How dare you judge my cousin like how you have and you do not even know him.
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Separation in marriage
- Thread starter evangelist6589
- Start date
How dare you judge my cousin like how you have and you do not even know him.
TadQueasy
Member
How about you either tell us the real story or just drop this subject all together?
You are being even stranger than normal.
John - YOU asked for advice. YOU expected advice based on only the information YOU provided.
How dare YOU get angry for getting what YOU asked for!
This is the least of your problems, but what is the strange attraction that you have for your pervasive use of "whom" instead of who?
Did you not judge his Wife to be the fully responsible one without knowing the full story?
Why do you start threads asking for advice if nearly every time you do you are unhappy with what is offered?
'Something's a half-bubble off plumb.' Jessie Duke
I am not judging your cousin. I can. however, discern from what you have provided that he has spiritual and marital problems (based on your words, not the man). You need to focus on your family and not your cousin at this time. He sounds like an arrogant, foolish man who failed to be the head of his own family out of selfish pride. You need to distance yourself and work on your marriage. Don't let his failings influence your relationship.
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Evan,
I’m going to spell out for you why I am so adamant that you distance yourself from your cousin’s marital problems. First and foremost, you are not in the position to give him advice and he is only in a position to make you stumble. But let’s look at what we know of you and your family:
On your website you wrote that Scripture did not prohibit drinking, but for you it was a sin because you had a problem with Mikes Hard Lemonade. Last year you changed your mind and told us that it was OK for you to drink but your wife thought it was a sin. People urged you to place your wife over your own desire for alcohol, but you refused. Back then we warned you that placing your wants (and even your needs) over your wife would lead to the destruction of your marriage. You attended church with your wife, but you disagreed on what you called “secondary issues.” They were not reformed (and your wife is not reformed). You were urged look after your family and not place your wants (and needs) and theological leanings over that of your wife. You refused. Your wife does not have the priority in your life that she should.
Now you are looking at what has happened to your cousin. But from what you say, he is largely to blame (he did not confront the pastor when he suggested separation, he actually wanted the pastor to confront the “sins” of his wife, he does not attend church with his wife because the pastor takes her side in the issue). Just based on this alone I can tell you that your cousin has spiritual, maturity, and martial problems. For your sake, and the sake of your marriage, distance yourself from your cousin. Put your wife above his situation. You see your cousin’s failure – do the opposite. Go home, love your wife and family, attend church and be the center of influence that God has commanded you to be. Don't try to make your wife "submit," but lead through love. Watch over her. Take up for her. Protect her. Place her over your own needs and wants. Pray for Jacob but keep your distance.
I’m going to spell out for you why I am so adamant that you distance yourself from your cousin’s marital problems. First and foremost, you are not in the position to give him advice and he is only in a position to make you stumble. But let’s look at what we know of you and your family:
On your website you wrote that Scripture did not prohibit drinking, but for you it was a sin because you had a problem with Mikes Hard Lemonade. Last year you changed your mind and told us that it was OK for you to drink but your wife thought it was a sin. People urged you to place your wife over your own desire for alcohol, but you refused. Back then we warned you that placing your wants (and even your needs) over your wife would lead to the destruction of your marriage. You attended church with your wife, but you disagreed on what you called “secondary issues.” They were not reformed (and your wife is not reformed). You were urged look after your family and not place your wants (and needs) and theological leanings over that of your wife. You refused. Your wife does not have the priority in your life that she should.
Now you are looking at what has happened to your cousin. But from what you say, he is largely to blame (he did not confront the pastor when he suggested separation, he actually wanted the pastor to confront the “sins” of his wife, he does not attend church with his wife because the pastor takes her side in the issue). Just based on this alone I can tell you that your cousin has spiritual, maturity, and martial problems. For your sake, and the sake of your marriage, distance yourself from your cousin. Put your wife above his situation. You see your cousin’s failure – do the opposite. Go home, love your wife and family, attend church and be the center of influence that God has commanded you to be. Don't try to make your wife "submit," but lead through love. Watch over her. Take up for her. Protect her. Place her over your own needs and wants. Pray for Jacob but keep your distance.
1. This is false information. I have sacrificed my Mikes for the sake of my wife and she has not brought it up because I do not drink!
2. Again false information. I did become a member of the IFB church and placed myself under their authority.
I am talking about all the drawn out debate (here) that went on at the time, John, not what you ultimately decided to do. It was not an issue of your actions but a concern of your heart and love for your wife. I am glad that you finally did quit drinking and that you do go to church with your wife (I must have misunderstood a post and took it that you were going to another church....my apologies).
But my point is that you need to stay away from your cousin's situation. Love him and pray for him, but focus on your own marriage.
Jon has some very wise words here Evan. You would be wise to stop being so stubborn and realize that what he says can be very helpful to you. We only have your side of the story of your cousin's relationship and counseling at church and I guarantee you that a pastor is not going to recommend separation just because a wife doesn't like her husband. There is WAY more going on than we are aware of and the best thing you can do is to pray for him and his wife and to worry about your own relationship with your wife and stepson.
Love it! I will definitely use it.
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Uncle Jessie stated that on an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard once. For some reason, that saying has always stuck with me. He also once said, 'Jessie, if brains was leather, you couldn't saddle a flea.' He was talking disgustedly to himself about something I do not remember.
But back to the OP, Evangelist, you have been given some very sound advice. Please heed it.
None of us are named Ray Comfort?
Change your name?
Thank you for this. Yes Jacob may not be telling the truth or every bit of it. Hmm.......
As JonC has noted you are not a person to be giving your "cousin" advice.
Beside what he has mentioned there is also the fact that in the last 2 months you have publicly bad mouthed your wife (not very loving ) had inappropriate conversation with another woman behind your wife's back ( playing with fire) thought about giving a gift to said women even after your wife made it clear that she was upset about how far your relationship with this woman had progressed, and now are no longer going to the same church as your wife (not being the spiritual leader).
Get your own family in order before you even think about helping your "cousin".
Beside what he has mentioned there is also the fact that in the last 2 months you have publicly bad mouthed your wife (not very loving ) had inappropriate conversation with another woman behind your wife's back ( playing with fire) thought about giving a gift to said women even after your wife made it clear that she was upset about how far your relationship with this woman had progressed, and now are no longer going to the same church as your wife (not being the spiritual leader).
Get your own family in order before you even think about helping your "cousin".
Okay, I have to note: your post was unnecessary. John already admitted JonC had a point. I'm not necessarily defending John; you'll note that on page 1 of this thread, I said in my own way what John is now agreeing to. But you didn't need to come along and pick at it. Remember Galatians 6:1 (and I have to be honest and admit, that goes for me more than anyone else).
the key to this would be IF the couple has abuse/adultary going on, as those to me are biblical grounds to have a seperation in order to have things worked through and out!
I was going to answer your OP earlier but waited to seek the advice of another and her opinion I value greatly... I see things one way and my wife sees them in a way sometimes I hadn't considered at the time. We Adam men our nature is to fix it but the Eve nature of our bride we are commanded to protect is relationship. Her comments are if you look to the 3rd chapter of Genesis where was Adam when Eve met the serpent?... Where was her protector?... If she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh and told to cleave to her where was he?... There was the first separation and look what happened... Now back to your cousins situation if as she see it and I related to her the whole story you do not grow closer to each other with separation... To her the pastor in this story is wrong and he needs to seek the counsel of someone who can lead both of them to a closer relationship to God... Maybe God in his mercy needs to show one or the other what love really is... Adam and Eve how much do you really love each other?... My wife last year was diagnosed with breast cancer and has just finished her chemotherapy and is soon to start radiation and her cancer is gone and it was a trying time for both of us. We are believers and she just commented the other day how she doesn't understand how any woman though men also get breast cancer could go through this trial without a belief in God... Our faith gets stronger and stronger every day. I'm studying the trials of the children of Israel and when God wanted to get their attention he sent them affliction... When they cried out to God he delivered them... Maybe your cousin and his wife need some affliction and then you will really see how strong their love is!... That is our advice... I also want to acknowledge the other Sisters in the Lord on here that see things in a different light then the Adam brethren... They bring balance to the board... Men love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it... Brother Glen and his wife Pam
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