Should I accept this invitation?

[Debby in Philly]

I have a coworker for whom I am team leader. I am not his "boss," but I do pass work to him and he sees me as a professional mentor, and on several occaisions has said that I am one of the reasons he stays, because he likes working "for" me. On that level, we get along fine.
He is also a homosexual who shares a house with his "partner." This partner's birthday is in the beginning of December, and my coworker has invited me and others to their house for a surprise birthday party. There will be plenty happening at the party - drinking, etc. - that I would not agree with, but if that were all, I would go and put up with it. But does attending this function voice an approval of their relationship and behavior? Should I go? It would be easy not to, since it is the Christmas season, and I will have plenty to do. What should I do?

 

[paulsfocus]

I believe it would "voice an approval" of that lifstyle.
The Bible says "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them" (Ephesians 5:11).

 

[dianetavegia]

I also wouldn't attend Debby and agree with Paulsfocus that it would seem you deem their relationship 'okay'.

Now to the liberals who will scream ... Jesus ate with sinners... YES, He did... but for the purpose of changing their lives and not in a worldly situation only.

Diane

 

[Debby in Philly]

I don't want to ruin our working relationship. And he and I have had discussions on spiritual matters before, but on basics, and with no mention of homosexuality. He is currently reading (I hope) the book Case for a Creator that I loaned him as an outgrowth of those discussions. So how do I bow out? It is possible I may actually have a conflict by the day of the party, since it is in December. Do I wait for that to happen, or do I bluntly come out with it?

 

[Lori]

I would just be honest, firm (if you have to), but very polite and let him know that his lifestyle is not something you agree with, but perhaps maybe he'd like to do another social thing (sans partner) another time.

If he is reading the book at all, it should hopefully mention the Christian belief regarding homosexuality. If you are honest with him he will respect you more than if you were to lie to him about not wanting to go, plus if he sees you lie it could damage the witnessing you are trying to do.

This is probably easier said than done in telling him no, but God will give you the courage.

azwyld
<*}}}><

 

[LorrieGrace]

Debby,

Just tell him that you would feel uncomfortable with the drinking and the behavior that results from such. You don't have to mention the homosexual aspect. My friends know that if they invite me anywhere and there will be drinking that I will not show up. It has actually become a joke with them but not in a bad way. People will respect you for standing behind what you believe in. It says in the Bible to avoid all appearances of evil, and from a personal perspective, no good can come out of a party that people will be drinking at.

I know God will lead you in the correct decision. He is good like that!

 

[Dr. Bob]

I'd be honest. If he were shacking up with a gal (unmarried) I would not put my stamp of approval on it.

I Cor 5 "I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.

But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat."

Seems cut and dried to me.

 

[Pastor J]

I had a similar situation with a co-worker. We work great together, but he knows that I do not agree with his life style and though he and I can work together, talk at work, I will not fellowship with him in his environment. He completely understood and we have a good team relationship

 

[Gina B]

Dr. Bob, I'm curious about that verse.
I know a number of people in homosexual relationships, and have not refused to have them over as company or to be in their homes to watch a movie, have dinner, babysit for them, normal things friends do.
Now that you pointed out that verse I'm confused. Wasn't Christ himself the one who not only didn't refuse them but went out of his way to fellowship with them and show himself as their friend?
I thought the verse you quoted referred to those in the church who turned their backs on it and refused to listen to you about the truth, which is why it says "if any man called a brother..." before it says that about being a fornicator or the other things.
I'm sincerely not arguing, I really need to have that explained. I've taken a lot of heat in the past for my friendships, and want to know if I really have been wrong in my approach.
Gina

 

[Debby in Philly]

On the other hand, as I pray for wisdom, all I can think of is Jesus inviting HIMSELF to Zacchaeus' house. Sin is sin, yes? And Zacchaeus was an extortioner of sorts. So often the unsaved will say that we talk about compassion and hating the sin and not the sinner, yet we don't show it in situations like this. That's when we get thought of as the "church lady" of tv fame. We get a kind of "respect," but we're not taken seriously, either.

 

[gb93433]

I'd go and get to know the people. Many times I have had opportunities to share my faith. I don't drink and if they don't know it they find out there.

Treat them with respect. You are invited because they want you to come. It may allow you to get to know other people in the community. Christians ought to be the best people in showing kindness and generosity they know.

Now if they do something immoral that is different. Then I would leave.

Just because you show up to an event does not mean you agree with their lifestyle. When I show up to church I am not saying I agree with everyone else's lifestyle.

Know of any pastors who have never lied?
Know of any deacons who have never lied?
Know of any Sunday School teachers who have never lied?

I don't even always approve of myself.

 

[joyfulkeeperathome]

If you decide not to go, I think it should be on the basis that you don't want to be around the alchohol, not because of his lifestyle. We hate the sin and love the sinner...this could be your opportunity to be the Bible to them.....

 

[KeithS]

Debby,

Just curious, do you know his partner? Seems odd to me that he would invite you to his partner's birthday party. For my wife I would invite mutual friends and her friends/co-workers (if she worked), not friends of mine that do not know her.

Does attending the party imply approval of their relationship? Of other lifestyle choices (alcohol, music, etc.)? Good questions for which I have no ready answer.

 

[williemakeit]

I wouldn't go. I do not go to any parties with alchohol, rock music, so on, so on. Of course, after 17 years on a back-sliding path, I avoid any association with the sin that drew me away.

It sounds like you are already doing exactly what God has commanded us to do in regards to the personal relationship to sinners. I personally would not add anything to it, and would continue to maintain the high standard that it seems you have chosen to live for yourself.

From the doubts that you have regarding attending, it seems as if the Holy Spirit may already be giving you the answer.

 

[AVL1984]

I believe going would seem to put a stamp of approval on the lifestyle of this person and could compromise your testimony to them. Jesus may have eaten with sinners, indeed, and so should we, but I believe there is a difference here. This is almost, as stated before, as if you would be putting a stamp of approval on their lifestyle.

 

[Johnv]

Debby, you can be polite without pointing the "righteous finger" at him. Kindly tell him that you're very flattered, and honored that he thinks highly of you to include you, and that you want to come, but that it would be violate your religions practices, and be hypocritical of you to attend. Tell him that you you're not condemning him or his private life, and you respect him as a person. Perhaps, you might want to say that, if the birthday party were at a restaurant or something like that, you wouldn't have a problem with attending. Tell him that you hope he doesn't think less of you, because you don't think less of him. If you two get along well, he'll likely understand, and respect you still.

As far as any concerns over alcohol being served at any function, simply don't drink, if you don't wish to. If other people are drinking, then let them, so long as no one abuses it. If, however, someone gets tipsy, then give your regards to the host of the party, and tell them you need to leave, because the drinking is getting a little out of hand.

 

[Marcia]

I think this is difficult to decide on -- I can see both sides.

As for 1 Cor 5, that is speaking specifically of those who proclaim to be Christian but are living an immoral lifestyle; it does not apply to unbelievers:

I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people-- not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

If this man claims to be a Christian (and many homosexuals do), then it's clear you cannot attend the party.

If, however, his not claiming to be a Christian (and from what you said, it seems that is the case), then it has to be how you feel in your conscience about it. If the HS is convicting you not to go, or if you feel he or others will think you approve of his lifestyle by going, then you should not go.

If, however, you feel that it's more of a business thing to go and you are okay with it, then go. Just don't stay around if things happen that you find offensive to Christ.

 

[SaggyWoman]

Statement 1.

Jesus ate with publicans and sinners.

 

[LorrieGrace]

Usually, if I am seeking advice it is because I am being convicted by the Holy Spirit. Most times I go with my gut reaction. The Holy Spirit has NEVER been wrong!!!! The times I don't, I regret it, big time!!!!

Let us know what you decide.

 

[SaggyWoman]

Statement #2--

Debby already said that the drinking would not necessarily be an issue for her. So why lie?