Standards for dating?

so John how do you read Paul saying to stay above reproach? who does that apply to?

 

Hey John, I concur, my wife and I have been married for over 35 years, we holds hands when walking, we hug and occasionaly kiss in public, just a light peck.

 

??

 

buckster,

it applies to everyone! If I read your post right, then the man you described needs to have some serious investigation done on his actions.

I say that only because he has been placed in a deacon position in your church, and thus he is in leadership there. Be very careful to not carry false tales, and indulge in gossip over this. Id go straight to this man and ask him if this is true.

If he denies it, then he may need to seriously reconsider some of his actions and how they are looking to others.

If he affirms it, I'd go to my pastor and bring a complaint against him that he is no longer qualified to be in the position of deacon.

 

Bapmom,

I agree, yet I might modify the tactic a little.

Talk with the grandson ... the grandfather deserves to know if his own grandson is indeed spreading gosip.

But, if it is not gosip. Church him!

 

El Guero,

I must admit, I did not go back and read his very first post, so your wiser head Im sure should prevail.

 

there is no doubt by anyone in the entire town that opportunity to do just as the grandson implies is there. by the late nite, all day, alone visitations. this is the entire point. does it matter if anything is going on. Above reproach, I thought, means that even the question can not be formulated against the person.

 

MOM

I do not know about wiser ... Hard Headed ...

Actually, the scenario does not sound like the grandson would be lying (why would someone include him in it - easier to just gosip), but I have been gossiped about. Therefore, I would want to be able to confront the accuser (I was denied that once - it is impossible to defend against a moving and unseen attacker).

;o)

God Bless

 

??

 

Yes buckster, I don't think it matters if nothing is really going on. His age is not a consideration, except that by now he ought to know better.

God does say to "abstain from all appearance of evil."

Also, if the whole town knows about it than it is imperative that this be taken care of soon. Go and ask the appropriate people about it.

 

Buckster75, IMHO, you should stay out of this situation.

This sounds like a lot of gossip to me.

Has anyone considered that the grandson is over-reacting?

There is a great generation gap here.

I think that age is a consideration. These are 70 year olds who probably want companionship and they certainly do not need chaperones.

 

Thankful,

they do if they are indulging in an appearance of evil. Why are 70 year olds allowed to do things that would be inappropriate for a 30 year old to do?

If I were a widow I certainly shouldn't get away with spending my private time in another man's home with no one else aroundg.

But then, to avoid gossip, this is why I suggested he go and ask the gentleman being accused. ESPECIALLY because this gentleman is a deacon in his church.

 

In my previous post, there's no issue of compromising this. What's compromised, however, is peoples' ability to gossip about it. It seems that the biggest issue in regards to adult dating is not the two involved, but the multitudes who enjoy dirty laundry at the expense of other people. As soon as any two random people start dating, the "s" word gets brought up by some gossiper somewhere.

 

buckster75,

I think perhaps it should be above any "reasonable" reproach. I mean, as JohnV said, two people walking in the public park together can be gossiped about, especially if they are a dating couple.

Its a different matter to GIVE people something to gossip about by putting yourself into a situation that looks compromising, even if you know you aren't doing anything actually wrong, per se.

 

I can't believe that if two adults of the opposite sex were walking in a park together and you knew one or both of them. That would be cause for gossip. Believe me if they are going to gossip about that they will do it even if they saw them in church.

I really can't get over how Christians need to mind their own business, unless they know otherwise. Too many Baptist cops walking around I'd say. The Bible does say " to abstain from all appearances of evil " That would fit more in the catagory of a married person being seen with someone of the opposite sex by themselves somewhere. Not in the case of two people dating.

 

RFW,

the POINT of my saying they COULD be gossipped about because of walking in a public park was EXACTLY what you said....that walking in a park together is NOT an appearance of evil.

Hanging out together alone in a house until all hours of the night IS an appearance of evil.

 

It happens all the time. Recently, I was seen by a "nosey" church member "having dinner with another woman", who proceeded to let my wife know. The other woman was my sister-in-law, and my wife was well aware of my whereabouts.

Yet that person still thinks that I violated scripture's call to "abstain from all appearance of evil", although the apperance here was limited strictly to the vain imaginations (also forbidden by scripture) of the individual.

I think it's safe to imply that the "appearance of evil" verse applies to the being the appearance of evil to the reasonable person. A person with an unreasonable mindset will see sin in the most benign situations.

 

I agree JohnV, and at least she actually went to your wife. Hopefully she didn't go around talking to everyone else. You can say that much for her, she took her concern to the appropriate person.

My pastor's wife sits next to her brother during church services, and every once in awhile Ive wondered how many people are out there worrying about her.

lol

Like you said, reasonable

 

I disagree that this woman should have gone to JohnV's wife. It was none of her business. She was trying to cause trouble.

Worrying about something and talking to others about it is very different. Talking becomes gossip.

In my opinion, there is no way that a person can live his/her life so that no one will gossip.

We are responsible for our actions.

By these standards, no one could ever possibly date another person at any age in order to be married without gossip.

 

Perhaps, I am mistaken, but I thought at one time someone here on the board took the "abstain from all appearance of evil" back to the original meaning and it actually says to abstain from all FORMS of evil.

I think it is impossible to abstain from the "appearance" of evil as there will be so many definitons of what is evil depending on the subjective view of the viewer.

I agree with Thankful--"there is no way that a person can live his/her life so that no one will gossip."