Re-marriage?

[AAA]

I have a question about re-marriage after a divorce.

Matthew 19:3-9.

V6. "let no man separate". The only exception to this rule is found in V9. and that is in the case of "maritial unfaithfulness": fornication/adultery.

V9 reads: "I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for material unfaithfulness (fornication/adultery), and MARRYS another woman COMMITS ADULTRY."

I have been going to the SBC over 20 years and I see many christian people that has divorced thier spouse for a number of reasons including/excluding adultry.

In those cases that do not meet with the "exception rule" of V9, will the christian that re-marrys to another person be considered as commiting adultery? Most people that I have talked to among the SBC seems to believe: that it is not adultery if a person marrys another, even if they do not meet with the exception rule of V9.

1. Here is the question agian: Let say a man divorces his wife because she is getting old, and he marrys another woman (alot yonger). Will this be onsidered as adultery?

2. Before you answer think about this: What divorces does GOD reconize? What will He see as a valid divorce?

I am asking this question because I do not want to ask my divorced friends why they re-married. I do not want to take a chance of bring up old feelings and I do not want to offend them.

I know of a SBC preacher that told a lady that married a divorced man that she was commiting adultery with him, because GOD did not reconize his divorce, but I do not believe that all SBC preachers feel like him.

I know that God forgives divorce and I am not trying to condemn anyone who has went through a divorce. :godisgood:

GOD bless,

 

[Deacon]

There aren't many situations where a pastor would encourage divorce.
Most counsel against it, rightly.

Unfortunately it happens (quite frequently) among Christians.

How does God deal with divorce after the fact?

You say it best yourself...

I know that God forgives divorce.

GOD bless,

Rob

 

[North Carolina Tentmaker]

Well let me weigh in with my opinion.

First off, here is the bad news, this standard, like all of God standards is absolute. Divorce is never ok. Matthew 19:6 makes this clear,

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Matthew 19:9 does not give an exception to this.

Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

That does not say that it is ok to “put away” your wife, even if she commits adultery. What it says is that if adultery has already occurred, then your divorce did not cause the adultery. The divorce is still wrong and the adultery is still wrong, but if your spouse has already cheated on you then you did not cause them to. These verses in Matthew 19 restate what Jesus said back in Matthew 5:31-32

It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

The Law is absolute. OK, here is the good news, we are not under the Law!

If you want to find an exception to this absolute standard you could use I Corinthians 7:15 which specifically deals with unbelieving spouses who leave their believing partners. It says specifically

A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases

But you don’t have to find an exception, all you need to find is forgiveness. The divorce was a sin, ask for forgiveness then move on. You can make excuses all day long about how you had no choice and it’s not your fault. That won’t help you. Admit your sin, admit you fell short of God’s perfect standard, claim the forgiveness he promised, and then move on.

Are you still married? Are you “bound to a wife?” Then don’t seek to be loosed. Are you divorced? Then don’t seek to be bound. (I Cor 7:27)

What about . . . ? There are a million different possible scenarios. We got divorced then I got saved, should I go back to her. I am remarried to someone else, should I divorce to reconcile with my first wife? There is a clear answer in I Cor 7:20

Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.

Your friends who have been through divorce need forgiveness not excuses. Yes what they did was wrong, confess and move on.

 

[North Carolina Tentmaker]

Let me add this about abusive relationships. Unfortunately these get swept under the rug a lot in fundamental churches. The wife might come in for counseling and be told, “There is no cause for divorce except adultery.” Well her husband is not cheating on her but he is beating the crap out of her on a regular basis.

Please listen to me pastors. She is not going to tell you all of the facts. She is not going to want to admit her husband beats her. He will have already gotten inside her head and convinced her that it her fault anyway and if she would just be a good wife and submit to him it would be better.

I could give you several cases I have been involved in first hand where women stayed in these relationships for years because they thought it would be a sin to leave their husbands. I am not talking about a sharp word every now and then I am talking about systematic physical abuse resulting in broken bones and hospital visits. And when they went to their church for help they were told that if they would just be good submissive wives then God would bless them.

Please be careful with your advice.

 

[Jon-Marc]

I divorced my fist wife because she was giving herself to any man who would have her. I remarried (which was a big mistake) because I felt I could. However, my second wife divorced me because she found I had faults, which she didn't have.:laugh: I have no idea if I can marry a third time, but I have no desire to do so. Besides, I have such lousy success with women.

 

[skypair]

AAA,

First off, ALL sin was forgiven by Christ.

Second, God Himself divorced Israel, Jer 3:8. So there is grounds for divorce and it is lack of trust which is sin against the husband (FYI, I am divorced and remarried).

Third, that brings up the issue -- what is "unfaithfulness?" Is that like Israel with God? It is certainly not like God with Israel, right?

One man -- one wife. i think that says it all. Those of Cain's clan thought they could comingle with any such as they desired. That is wrong. But marriage is supposed to be a "testimony" of salvation and marriage to Christ. If it is "hell on earth," it isn't according to the plan of God.

skypair

 

[Helen]

There are instances when divorce and remarriage are completely biblical. Let me give you this example, and it is mine.

I was married for 20 years to my high school sweetheart. I was faithful to him throughout. He, however, evidently had a series of women on and off through most of the marriage (he may have just been trying to get me mad when he left, but I have no reason to doubt his statement about that). In 1991 he gave me a four day notice that he was getting a room and leaving me and our six children. I was stunned. Why??? He told me he wanted time alone with God.

Baloney. He had another woman waiting and that is where he ended up. He never looked back. He did not want reconciliation although I begged. He did not remain involved in the children's lives, although I begged him to do that, too. He just walked away, filed for divorce, and, about a month (I think -- he never informed me or the children until after the fact) after our divorce was final, he was married to this latest lady of his.

I did not think I could marry again. My reasoning was, "Maybe he can break his vows, but that doesn't mean I should." So I stayed faithful to a man who wanted nothing to do with me and was married to someone else.

In 1998 I resigned from teaching and sort of fell into editing for some science researchers, helping them prepare their articles for submission for publication. Barry Setterfield heard about me and asked me to check one of his papers. I had read some of his material in the early 1980's, was totally impressed with his intelligence, and refused! He was in physics, astronomy, and geology and my interests were in biology and genetics.

He asked again and finally prevailed and I read his paper on a Word file. It was so technical I figured he had about 6 people in the world who could understand it. So we started working on it via email. He called me from Australia a number of times and we became long distance friends. I figured at 12,000 miles away I was perfectly safe being friends with a guy -- something I had avoided entirely since the divorce (for the reason that I did not want any woman to even have a shadow of doubt about me or feel any tinge of the pain I had gone through with my ex).

That autumn he ended up praying me through a few very hard times. One of my sons was arrested and one of my daughters was raped. It was an unbelievable time.

Gradually the threads of friendship grew stronger, although we both had told each other that marriage was not in the offing at all and we were happy with our friendship.

As the months went by, friendship turned to love and both of us felt confused. I was divorced. Could I marry again? He is a Christian leader, what about that?

We both sought out counselling. And this is something that he was told that let us both know that in our situation I was unconditionally free to remarry:

In the Old Testament, when one of the marriage partners commited adultery, that person and the adulterous other were stoned to death. That left the innocent marriage partner a widow/widower. As such, she or he was free to remarry, as they were now widowed.

Today we do not stone adulterers, but instead divorce is allowed. Does this leave the innocent party in a position to be penalized for the rest of his or her natural life because of what the other person did?

After my ex left, a few weeks later, I was reading Proverbs and came across exactly what had happened:

"It [wisdom] will save you also from the adulteress,
from the wayward wife with her seductive words,
who has left the partner of her youth
and ignored the covenant she made before God.
For her house leads down to death'and her paths to the spirits of the dead.
None who go to her return
or attain the paths of life."
Proverbs 2:16-19

When I read that I literally, and out loud, screamed at God, "NO! He's my HUSBAND!"

But those words were there. Biblically, he was counted as dead.

God was telling me then that I was widowed in a way. I was free to remarry.

That didn't happen for nine years, as I wanted nothing to do with a man again for a very long time! But I was free, completely free as a single lady, to remarry or stay single, as I chose.

 

[Brother Jeremy Slone]

We are not under the law like the jews. Christ fulfilled the law and put his Spirit in us to guide us. And He said if you love me keep my commandments. are his commandments just law the we are not under as well. Are we free from Christ's commandments.

Romans 6:15 What then? shall we sin because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. :16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?

If me and my wife divorce she should not marry nor I. until we can be reconciled back together for she is my wife. If another marries her, they have committed adultery with my wife. If i die whether reconciled or not then she is free to marry like in Romans 7:1-3.

John 14:3 For Herod had laid hold on John, and bound him, and put him in prison for Herodias' sake, his brother Philip's wife. :4 For John said unto him, It is not lawful for thee to have her. and in Mark 6:17 For Herod himself had sent forth and laid hold upon John, and bound him in prison for Herodias' sake, his borther Philip's wife: for he had married her. Is this why Christ died to free us from the law so Herod could have his brother's wife?

Galatians 5:13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

 

[Brother Jeremy Slone]

Helen I wanted to be clear in my view, In Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. To me the exception here I do not see like the above poster but I think fornication frees you from the marriage and you can marry again with out committing adultery.

I know this topic is made to be so confusing but its America. I would like to read historians teachings on this throughout history. I think our society is getting so bad and we are dragging alot of it in the church with us.

 

[Brother Bob]

I thought Jesus quoted both the Law (bill of divorcement) and the Grace (saving the cause of fornication). I don't know where you are getting that was under the Law. I know He came under the Law, but He came to teach the way of Grace.

Example:
Eye for and eye (Law)
Love your enemies (Grace)

 

[TaterTot]

Notice that when David committed his sin with Bathsheba, he ultimately did marry her. Now I know this wasnt "divorce", but it did deal with the breaking of marriage fidelity. It does show God's character in this area, however, because God did not require them to seperate or to "make things right". After the time of repentance and bearing consequences (wich lasted throughout the rest of David's life), God restored him to His service, and He blessed them.

If God was such a legalistic God, He wouldn't have lovingly restored David and still called him a man after His own heart.

 

[tinytim]

For some reason I was under the impression that David wasn't restored... at least not to where he was before.

As a side note, Matthew lists Bathsheba (indirectly) in the lineage of David.

If she had not been a legal wife of David, then Matthew could not have listed Solomon as Jesus' ancestor.

The whole point of Matthew was to show that Jesus was the rightful heir to the throne.

Which Matthew does by taking his list right through this home wreckers line.

 

[EdSutton]

For some reason I was under the impression that David wasn't restored... at least not to where he was before.

As a side note, Matthew lists Bathsheba (indirectly) in the lineage of David.

If she had not been a legal wife of David, then Matthew could not have listed Solomon as Jesus' ancestor.

The whole point of Matthew was to show that Jesus was the rightful heir to the throne.

Which Matthew does by taking his list right through this home wreckers line.

David, the homewrecker!

Novel saying I've never heard before, but true.

Yer' right, tinytim.

Ed

 

[Jon-Marc]

I've heard it said that many have sinned as David did, but few have repented as he did. I shed no tears when I came to the Lord and asked for salvation, but that doesn't make me any less forgiven than David. I just tend to be a lot less emotional than he apparently was thanks to a dad who taught me that men don't show emotions.

 

[tinytim]

David, the homewrecker!

Novel saying I've never heard before, but true.

Yer' right, tinytim.

Ed

I was actually talking about Bathseba... (remember David was married also to Saul's daughter when he had the affair, )

But, yeah, David really wrecked his home didn't he.

I could see it now if they were a bunch of rednecks...
On Springer...

Ya ol' homewrecker, ya dun took my woman!
YOU don't know me, don't be hatin'

 

[tinytim]

I've heard it said that many have sinned as David did, but few have repented as he did. I shed no tears when I came to the Lord and asked for salvation, but that doesn't make me any less forgiven than David. I just tend to be a lot less emotional than he apparently was thanks to a dad who taught me that men don't show emotions.

I am a big ol cry baby...

 

[Brother Jeremy Slone]

I thought Jesus quoted both the Law (bill of divorcement) and the Grace (saving the cause of fornication). I don't know where you are getting that was under the Law. I know He came under the Law, but He came to teach the way of Grace.

Example:
Eye for and eye (Law)
Love your enemies (Grace)

I was referring to tent maker when he used that we are not under the law when, I believe, he was addressing the commandments of Christ. When I said would we be free from his commandments? I did not answer but my answer would be no, we are to keep his commandments. Well if we love him anyway we are to keep them. I believe we are to keep Christs commandments in the Grace covenant and I believe we do this through the Spirit that he gave us. Just like in Acts chapter 15 when they said we are not to drink blood. But some would say we are not under the law we are free, talking about this old natural man to do as he would. So they would say I can drink blood. But I would say we are prisoners of Jesus Christ and we are free in the Spirit but the natural man is to be reckoned dead. Paul said he delighted in the law after the inner man. This is not the same as the law the jews had. This was a law they could not keep or could be justified by and it just pronounced them guilty, but through the Spirit we mortify the deeds of the flesh and this is our liberty if we walk in obedience to it.

The jewish law was a ritual, ceromonial type, we have a spiritual worship. But I believe all the moral laws of God are still moral and upright before him.

Brother BoB I am not sure if you meant me but I thought u did so I wanted to clear it up a little.

 

[Brother Bob]

I was referring to tent maker when he used that we are not under the law when, I believe, he was addressing the commandments of Christ. When I said would we be free from his commandments? I did not answer but my answer would be no, we are to keep his commandments. Well if we love him anyway we are to keep them. I believe we are to keep Christs commandments in the Grace covenant and I believe we do this through the Spirit that he gave us. Just like in Acts chapter 15 when they said we are not to drink blood. But some would say we are not under the law we are free, talking about this old natural man to do as he would. So they would say I can drink blood. But I would say we are prisoners of Jesus Christ and we are free in the Spirit but the natural man is to be reckoned dead. Paul said he delighted in the law after the inner man. This is not the same as the law the jews had. This was a law they could not keep or could be justified by and it just pronounced them guilty, but through the Spirit we mortify the deeds of the flesh and this is our liberty if we walk in obedience to it.

Wasn't referring to you. I was asking an honest question. Didn't Jesus give both cases when talking about divorce? The Law and the Grace?

 

[EdSutton]

I've heard it said that many have sinned as David did, but few have repented as he did. I shed no tears when I came to the Lord and asked for salvation, but that doesn't make me any less forgiven than David. I just tend to be a lot less emotional than he apparently was thanks to a dad who taught me that men don't show emotions.

I've heard the same thing, and it, at least the last part about David, simply is not true.
Nowhere does Scripture ever say David "repented" of anything, especially of his sins. He did, as a believer, and as we do in this age, "confess it" both to Nathan and to the LORD. Read Psalm 51, and the passage in Samuel. Hence the LORD did restore to him the joy of his salvation, as David prayed.

You, on the other hand did repent, for while Godly sorrow can and does work repentance, nowhere does it say any tears are required for salvation, only faith/believe, not even 'asking' for salvation.

"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved".

You give testimony that you did believe, hence you have been saved, end of story, beginning of new life! Praise the Lord!
"Thanks be to God for His unspeakable gift!"

Ed

 

[EdSutton]

I could see it now if they were a bunch of rednecks...
On Springer...

Ya ol' homewrecker, ya dun took my woman!
YOU don't know me, don't be hatin'

Unfortunately, :laugh: :laugh:

Ed