Standards for dating?

Although at times it might frustrate
They keep a chaperone and don’t come home late

Sorry

 

They won’t let others intimidate
Cause they wanna stand tall when they come to the Gate
Because although of temptation they didn’t participate
In an impure marriage, ain’t that great!

 

Once more and I'm done with idle time,


C hristian singles only date,

H EY, they wait to marry and consummate

R ough at times it might frustrate

I n keeping a chaperone and not coming home late

S urely your confused and will intimidate

T o keep us from standing tall when we come to the Gate

I n faith, although of temptation we don’t participate

A fter an impure marriage, and that makes it great!

N ow if you don’t understand that your mind is reprobate!

 

chickenlady

I just want to encourage you chickenlady to be an example to other women. I am speaking with regards to the understanding you have been given about "every man's battle." I can speak with much authority that it is very hard for men these days to even walk down the street. Or go in the video shop. Or turn on the television. And sadly, in many congregations, even going to church is a battle - because of the way many women have chosen to dress; and also because the shepherds of that church have not taken a stand against this great evil that has filled many of today's churches.

God is the only one that can change a godly man to not do the things a godly man hates doing against his Lord or his wife (or person he hopes to marry). The wife (or person who may be the man's future wife) helping the man to get back up if his eyes have wandered, or if he has done other things is a picture of Christ. It must hurt the woman very much to hear of the man's falls he has had into temptation against her (and their Lord.) She is a picture of Christ by forgiving her husband.
I know from a close friend's testimony that a wife that helps her man deal with the sin after hearing him confess to her. Helps the man to be free from falling into his weakness much faster than the woman who does not seek to understand his problem.
The man should in no way use his problem as an excuse to practise it. The true man of God will hate his sin, and can say with David; Psa 119:5 O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes! And with Paul; Rom 7:22 For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: Rom 7:23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. Rom 7:24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? The godly woman will comfort her husband, by asking God for grace to comfort and support her husband when he has fallen into sin (1 Thess 5:14). God will hear her prayer (1 John 5:14,15).

 

For anyone to do who hates sin, and is struggling in areas; Beg God very much when the temptation gets strong not to give in to it, until you receive help (and run like Joseph did out of circumstances that are dangerous for the Christian - if it is possible). And ask God to wean you from it every day. We will have these sinful bodies till the day we are ressurrected and our bodies are changed. But it is possible to master sins (no longer be a servant to them; 1Pe 4:1 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;
1Pe 4:2 That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.)

It is not wise to say, "I will never do that sin again." It is God who stops us from sinning. It is God who makes us realise that we can do nothing of ourselves; praise be unto Him. Therefore, pray for God to help us when temptation is strong, and pray to God to make us cease from sin; 1Jo 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
1Jo 5:15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.
It may take years to cease from certain sins. Everybody has a different past. We must remember that; a sin is a sin. And we all struggle at different levels against different sins. Let us be a help to a struggling brother or sister. Not a hindrance to them.

And...Heb 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Heb 12:3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
Heb 12:4 Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.

your brother in Christ, Micah.

 

If a person is considering a marriage partner, there are many private issues they need to discuss without the eavesdropping of others. One has to learn to trust themselves. If one cannot, they have more serious issues than temptation. Courtship is a time to get to know one another.

 

Magnetic Poles

One has to learn to trust themselves.

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It is written not to trust in ourselves; 2Co 1:8 For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life: 2Co 1:9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead: 2Co 1:10 Who delivered us from so great a death, and doth deliver: in whom we trust that he will yet deliver us;

Yes, there is the fruit of temperance (self control) Galatians 5:23. But this is of itself a fruit of God, not of ourselves.

If somebody is a child of God (John 1:12). They have the potential of being free from practising sins such as masturbating, looking at pornography, eyes looking at the opposite sex lustfully etc.

I have a friend who was a male prostitute. He lost virginity very young, and grew up with his father watching pornographic movies in front of him. Such a deeply rooted sin takes longer to be free from being attacked by in different ways.

I grew up in a Christian home. Went to drugs for 6 years and ended up in a mental hospital 3 times. God has healed me and the unsaved Dr I saw recognises my being off medication as a "phenomonen." I suffered hallucinations and delusions if off medication because of the severe amount and choice of drugs and alcohol that went into my body. God's grace upon me for His glory has been shouted mightily to all who knew me before God began His work in me.
And to remind me that it is only His grace (and mercy) that still holds back Satan's grip upon my sanity; I have experienced in 2 seperate times (for a number of hours each time) the horror and fear that captivates a man or woman who has been subject to what the world calls "mental illness." And in remembrance of these two reminders of God's power and grace I praise God still; (2Co 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2Co 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.) When these two times happened I was in great fear. I enquired of the Lord about what was happening. And my answer is clear; I would be insane still, if God's hand were not on me. It is His decision to remove His hand from off me when He wills. And I am glad he did those two times, because it reminds me it is nothing I have done that keeps me sane. When one comes to an acknowledgement that it is God who has helped them. A great peace is with that person. A greater trust is also given to that person throughout their trial or trials and in turn gives that Christian a greater dependance upon their LORD. (and sin begins losing strength.)

It is God who moulds us in such a way that we learn in our hearts that God is our only trust. That we are weak and He is strong. Praise be unto Him.

I am sure many can relate to what I am about to write "The more we fail God the more we hate our sin. The more mercy he gives us the more we hate our sin, and the more lovilier we see our Lord." Oh isn't He sweet!

If we ask God to help us to be free from areas of sin we are weak in, as Paul, I too am confident for that person....Phi 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:

Something to think about; There are many other sins in the Bible we need help to be free from too, some are Rom 1:29...wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Rom 1:30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Rom 1:31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

I believe many Christians especially today have a lack of understanding of what Jesus commands in the gospel of Matthew; Mat 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

If you would like a free 5 page study sent to you about "The Word Perfect", by Graham Sly; please feel free to email me.

Brother Micah.

PS. Is anyone would like advice about mental illness for theirselves or a loved one, feel free to email me about this as well.

 

Hiya, brother Mic! Wonderful testimony! I call my depression "the black dogs". Haven't seen 'em lately, but they are lurking somewhere out there, I'm sure, lol. My sweet mama fought mental illness most all her life. They had her heavily medicated, (I gradually got her off), but the damage was already done. She had lived with me a long time when she died.

 

Hi ya Granny Gumbo (didn't expect to hear from you here; lol).

It is not good for someone to say "have faith in God - don't take your medication." I tried this many times, and failed. I have a wonderful man who God has led me to, to instruct me in His ways. And he told me to get off medication when the Dr says to. The Dr said a few months prior to me bing on a trial without it (with his permission) that it would be five years before I even should think about being off medication. And that I may not because I was on it so long. A few months later he knowingly contradicted his statement by allowing me to be on a trial without it.
We must remember that the hymn writer William Cowper still battled with bouts of his illness throughout his walk with Christ. There is a reason somtimes for our continual sufferings. John Calvin also continued to suffer from his many diseases. Fanny Crosby was glad she was blind; and it has been said, that she could see more than many Christians can who have their sight.
I was brought up in the Pentecostal/charasmatic churches (my father being a preacher); where I went back to after being in alcoholics anonymous for a time and narcotics anonymous. And it was not until I was under sound teaching (which is not found in Pentecostal/Apostolic/Charasmatic churches) that my healing began to accelerate.

PS. The only limit we put on God is the one we put on ourselves; read the Authorised version Bible (1611) as much as you can. Sing hymns. Pray. watch Christians television. Walk and talk with God in places where it is just you and Him. Ask God to guide you into all truth. Ask Him to prevent you from twisting the sacriptures to your own destruction. Find verses in the Bible and pray them to Him. Ask Him to increase your hunger and thirst to learn more about Him more. Ask Him to make you love Him more. Pray verses such as Phillipians 1:9-11 and Romans 12:1,2 and 12:9-21 for yourself and others. Ask Him to help you to be able to do the commandments Jesus said to do on the sermon on the mount.
There is so much I did not know about God even though I was brought up in a Christian home. The BIBLE is simple (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). Read it as it is. And ask God to be able to do it.

1Jo 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:
1Jo 5:15 And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

Ecc 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Psa 119:5 O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes!
Psa 119:6 Then shall I not be ashamed, when I have respect unto all thy commandments.

 

PS.

I REALISE I HAVE MOVED ON FROM THE TOPIC SPOKEN ABOUT; "Standards for dating."

 

Chickenlady

You have been given some wise advice. And you have received some that is not so wise.

Remember that each person is an individual. This makes the temptations that we face and the sin that defeats us different.

One question: If physical contact usually leads a man into sin(*) and emotional contact leads a woman to sin(**), then why are we quick to allow emotional contact, but we are quick to disaprove of physical contact when we set "godly" standards for dating?

You actually mentioned my personal standard - a willingness to submit to God in marriage.

God bless

Wayne
PS While all men that are not called to become eunuchs fight desire, most do not fight it as much as described in the book Every man's battle.

(*) Every man's battle
(**) Every woman's battle

 

Chickenlady,

I will probably disagree with several in this thread. I believe that you should be old enough and spiritually mature enough to do what is right without a chaperone. I am in a bit of an awkward situation, because I am currently a pastor yet I am dating a lady. I am 26 and she is a bit younger (it is not polite to give a lady's age). Who am I going to have chaperone my dates? My church members? If you are a Christian who desires to do what is right, you should have developed enough self-control in the process to be trusted. If you cannot be trusted, you have deeper problems than just dating. Oh, and just so you know, I have folks who laugh at me for how strict I am in dating. I have been dating this lady for 6 months, and we have yet to even hold hands.

 

El_Guero

Chickenlady

You have been given some wise advice. And you have received some that is not so wise.

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If it is I who you are referring to when you quote; "And you have received some that is not so wise." Please write what you disagree with, I am willing to learn also; It is written; Jam 5:19 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; Jam 5:20 Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins. And (James 3:1).

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For the record; the trust I have been focusing on in what I have been writing about - is the trust that God is the only one who can change a man's or woman's heart.

With regards to having a person to chaperone one in the car. No matter how strong we think we are, it is safer for one to not be alone with their boyfriend or girlfriend somewhere where something may happen; Double dating is a great option when in a car, or in places where the chemicals in a man and woman may lead them to do something they will regret.

 

If I hated sin,

I would not be in a place where chemicals would enter my body ... And yes, this time I responded to your post ...

Then again, I do hate sin, and I also fail

 

Brother Wayne,

If a Christian has spoken without wisdom (Proverbs 3:5,6); it is loving to say "Brother or sister. The Bible says that what you are doing is against God." (Proverbs 27:5; Proverbs 9:8,9).

Thank you for your response.

PS. Before I was saved I did not hate sin.

 

You must have me confused with someone else. I may have had a milestone Birthday this week, but lets just say I am barely an adult by the standards of many cultures.

I just tend to agree more with guys like Fundamental Dan in his post. Behavioral regimen does not make one spiritual, developing a heart for God, and learning self control will protect you much more than some "personal standards" about riding in cars with boys.

Start pleasing God, stop pleasing yourself, make all your decisions based on those two, and you should be ok, even if you are unchaperoned on a date.

Me and my wife date without a chaperone (and without the little ones) as often as possible. Not enough!

 

Man I here you there- I whish my wife and I could get out a whole lot more and leave the kids behind. I agree with the rest of your post too.

We find that in many areas fundamentalists have gotten away from genuine heart change, to outward conformity. Sad.

 

What a profound statement. I find that as well, and it frankly disturbs me. I know it is not just fundamentalists, but it should not be amongst the ranks of fundamentalists at all. An oft-quoted verse states, "Man looketh on the outward appearance, but God seeth the heart." That should scare us.