parents hitting on the face...ever okay?

[jaigner]

You tell me.

I'm not completely against spanking, but I think it is often misunderstood to be Biblically commanded or used far too much.

Furthermore, I was, a few (maybe 2 or 3) times as a child, hit on the face by my mother when she was angry or frustrated at me. A few other times, I blocked her hand before she got to me. It wasn't too hard, but it was a distinct hit on the face, not a firm tap.

The first time, I was probably 7 or 8. The last time I was in high school. It always happened at times when I was talking back, but because of a self-preservation type of reflex. These occurrences usually involved screaming on her part, too.

My mother is not a violent person but she has temper/anger issues that generally lurk beneath the surface, but come out in rare occasions.

Anyways...is this ever appropriate in your opinion?

 

[annsni]

I have slapped my children on the face three times. I have 4 children (so one never got it - my son). Two times were for blatant lying after being disciplined for lying already. These two were children who made it a habit to lie and I used other forms of punishment and told them the next time they lied to me, they would get smacked on the mouth. I resorted to that with them - and they never lied to me again. Neither one of them were hard enough to even leave a red mark but it was enough to get the point across that it was their lying that was the issue.

The third one that was smacked on the face was a child who was into biting. When they left bleeding teeth marks on their sister (bleeding from the upper and lower teeth marks!), it was time to show that biting was VERY wrong. So a small smack on the mouth (lips) showed what was wrong. Again, that was the last time that happened.

I don't ever want to promote smacking a child on the face but if I had an older child mouth off at me? You bet your bippy I'd smack them on the face. Thank God I've not had to do that.

 

[4ever4Jesus]

Hitting Will Not Teach

I used to think it was fine to spank kids. . I don’t agree today. However spanking on the bottom is one thing. But hitting in the face I would call abuse. Striking a child across the face will teach them, when we get mad hit someone over our frustrations. My friend Janet tells me how she raised her kids without hitting. They are both today Christians. To other kids may take more measures but I don’t think hitting is the answer.

 

[abcgrad94]

Nope, I don't hit my kids in the face or anywhere else for that matter, except for an occasional spank on the backside when absolutely necessary.

 

[Scarlett O.]

In extreme situations - yes. Depending on the competency and compassion of the mother - yes.

My mother slapped me in the mouth and face when I was 16 years old. I used profanity at her. I thought I was big and bad and her peer. I did it for shock value and to be cruel to her. She got the point across to me effectively and quickly that I was WAY out of line.

It didn't damage me at all. And I respected her for it if that makes any sense.

 

[Alcott]

I am not really sure, but so far I have given the single "Only in extreme circumstances" answer. I can say that of all the hits I ever took, the single one that stands out was when I was probably 3, and I don't remember what I did or said, but my mom gave me a slap on the face while we were in the car. That, plus something else, inclines me to think a hit in the face changes the flow of events and is remembered.

The "something else" refers to a story I think I have told on these boards before about the tornado of 1957. Though I was a couple of years away, I heard it told from several different perspectives. But my mom, who wasn't there but was at work as a phone operator, told me what my dad (who was there) never did. He and my grandfather walked out of my grandfather's little store in the little town to find the road deserted-- mysterious from a few minutes before. But then they saw the tornado coming right up the railroad track and barely had time to get in a car and speed down the road by the track, about 300 yards, to where their houses, on one-acre tracs, were next to each other. My grandfather ran into his house and and found my grandmother working on a quilt. Then they joined my dad as they went one house further to the only one closeby that had a storm cellar. They found the cellar almost filled, but were let in, and were told they needed another man or 2 to hold the door chain. So Dad was at the end of the chain, and a woman everyone knew was by him near back going hysterical; crying, praying, shouting, and keeping everyone else almost berserk. Finally Dad turned and slapped her face. She got quiet (so I was told); but he never talked about that part of the incident, and Mom said he told her he never hated doing anything that much in his life. He talked about gunning down a Japanese soldier on New Guinea (where he also took a bullet himself that just missed his carotid artery), he never talked about slapping that woman. I can't say for sure that he went out of his way to avoid seeing her, as my mom and everyone else involved knew her, but he probably did.

So, there really is something about hitting in the face that makes a strong and lasting impression. And a lot of sensitivity for the hitter and the hittee. We seem to know that instinctively.

 

[Jim1999]

My simple rule would be to never strike a person out of anger. Perhaps for shock value. We used to get the rod across knuckles and the backside in English public (private) school, but we always smiled about it outside the class and we got credit from the other lads.

Cheers,

Jim

 

[Steven2006]

For myself, I would say no to hitting the face. IMHO, one should never lash out of anger at their child, or for that matter should never even spank out of anger. If a child's behavior calls for a spanking it should be done so only out of love, calmly, and with the reason explained to the child. They should be lovingly held and comforted afterwards, given a chance to cry and show remorse. They should understand that it was a needed punishment as a result of their actions, but also made to understand it is because you love them, and care about them. They should then be told that they are forgiven.

IMO I can't see how hitting in the face can be anything but striking out of anger. I pray I never findf myself that angry at one of my children, but if I did I hope I would leave the room until calm, then return to deal with punishment.

 

[jaigner]

I guess part of it is that I grew up in a very repressive home. I felt as if I had to respond the way I did in order to stick up for myself.

My feel is (as well as the law in many states) that hitting anywhere above the neck or in other sensitive areas constitutes abuse or at least comes close. Parents in my state can now be reported for this. In addition, it is sad that she didn't have enough control over her own emotions to refrain from punishing me while she was upset. Such an act seems dehumanizing.

 

[ccrobinson]

I voted that it should never be used, but, when explained by ann and Scarlett, I can see how it would be. I hope I never come to the point where I would feel like I had do that.

 

[Steven2006]

I voted that it should never be used, but, when explained by ann and Scarlett, I can see how it would be. I hope I never come to the point where I would feel like I had do that.

Yeah, I wonder if there isn't a difference if it is the mother or the father?

I am strongly against hitting the face, but yet when reading Ann's (someone who's judgment I highly respect) post I understood her reasons.

 

[matt wade]

My friend Janet tells me how she raised her kids without hitting. They are both today Christians.

What a great evangelistic tool! I think I'll contact my church now and let them know that the sure-fire way to have all the children in the church become Christians is to make sure we don't spank them. If we don't spank them, surely, definitely, 100% they will become Christians!

 

[annsni]

LOL - I spanked AND made it through the teen years (well through with one and at 18 years old with the other so we're almost there). Not only did we make it through the teen years but we thrived. Oh - and they are very strongly walking with the Lord.

I don't think it's spanking or not spanking - I think it has to do with grace. Holy grace.

 

[jaigner]

What a great evangelistic tool! I think I'll contact my church now and let them know that the sure-fire way to have all the children in the church become Christians is to make sure we don't spank them. If we don't spank them, surely, definitely, 100% they will become Christians!

I think this is an important discussion. Participate if you have something of real substance to say, but the sarcasm is out of place.

Thank you.

And the original poster had a good point in that spanking does not necessarily produce Christians or even better people, as some Christians have been led to believe. I'm not completely against it, but many people have rightly come to understand how there are often much better means of discipline.

 

[annsni]

I think this is an important discussion. Participate if you have something of real substance to say, but the sarcasm is out of place.

Thank you.

And the original poster had a good point in that spanking does not necessarily produce Christians or even better people, as some Christians have been led to believe. I'm not completely against it, but many people have rightly come to understand how there are often much better means of discipline.

I personally wouldn't say that there are "much better means of discipline" as if spanking is a lesser method of discipline. After all, God does tell us in His Word about spanking.

Instead, I'd say that parents have found some other means of discipline that seem to work for their child. But honestly? From what I've seen, the vast majority of children are NOT well disciplined both in the church and outside. Actually, I've seen some very badly behaved children inside the church and have been embarrassed for the parents. Even my own children (who have been spanked) talk about it and how they would never even consider acting that way!!

 

[jaigner]

I personally wouldn't say that there are "much better means of discipline" as if spanking is a lesser method of discipline. After all, God does tell us in His Word about spanking.

Instead, I'd say that parents have found some other means of discipline that seem to work for their child. But honestly? From what I've seen, the vast majority of children are NOT well disciplined both in the church and outside. Actually, I've seen some very badly behaved children inside the church and have been embarrassed for the parents. Even my own children (who have been spanked) talk about it and how they would never even consider acting that way!!

I completely agree about a lack of discipline, and I think that it is mostly out of ignorance. But there are plenty of spanked children who are poorly behaved as well.

The "rod of discipline" described in the Bible is not likely referring specifically to corporal punishment, as it is the same term used for the rod in Psalm 23. I think it can safely be interpreted as "discipline your children" instead of "spank your children."

 

[annsni]

I completely agree about a lack of discipline, and I think that it is mostly out of ignorance. But there are plenty of spanked children who are poorly behaved as well.

I totally agree. I see parents who do spank but spank in anger after they have told their child "no" and yet the child does it over and over again with no consequence until mom "breaks".

The "rod of discipline" described in the Bible is not likely referring specifically to corporal punishment, as it is the same term used for the rod in Psalm 23. I think it can safely be interpreted as "discipline your children" instead of "spank your children."

I'll disagree on this just due to the context of some of the words. But I do think "discipline" is more important than "spank". Actually, even more than "discipline", "disciple" is even better.

 

[Gina B]

I used to think spanking should be done on VERY rare occasions. My first three kids can count on one hand the times they remember being swatted. And only one really remembers it vividly, probably because she was the brattiest and the spanking actually needed to hurt to get through to her. LOL

Then I met my stepkids. :laugh:
Both have diagnosed problems that require therapy and we're looking into meds, especially for the OCD one. In the beginning, both of them would openly defy anyone who didn't meet their demands. One child spent well over an hour throwing himself about and having a fit because he'd never really eaten vegetables and I'd cut a green bean into three pieces and he was expected to eat it. It was the threat of a spanking and an explanation of how much my spanking hurt that finally made him do it.

As for slapping in the face? Wow, I'd love to at times. I don't though. I actually regret not doing so at one point when the lovely boy made a smart alec and extremely lewd, crude, detailed suggestion (ie why don't you...) when I was explaining where cow milk comes from. In retrospect I should have knocked the boy flat and nobody can tell me it would have been abusive if I would have. Most likely would have done him a world of good.

All kids respond different to discipline, whether it's spanking or time out, taking away privileges or handing out chores or doing restitution. I have five kids and I teach school. Some kids would definitely benefit from being smacked upside the head on occasion! You get these fools walking into class grabbing at each other, cussing, disrespecting you and the class, disrupting everything, and yeah. I'd love to see one of the security officers just toss one across the room sometimes. LOL I actually did get the pleasure of seeing one little punk try to be big and bad with the officer, and the officer practically tossed him into the chair while yelling at him to knock it off and shut up. I had to keep from cracking up when the officer walked away and the boy whispered "I'm not afraid of you." So quiet that I was the only one who could hear it. I think maybe he WAS afraid of him! :laugh:

If you haven't read "parenting with love and logic," it's an awesome book and talks about parenting methods. None of them include physical discipline. Some people are forced by their state laws to not use physical discipline. Part of the agreement for foster parents is that you may not use physical discipline on the child. The kid can pull down his pants and urinate on you and you may not physically discipline him. Don't be so quick to judge those that don't spank.

 

[Jon-Marc]

My sorry-excuse-for-a-dad hit me HARD many times across the back of my legs with whatever was handy, and he would often send me out to get a switch from a tree--telling if it wasn't big enough, he would get one himself. A heavy belt was one of his weapons.

I would scream bloody murder as he beat on my legs because of the severe pain. He would hold me by one arm as he beat me so I couldn't get away and say, "When you stop screaming, I'll stop hitting you." I would bite my lower lip to stop myself from screaming and endure the continued beating until his anger was appeased; at which time he would stop. That happened any time I displeased him, and I was NEVER able to please him. (Well, I guess I can't say never; he looked proud one time when I ran from a man who was trying to get me into his van.) I would limp off to my room, fall on my bed and cry my eyes out.

However, I see nothing wrong with a simple spanking--NOT beating and not on the legs; that could cripple a child. Also, a child should never be hit on the face or the head.

 

[matt wade]

I think this is an important discussion. Participate if you have something of real substance to say, but the sarcasm is out of place.

Thank you.

I was replying to a poster on this thread. If my post was off topic, why not theirs? They made the assertion that "no spanking = children become Christians". I didn't agree with that and used my methods to show that I disagreed. Sorry you don't like my methods.