<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nicole:
Just an aside...that gives some hope, a church we went to for many years with a WONDERFUL preacher, had a change in leadership and our pastor was led to move somewhere else...then the new guy came in. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you for your story. My wife's history is similar and her husband had molested his own three daughters, but was beating my wife and throwing her into walls, etc. She too was given BAD advice by a pastor, but as soon as the oldest daughter talked, my wife called the police that night and the pastor helped hide her and the children until the police could finish their case to lock him up. After my wife and the kids got through with him in court the judge saw fit to give him a life term and two consecutive 15 year sentences. He is still serving, but will come up for parole when my oldest daughter is 18 which will only be two years. I married her because I loved her and the children (right or wrong) and I knew those kids needed a Christian father. We have had MAJOR problems with all of them (all the counselors said we would, it is typical with abused children to turn on their mother when they are older because they feel inside that she put them into the situation even though she knew nothing about it.) She REALLY had a problem with this child molester at church, as I did too because we have seen the pain the children go through. They too are sentenced to a life of suffering. They have a different concept of reality than non-molested children do. This is the reason stood up as a family (I have adopted the three girls because his parental rights were stripped away by the court). It is amazing how many people just think abuse whether it is spousal like yours or child abuse is not their problem. They say "why doesn't the wife just move out." The answer is way too complex: They are afraid of getting killed. They are afraid of not having a way to support themselves and or their kids. Plus, a lot of other factors. People do NOT understand abuse unless they have been exposed to it....I am convinced of this. Our child molester at church turned himself into the victim and had grown men crying because he had to spend 8 months in a day prison. They are EXPERTS at being the victim. I bet your husband would turn himself into the victim and make it look like your fault after he beat you. But, honey, if you wouldn't do these things I wouldn't get mad and hit you, etc. etc. I bet you KNOW what I'm talking about. Surprisingly, in a church, many were raised in Christian homes and they have NO CONCEPT of the evil they are dealing with and are easily sucked into the victimization stories of the molesters. You need to read a seven page hand written letter this guy wrote me from prison appologizing, then blaming everything on DHS ("This couldn't happen in America") because they wanted to take the child out of the house and blaming it on the police detectives because they wanted to press charges after he "had his life straighted out in church". By the way, I don't know if I mentioned it, but he didn't go to church until he was caught. Thanks for your story, very enlightening.
Just an aside...that gives some hope, a church we went to for many years with a WONDERFUL preacher, had a change in leadership and our pastor was led to move somewhere else...then the new guy came in. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thank you for your story. My wife's history is similar and her husband had molested his own three daughters, but was beating my wife and throwing her into walls, etc. She too was given BAD advice by a pastor, but as soon as the oldest daughter talked, my wife called the police that night and the pastor helped hide her and the children until the police could finish their case to lock him up. After my wife and the kids got through with him in court the judge saw fit to give him a life term and two consecutive 15 year sentences. He is still serving, but will come up for parole when my oldest daughter is 18 which will only be two years. I married her because I loved her and the children (right or wrong) and I knew those kids needed a Christian father. We have had MAJOR problems with all of them (all the counselors said we would, it is typical with abused children to turn on their mother when they are older because they feel inside that she put them into the situation even though she knew nothing about it.) She REALLY had a problem with this child molester at church, as I did too because we have seen the pain the children go through. They too are sentenced to a life of suffering. They have a different concept of reality than non-molested children do. This is the reason stood up as a family (I have adopted the three girls because his parental rights were stripped away by the court). It is amazing how many people just think abuse whether it is spousal like yours or child abuse is not their problem. They say "why doesn't the wife just move out." The answer is way too complex: They are afraid of getting killed. They are afraid of not having a way to support themselves and or their kids. Plus, a lot of other factors. People do NOT understand abuse unless they have been exposed to it....I am convinced of this. Our child molester at church turned himself into the victim and had grown men crying because he had to spend 8 months in a day prison. They are EXPERTS at being the victim. I bet your husband would turn himself into the victim and make it look like your fault after he beat you. But, honey, if you wouldn't do these things I wouldn't get mad and hit you, etc. etc. I bet you KNOW what I'm talking about. Surprisingly, in a church, many were raised in Christian homes and they have NO CONCEPT of the evil they are dealing with and are easily sucked into the victimization stories of the molesters. You need to read a seven page hand written letter this guy wrote me from prison appologizing, then blaming everything on DHS ("This couldn't happen in America") because they wanted to take the child out of the house and blaming it on the police detectives because they wanted to press charges after he "had his life straighted out in church". By the way, I don't know if I mentioned it, but he didn't go to church until he was caught. Thanks for your story, very enlightening.
)The pastor spoke to both of us together and when I asked him if this was wrong for me to do he said absolutly not. I had completly forgiven him, I don't hold it against him and I would never bring it up to throw in his face...it's forgiven. But as our pastor said, we are human....every one of us can be given in to temptation. He said that my husband has shown that he has a weakness in this area and so in order to edify our brothers or sisters in christ there HAS to be a system of accountability. After being engaged in this behavior for quite some time, yes, he was truly sorry, BUT, had he gotten right back on the internet in the middle of the night, don't you agree that satan would use that as a tool to get to him. Knowing he's weak there, he then should refrain from using it because it would be way too easy to fall. This guy Phillip spoke of may truly have repented, I hope for his own sake and for the sake of children everywhere that he has. Only God knows his heart, he does tell us that we will know them by the fruits that they bear speaking of christians. We can forgive him while at the same time being carefully aware that this is an area of weakness for this person. We should be aware of that and help him not fall....take whatever measures necessary to insure that as long as he is within the doors of your church, he will not be put in the position where he could act on his temptation. He should have an accountability system set up. Normally I wouldn't say that he would have to air what he did, but come on, it is a law that pedophiles be made known to their communities. Usually city hall keeps a list and any resident at any time can view that list to see where they are. If the parents knew ahead of time....still forgave, and hey, maybe a few of them would even allow him to be with their kids...the point is, because the parents are aware of his weakness, he may be less tempted to act on it because the parents most likely will speak to their children about it, they will be more likely to find out. I could forgive him, I could be kind to him, show him mercy, minister to him...at the same time however, I would NEVER allow my children alone with him. When they were around him, my eyes would never waiver..God gave me this children and it is my responsibility to be a good shephard. The BIBLE says this. I'll guarantee you that if a shepard had a wolf come around that appeared gentle and friendly while in his presense, he may pet him, maybe he would feed him, play with him...NO good shephard would arbitrarily just allow that wolf near his flock if he weren't right over top of them ready and able to protect them should that wolf turn on them. Same with this guy. This guy is serving in his church...maybe your church doesn't do this but ours is very selective on who they have in certain ministries. I'm not saying punish him, but be aware...definitly longer than eight months..his sentence was served, but it will take a long time for him to restore his reputation.