Let's start with Mr. Webster's definition of marriage:
MAR'RIAGE, n. [L.mas, maris.] The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity,and for securing the maintenance and education of children.
There are two standards both civil and religious. Marriage exists between unbelievers, too. They are held to a civil standard. Marriage outside of the Christian context is a performance contract between two parties. When the contract is breached the union can be dissolved. Unbelievers cannot be expected to act like Christians in their marriage. They can have good, long-term relationships or ones that look like a train wreck moments after "I do."
Christians are called to honor governments established by God. Paul was commanded to honor a government that would eventually kill him. We know that the Christians, in their marriages, are held to both a godly standard and a civil standard.
For a Christian, a marriage is both legal contract and spiritual covenant. They are recognized as husband and wife within the context of their civil responsibility IE: taxes, insurances. It has been the accepted practice in this country - before she was a country - that folks would be considered married when they stood before clergy or magistrate and said their vows. The government's influence on Christian marriage is limited to the civil definition of marriage.
Christians, while upholding their civil responsibility, are called to a higher standard. Civil marriages can be dissolved for any variety of reasons. Here is what Jesus said about how godly people approach marriage:
Matthew 19:4-9 NAS77
4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE,
5 and said, 'FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE; AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'?
6 "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
7 They *said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?"
8 He *said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
Some notes for consideration:
- Marriage is between a man and a woman. Unbelievers fall for the lie of Satan and claim anyone can be married but that is a topic for another thread.
- When a godly man and a godly woman get married God blurs the distinction between the two. They are no longer two but one flesh. Unbelievers believe they are distinct individuals who are in a legal contract.
- Divorce is a result of the hardness of man's heart. Jesus clearly says that Moses allowed it but that it was not God's plan.
- Immorality - the exception. For the unbeliever, adultery is a breach of contract limited to the physical and emotional. For the Christian, immorality still affects the physical and emotional but more importantly it allows a third person to invade a spiritual bond wrought by God. It is a sin against God and a sin against their own bodies.
Here's the bottom line. Both the church and civil authorities - for hundreds of years on this side of the pond - expect folks to get a license and see a preacher, magistrate or a ship's captain, say their vows and listen to those words, "I now pronounce you husband and wife." to be considered married. For a Christian to claim they are married when they are not is a lie. For them to come up with a convoluted reason for not getting married like everyone else is arrogant and full of pride.
