Separation in marriage

[evangelist6589]

I have a cousin "Jacob" whom attends a church in California and his pastor has just suggested that he and his wife separate. Jacob is a strong christian and has never hurt his wife physically, does not get drunk, does not cheat on his wife, and has done nothing to warrant such a move. His wife however wants out of the marriage just for that reason, and only for that reason, because she does not like her husband and no longer wants to be married to Jacob. His pastor thinks that if they separate for 6 months it will bring healing to the marriage.

There is a verse that condemns separation (1 Cor 7:10) in both the ESV & NIV translations, however since Jacob's church is KJVO which says this;

1 Cor 7:10 KJV

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:

the pastor of the KJVO church thinks that depart = divorce which leaves room for separation by his interpretation. The pastor thinks the ESV & NIV are inferior to the KJV and will not take them seriously.

So what say you? How can I help my cousin?

 

[Jordan Kurecki]

I have a cousin "Jacob" whom attends a church in California and his pastor has just suggested that he and his wife separate. Jacob is a strong christian and has never hurt his wife physically, does not get drunk, does not cheat on his wife, and has done nothing to warrant such a move. His wife however wants out of the marriage just for that reason, and only for that reason, because she does not like her husband and no longer wants to be married to Jacob. His pastor thinks that if they separate for 6 months it will bring healing to the marriage.

There is a verse that condemns separation (1 Cor 7:10) in both the ESV & NIV translations, however since Jacob's church is KJVO which says this;

1 Cor 7:10 KJV


the pastor of the KJVO church thinks that depart = divorce which leaves room for separation by his interpretation. The pastor thinks the ESV & NIV are inferior to the KJV and will not take them seriously.

So what say you? How can I help my cousin?

in the context I do think that it means divorce, but I still don't know why this Pastor is recommending a separation.

I fail to see how separation would help.

Marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ, and certainly it isn't good for us to separate from him!

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

1st...tell him to run away from that pastor.

 

[go2church]

Tell him to find a real marriage counselor.

 

[Don]

I have a cousin "Jacob" him attends a church....

 

[Don]

Have to agree with EWF and G2C, in that order; for the reason Jordan gave (marriage is a picture).

Consider this: there is NEVER only one "guilty" party in human relationships. You say that she has no reason; baloney. And that's where the marriage counselor comes in, to help both of them admit their part in what's happening.

What would I would tell your cousin? If he really loves his wife, and wants to exemplify Christ's love for the church, then he needs to put her after his personal walk with God, and before their children, his job (including his ministry, because that's not his personal walk; that's his "job"), and himself. He needs to love her more than himself, and sacrifice *everything* for her, just as Christ sacrificed it all for us.

And if he wants to make excuses or give reasons about why he can't, then maybe it's better that they do separate, because they can't exemplify Christ and the church if they *won't* exemplify Christ and the church. But as the head of the wife, *HE* has to make it happen.

Tell him to pray.

 

[Yeshua1]

I have a cousin "Jacob" whom attends a church in California and his pastor has just suggested that he and his wife separate. Jacob is a strong christian and has never hurt his wife physically, does not get drunk, does not cheat on his wife, and has done nothing to warrant such a move. His wife however wants out of the marriage just for that reason, and only for that reason, because she does not like her husband and no longer wants to be married to Jacob. His pastor thinks that if they separate for 6 months it will bring healing to the marriage.

There is a verse that condemns separation (1 Cor 7:10) in both the ESV & NIV translations, however since Jacob's church is KJVO which says this;

1 Cor 7:10 KJV


the pastor of the KJVO church thinks that depart = divorce which leaves room for separation by his interpretation. The pastor thinks the ESV & NIV are inferior to the KJV and will not take them seriously.

So what say you? How can I help my cousin?

The Bible teaches to us that they Husband and Wife can choose freely not to come together in sexual relations, but that would be when both agreed to have it as a time unto the Lord, and would also see that seperation can be helpful only if BOTH parties are still commited to working it out and to be se in the end staying together, but just think most of the time it is really final stage before divorce!

 

[Yeshua1]

in the context I do think that it means divorce, but I still don't know why this Pastor is recommending a separation.

I fail to see how separation would help.

Marriage is a picture of our relationship with Christ, and certainly it isn't good for us to separate from him!

It could be IF both parties are interested in using that period to really address and work on their issues...

 

[Rolfe]

Are "Jacob" and his Wife members/regular attenders of the same church?

 

[JonC]

I have a cousin "Jacob" whom attends a church in California and his pastor has just suggested that he and his wife separate.

EW&F is right.

Paul's words to husbands and wives were not suggestions. If a pastor can suggest separation to help a marriage, then perhaps that pastor should not pastor married people. Love is an action, not an emotion. It is something that we do (this is why I suggested worshiping God with your family) not a feeling. Your cousin needs to do the same (regardless of his wife's actions, he should love her and respect their marriage).

 

[annsni]

I guarantee you there is more to this story than we know.

 

[preachinjesus]

Regardless of what's going on behind the scenes, without a significant, biblical reason to create separation (such as abuse or ongoing sexual wrongdoing) then no pastor should be counseling a couple to separate.

The goal would be to continue sharing space, maybe sleeping in different rooms, and having honest conversations along with some assistance from a relationship professional.

This pastor has already proven (so much as we know from the OP) that he is not a helpful counselor. I'd recommend, for your friend, to seek outside, professional assistance.

 

[evangelist6589]

EW&F is right.

Paul's words to husbands and wives were not suggestions. If a pastor can suggest separation to help a marriage, then perhaps that pastor should not pastor married people. Love is an action, not an emotion. It is something that we do (this is why I suggested worshiping God with your family) not a feeling. Your cousin needs to do the same (regardless of his wife's actions, he should love her and respect their marriage).

How can he if the pastor gives such advice? Jacob loves his wife, but will not separate from her regardless of what the pastor says. So should he just let his wife file for divorce and not do anything? If the pastor is favoring the wife and not calling her sins to account and the wife wants to divorce Jacob, why should he attend that church?

 

[evangelist6589]

Regardless of what's going on behind the scenes, without a significant, biblical reason to create separation (such as abuse or ongoing sexual wrongdoing) then no pastor should be counseling a couple to separate.

The goal would be to continue sharing space, maybe sleeping in different rooms, and having honest conversations along with some assistance from a relationship professional.

This pastor has already proven (so much as we know from the OP) that he is not a helpful counselor. I'd recommend, for your friend, to seek outside, professional assistance.

Jacob got advice from folks in another type of church and they say the Pastor is not giving good advice. Jacob has not cheated on his wife, nor committed any abuse. But he is meeting with a pastoral counselor at another Bible based church in his area in orange County this Thursday to get a second opinion.

 

[evangelist6589]

Are "Jacob" and his Wife members/regular attenders of the same church?

Both are members of the church.

 

[JonC]

How can he if the pastor gives such advice? Jacob loves his wife, but will not separate from her regardless of what the pastor says. So should he just let his wife file for divorce and not do anything? If the pastor is favoring the wife and not calling her sins to account and the wife wants to divorce Jacob, why should he attend that church?

The pastor may be correct in favoring the wife. We don't know. Jacob should remain faithful to his wife regardless of that faithfulness being returned. This is what God has exemplified throughout Scripture (His faithfulness). My advise is to back out of your cousins situation and deal with your own.

Brother, You aren't in a position to help as you are going through some of the same things. If your cousin can't even attend church with his wife because he resents the pastor not siding with him against his own wife then your cousin has serious spiritual and marital issues. Pray for your cousin, but deal with your own issues. From the little you have said if him, sounds self centered and self righteous. Work on your family.


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[evangelist6589]

The pastor may be correct in favoring the wife. We don't know. Jacob should remain faithful to his wife regardless of that faithfulness being returned. This is what God has exemplified throughout Scripture (His faithfulness). My advise is to back out of your cousins situation and deal with your own.

Brother, You aren't in a position to help as you are going through some of the same things. If your cousin can't even attend church with his wife because he resents the pastor not siding with him against his own wife then your cousin has serious spiritual and marital issues. Pray for your cousin, but deal with your own issues. From the little you have said if him, sounds self centered and self righteous. Work on your family.


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My cousin is not the one whom filed for divorce she did!

 

[Rolfe]

The pastor may be correct in favoring the wife. We don't know. Jacob should remain faithful to his wife regardless of that faithfulness being returned. This is what God has exemplified throughout Scripture (His faithfulness). My advise is to back out of your cousins situation and deal with your own.

Brother, You aren't in a position to help as you are going through some of the same things. If your cousin can't even attend church with his wife because he resents the pastor not siding with him against his own wife then your cousin has serious spiritual and marital issues. Pray for your cousin, but deal with your own issues. From the little you have said if him, sounds self centered and self righteous. Work on your family.


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Good advice.

 

[Rolfe]

My cousin is not the one whom filed for divorce she did!

Mrs. Rolf and I have never been divorced, but we have known enough people who have been to know that it is a rare thing that one spouse is completely innocent.

 

[JonC]

My cousin is not the one [who] filed for divorce she did!

Again, from what you have posted your cousin has serious spiritual and marital problems. He seems to be (again, just from your comments) very self-righteous and self centered. He will be held accountable and responsible for his part in the destruction of his family, not for his wife's. I think that, given your situation, you should avoid your cousin. There are things that you can learn here that may help you and your family. From what you say here, Jacob has not been a good husband to his wife (love, remember, is not merely an emotion). Look at the unspiritual manner that Jacob has conducted himself. You need to do the opposite. Go home, love your wife and family, attend church and be the center of influence that God has commanded you to be. Don't try to make your wife "submit," but lead through love. Watch over her. Take up for her. Protect her. Place her over your own needs and wants. Pray for Jacob but keep your distance.