Quitting the Ministry

I've been helping out my home church for the past two years. I'm not one that caters to the term "pastor", I prefer "moderator".

But anyway, I believe that we miss an important issue: God calls men to preach his word and the office of the pastor is just that, an office. Too many times, too many men are led to believe that they must pastor a church. I think that is influenced by our fellow man and not by the Lord.

I feel that the Lord has led me to help out our church, and though there are times I want to give up, the Lord doesn't open a door of escape for me. I again realize that there is a reason why I stay.

Without me wife's backing, this would be all the more diffcult. How could I "pastor" if I can't make things work in my own home?

Another thing that I've learned: no matter what I say or do, I CAN'T MAKE ANYBODY DO ANYTHING. It's up to the Lord and the church's acceptance of his will. Don't try to make the church see things your way, pray that they will desire to do things God's way.

That's just my 2 cents.

 

Dear j_barner,
Maybe I am in an unusual church, but the more I see, the more I question that statistic.

I have noticed that sometimes pastors think that their congregations do not understand them, not realizing the nature of their jobs or the time demands. I more and more think that many pastors do not understand the nature of their church members' lives nor the demands placed upon them.

And it is hard for other church members even in a relatively small church to know enough about other members. Then it is too easy to make assumptions.
A pastor may feel underappreciated because his
church member does not understand he was called to the hospital at 2:00 a.m. I have seen church members feel underappreciated by the pastor because they were struggling with Crohn's Disease or another long-term debilitating illness, and the pastor just looked at outward appearances and classified them as a slacker.
I know a man in his 70's who until recently has been physically caring for a man over 100. This man's care for the older man has been invisible to all but a very few who just happened to know about it. And PROBABLY a number of people have looked at the 70 plus man and thought: "SLACKER!" because he didn't do many things that visible in church.

So PLEASE MAKE SURE while you as a pastor feel underappreciated that members of your congregation don't think they have reasons to think the same about you.
I honestly believe that at least some of this 80-20 statistic involves a false dichotomy that teaching Sunday School IS ministry and such things as ministering physically and spiritually to a 101 year old man is not really ministry. And if a person with Crohn's, or recovering from back surgery, or dealing with neuropathy, or dealing with extreme grief, etc., etc., etc., is doing what they can, they are ministering even if the pastor does not think it enough.

Let's ALL be a little more quick to assume the best instead of automatically assuming the worst.

Karen

 

The reason why most pastors leave a church is because of eight people or less.

You might be able to guess who those are.

Like they say, "If you want to get something done ask the busiest person to do it." The busiest person will find a way to get it done.

 

I've been reading these posts with much interest. My family has been members at a church for 5+ years now. We have both repeatedly volunteered for almost anything that the pastor and his wife ask for help with. The problem is that they will not relinquish control of even simple tasks to church members. My husband has been supposedly in charge of planning church activities, but is not allowed to write letters of introduction for himself, or letters of thanks when organizations help out. The pastor insists on doing this himself, as well as requiring my husband to seek his approval on most details.

I had asked at one time how I could help to get a women's group meeting, just for fellowship (The pastor's wife was already holding occasional Bible studies and said no other women were qualified to do that). I was told that the pastor's wife had to be in charge of that. I started inviting small groups of women to fellowship at my home, but soon found that she would plan the same type events within the same time period. I could never understand the why's of this, and pretty much gave up giving ideas or offering help, except with nursery work and such. My husband and I are not the only ones in the chuch who have met with this type of frustration.

The point of my post is that this pastor and his wife have people who are willing to help, but they won't trust others to run anything. I understand the need for them to make sure all events and activities are run according to Biblical principals and the church's statement of faith, but I fear they will burn out by insisting on doing almost everything themselves. They won't hear a word of it, however.

 

I would like to say that I think Karen has made a good point a couple of times now about how busy almost everyone is these days! I and the other elders at Immanuel have decided to set aside certain areas of ministry we would like to see the church pursue precisely because of this. We just couldn't bring ourselves to create any more pressure on people to do more. And, by the way, in our church at least 80% are heavily involved in the ministry of the church.

However, to balance my comments a bit, I would also observe that many of those who work so many hours a week (60-80, e.g.) in their jobs have simply got their priorities mixed up. I remember when I first came to Immanuel and one of the elders told me that he and other men in the church were working 60-80 hours a week and then serving in the church as well, and that they expected that I would be putting in a similar number of hours per week in addition to Sunday and Wednesday night obligations at the church. I responded that just because they constantly burned the candle at both ends was no reason that I had to, and that I had been doing that for years working my way through seminary and watching my health deteriorate and that I wasn't going to keep up that kind of pace anymore. For not only was my health suffering, but my family life wasn't what it should be either, and I was so exhausted all the time that I was a basket case who was not able to minister to others as effectively as I should. In short, I told them that they either had to significantly alter their expectations or find another guy. I also challenged them to take a close look at their own priorities, for I had observed that they were not giving either the church or their own families the attention they deserved. They chose to call me, convinced that I was God's desire for this body.

Now, I have had many seasons when such long hours could not be avoided, and I probably do spend more hours than that much of the time, if one includes all the time spent in discussion and prayer with my wife and others in the church regarding concerns within and without the congregation. But I do my best to keep a balanced approach and to know when to say, "No." And over the past ten years at Immanuel I have seen this example be a positive influence on other men in the church as well. Soli Deo Gloria!!

Just some observations.

Pastork

http://www.immanuelhomepage.org/
http://immanuelforum.org/phpbb/index.php

 

Yes, I see Karen's point. However, I know that at the church where I serve as an intern, the pastoral staff are all bi-vocational. We all know that our jobs take 50 hours a week to manage and then there is the ministry God has called us into.

I know that time management is important. I truly believe that this is one of the largest causes of burnout in all aspects of life. We allow ourselves to get overwhelmed and never stop to enjoy God's creation. Many times, especially in ministry, we fail to delegate. I think this is because the folks we percieve to be willing and capable of doing the job are so busy and we can see them being overwhelmed. We don't want to add it.

And yes... some pastors fail to see how much many of our members really do. This is because we have made ourselves so busy. Often, too, we fail to ask members to step up and meet a need, thus adding to our burden and possibly "robbing" members of our congregation of the blessing of serving Him in a ministry.

Thanks for making the points all. After praying about this thread and looking it over again... I see that many times that pastors overwhelm ourselves by not delegating and allowing God to work through our members who are willing to serve Him.

 

JustasIam

Sometimes this is attributed to selfishness, but sometimes the reason only certain in the church get to do things is their "fellowship" with the pastor/meeting any and every little desire he might have, not including the big "no-no's".

Some pastors draw strength from those they know they can trust, ( kinda sounds strange when the situation is that you can't trust the pastor).

I know this sortof detracts from the topic, but I will do my best to bring it into focus.

I suggest two things, only one will be effective in your "dilemma": 1st, invent something to do with the church that somebody else ISN'T already doing, something Biblical, within the guidelines of the church, meeting the pastor's approval, especially to involve him and the congregation, fellowship is a good excuse.
2nd: leave this church and find somewhere the pastor will let you do something, but first talk to the pastor before you leave, and if he won't hear it, leave!
Now to quickly get back on topic: If the pastor is thinking on quitting, it could be the congregation isn't living up to his expectation, but when Jeremiah wanted to quit, he said it was like a fire shut-up in his bones, he COULDN"T QUIT!

The question is who put the fire there? ow is it something as well covered as within the marrow of your bones can be extinguished and by what?

I believe in adding fuel to the fire, not trying to douse the flames!

JustasIam, I know too well what you're talking about. We left achurch like that. The pastor's family and one other family did everything in the church, a very active church. When it came time for some one else to give it a go, they just couldn't help but to "help" out.

We had a "homeschool support group" there, the same two families took that to their charge as well. After two years the original 12 families dwindled down to, you guessed it! two!


The "lesser" family left the church to pastor another one. I was "granted" the opportunity to lead a program. When I "failed" to heed the advice of the pastor's daughter in-law, I was told by the pastor,"One can follow the advice of others, or "suffer" the consequences"

We really had a good church before all this began to happen, but we are now in an excellant church.

Our old church, the one I joined right after I got saved, was called to preach in, filled with the Spirit of God, and had to leave for the sake of my family to avoid corruption.

I am very sad to report many in the church have left also. More than a few of the young people have gone way-out into the world. A young lady is facing prison for forgery and grand larceny,(this was one of the prominant) Another under investigation for the same. The church has pretty much gone through a complete makeover except for a certain few, that is the good point!

This man of God is really a good pastor, but I'm afraid he is too easily pulled in by a certain few.

I've seen a young preacher come in from another church and practically split the church, well can't say practically, he has.

So what is a pastor to do? Become callous, uncaring, lacking concern to the point of becoming so discouraged that he wants to quit?

I see my old pastor and he paints on his smile to greet me, all the while waiting for the right opportunity to pull out his little pen-knife and take a jab. His next opportunity will be soon at a youth meeting we're having next month he's preaching at. His son went on the mission field to replace a man who needed a year off, but when he came to present his work asking for support, he wielded his pen-knife and made sure to take a poke while "preaching" Of course when swervice was over he painted on his little smile and shook my hand. I saw it as a smirk on his face knowing exactly what he'd done.

I look at all this, and a WHOLE lot I wouldn't dare get into, as prepatory class for a future event; my turn to pastor, hopefully less turmoil, but I don't expect any less. I hope to maintain the right attitude, now that's hard for a man to do, and the only way he can is to stay on his face before God in deep reverence to Him and with his congregation in mind.

I think of that line in that famous song, "He knew me, yet He loved me, when He was on the Cross, I was on His mind!" Shouldn't pastors be Christlike? Of course all Christians should be, well Christians are, that's what gives them the reputation of being one!

To all who have ever thought about quitting: Don't quit!! But if you can quit, then please, quit!

I've tried to quit, and I have never pastored, tried to help the pastor the best I knew how, but I can't quit! Too many lives at stake! I'm glad somebody didn't quit when I needed Him, Jesus NEVER quit, all the way to Calvary!

Oh, am I preaching? Well, that's what God called me to do! Why not preach where you can see people need help? PREACH!

 

QS,
You hit the nail on the head. I'm so sorry you were in a similar situation because I know the pain my family and I have gone through as a result of this type of "clique".

We did wind up resigning, and suffice to say, when the pastor did contact us (by mail -10 days later), he was not interested in any healing. The letter attacked us, right down to our motives for leaving (we gave no reason).

Out of respect for this pastor's office, I won't go into any more detail. Know that you have helped just in understanding the situation and letting me know that my family isn't alone.

God Bless You!

 

Wow! I've just read these pages and am reminded that I'm not alone in feeling discouraged in the ministry! I've often times wished that a Bible College would call me and ask to teach in their school. (I have a Th.M, but not yet earned a Doctorate degree )I've even started a Bible Institute in the church here, but because of lack of interest, etc closed it down. Maybe someday we'll restart it.
I have left two pastorates. I was an Asc Pastor for 3 1/2 years..but they knew I would become a Pastor someday, and viewed that time as training. (I still have a good relationship with the Pastor and church and they're only about a 20 minute drive from where my current pastorate is). I left them in May, 1993. I took over a small Bible Church in June 93 and stayed till August 2000, but that church just didn't grow (numerically). we averaged btwn 10-15 people, and besides one year (1997), we had no converts (and yes, we tried to reach our community). Finally, after very very very low pay (for NYC), and being bi-vocational, I said to myself, my wife, and my Lord, if another church opens up its doors (i.e. a Pastor leaves), I am submitting my resume. Anyhow, I've been at my current pastorate since Sept 2000. Sometimes I get annoyed at the deacons, (we have three), one has been a deacon for years, so sees himself in charge, another acted like a cry baby one time, and the other, so far, so good. Basically though, these deacons are very supportive of their current Pastor, the previous one was KJVO, and somewhat abusive, legalistic, etc. Sometimes, I wish I was pastoring, or teaching in a ministry closer to where my family lives, from Louisville to Atlanta. I prefer the urban environment, especially since I'm in an interracial marriage. Anyway, may God bless all my colleagues here on the BB, whether IFB's, SBC, etc!

 

Hello, everyone.
I was called to preach about 19 years ago!
I never did what the Lord wanted me to.
Why? I was raised up a Fundamental Baptist.
I found I was living by other peoples personal convictions not mine.Anyways, The Lord now is planning a work for me.Im studing alot,until He opens the door.However I am confused, I was talking on the subject The 1611 K.J.V. with others.I dont think the baptists think the same.
When I do receive a church, I dont know what I should call this church? So much of a mixup even with the history of our Bible.

 

Figure out where you stand, then proceed, it will prevent the instability fo those who are not sure the AV 1611 is the Word of God. When you have done all you know to do, Stand. If you go into a work with the attitude of looking for a way to quit, a chance to bail out, or not sure where you are headed, you'll just turn tail and run. Stand!

 

Thankyou! for your help!