marc]

Thanks for clarifying why a woman stays with an abuse man, DiamondLady. It makes it much more difficult when everyone is on the abuser's side and blame the victim instead of the abuser.

My experience with divorce is that everyone felt sorry for my ex and treated me like a leper. I was the one who was wrong for divorcing her and making her a "victim".

I knew a woman who stayed with an abusive husband, and then she divorced him once the kids were grown. Having had an abuse dad, I disagree that any father is better than none. Would I have been better off without him? I have no idea, but by the grace of God I turned out fairly normal--whatever normal is. :laugh: Is a woman better off with an abusive man rather than no one? I seriously doubt it.

 

[fortytworc]

I've stayed quiet up til now....I can tell you exactly why a woman stays with a man who abuses her, as I stayed for 22 years.

I honored my marriage vows....for better or worse. I stayed because the one time I walked out and went to my mother-in-law's house she told me to go home that I'd done something to cause it and I must have deserved it. I stayed because I feared that if people found out I was being abused I would be thought less of, because as a Christian woman I must be doing something wrong to cause my husband to act like this. I stayed because I had two small boys who I thought needed a father....I thought any father was better than no father. (May I add that I realize that was wrong) Finally, after 22 years I discovered my husband's dirty little secret and ended our marriage, at that point caring nothing for what other people thought. (and let me add...my church treated me like a leper, like a prostitute...and embraced my ex-husband because his daddy was a deacon)

As a formerly abused wife I would tell any abused woman to find the door and walk and seek an immediate divorce. A leopard does not change it's spots. It may adapt to captivity, but it will never be tame and you can never trust it enough to turn your back on it. It's the same with an abuser. They may stop for a season but it always simmers under the surface. It takes very little to light the fuse once again. I do not believe, and you will never convince me to believe, that God would expect any woman to stay with a husband who beats her for no reason other than she is breathing. An abuser doesn't need a reason.

Am I sorry I got a divorce? No, never will be. I am, however, sorry I displeased God. I am sorry that I married that man in the first place. I should have listened to those who warned me, who saw things in him I never saw. But God....aren't those wonderful words??? But God, in his infinte grace, has forgiven me and removed any guilt I felt and any regrets I had. He sent me a wonderful, wonderful, loving husband to teach me what marriage really is.

Men: How many are right now forcing themselves to stay in such a situation? How many of our daughters will we put through such a personal hell as this before we wake up? This scenario is being played out every minute of every day for the very same "reasons"? Are we even listening? Men? Fathers? Pastors? Husbands? Brothers?

 

[Jerome]

Dr. Paige Patterson explains it all here:

Bible Conference audio
The following starts @ 2:55

Paige counsels a battered wife to stay and pray.
Wife shows up to church with black eyes.
Paige tells her, "Sorry about that but I am very happy."
Why? He saw the husband sneaking in, first time he had been there.
When Paige did an altar call, the husband walked the aisle.

And that was that.

 

[fortytworc]

Dr. Paige Patterson explains it all here:

Bible Conference audio
The following starts @ 2:55

Paige counsels a battered wife to stay and pray.
Wife shows up to church with black eyes.
Paige tells her, "Sorry about that but I am very happy."
Why? He saw the husband sneaking in, first time he had been there.
When Paige did an altar call, the husband walked the aisle.

And that was that.

I began another thread with your url. Turns out it is about 12 years old. I found some more recent information concerning the SBC's official Statement. I thought a public apology was in order. I started winding up on them in public...

http://cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com/tag/southern-baptist-convention/

 

[Jerome]

That blog has nothing to do with an official position of Patterson or the SBC.
It is a non-SBC pastor's blog and statement.

 

[Gina B]

I've seen lots of women stay. Sometimes it's easier to stay with what you know than take that step into the unknown, especially if self-esteem is low and there's no known way to support themselves. I'm not quite that type...I grew up with older brothers and we played rough. Plus I bite. LOL No staying with abusers gonna happen here! Trying to fix the marriage? Sure. Give it a timeline though and no reason to stay in the same home while doing so. I don't advocate divorce for that, but many abusers, when they find themselves alone, won't put forth the effort and will find another person to abuse, thus cheating on the Biblical spouse and giving a proper cause for divorce.

What seems just as bad about abuse is how many women get away with this and how much more prevalent it seems for women to hit their husbands, and not in self defense. I'll never forget how appalled I was when I was babysitting a little one and just returning her to her daddy's place. He was newly divorced and wifey showed up deciding she wanted to come in the house and talk to him. He said no and she tried to shove her way in. It got real weird real fast. I'm standing back holding the baby, she keeps backing up and running into him as he stood in the doorway to stop her from going in and she kept punching him each time then trying it again, finally he put out his hand and pushed her and she fell on her rear, got up, and started clawing at him with her nails. I somehow got the baby inside and stepped back outside and got her off him (he refused to hit her and she was going off on him) so she'd quit hurting him, giving him time to get inside, lock the door, and call the police. After I got her outside, she clawed up her face and arms, then when the police got there, she said he did that to her and the DAD got hauled off in handcuffs despite me trying to tell them he did NOTHING. But hey, he's a guy, and guys don't get abused, right?