Standards for dating?

[chickenlady]

Just wasn't sure. I want to be careful people! lol. I guess it's better to be overly cautious, or atleast that's what I'm trying to do. It sure is hard!

Thanks

And I can't WAIT for that hug. lol

 

[paidagogos]

Originally posted by chickenlady:
Just wasn't sure. I want to be careful people! lol. I guess it's better to be overly cautious, or atleast that's what I'm trying to do. It sure is hard!

Thanks

And I can't WAIT for that hug. lol

No, there's probably nothing sinful or innately wrong with this one hug with others present. There are a few questions that you should resolve in your own mind.
1. Is it of faith? You seem to possess a few doubts in your own mind. If you are doubtful, then it is sinful. The Scriptures clearly teach that whatsoever is not of faith is sin. It is the attitude that I'm going to do and justify what I want to do regardless whether it pleases God or not. This is a sinful attitude.
2. Will this one incidence become the basis for rationalizations and further intimacy? If one hug is okay, what about another and another and another, etc.?
3. Will this boyfriend become your future husband? You really don't know. Recently, I know of several college couples who broke up shortly before their wedding date. Admittedly, most couples, even Christian ones, cannot say to their spouse: "You are the only one I have given my kisses and hugs" but, IMHO, it is an ideal worth pursuing. To save hugs and kisses, not just the sexual favors, until marriage is to bring a special intimacy to the marriage that is too often lacking in Christian matrimony. The special shared intimacy of the marital relationship is diluted by too much intimacy with others before marriage. Do you want to say to your husband, "Honey, I've never kissed or hugged another man"? It's up to you.

BTW, I suggest you be discerning and consider the some of advice as worth what it cost--nothing.

 

[dianetavegia]

Hug him! I hug people all the time but then I think our church has a disclaimer that says if you don't like to be hugged, find another church.

 

[Thankful]

If you are doubtful, then it is sinful.

Hmmmmnn Then if there is no doubt and a feeling of peace, then it isn't sin?

 

[paidagogos]

Originally posted by Thankful:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />If you are doubtful, then it is sinful.

Hmmmmnn Then if there is no doubt and a feeling of peace, then it isn't sin? </font>[/QUOTE]A contrapositive of a true statement is not always true. Remember your logic?

 

[paidagogos]

Originally posted by dianetavegia:
Hug him! I hug people all the time but then I think our church has a disclaimer that says if you don't like to be hugged, find another church.

What about kissing then? The Bible says to greet one another with a holy kiss, doesn't it? Would you kiss on the cheek or lips?

I may be old-fashioned but I just don't allow other men to go around huggin my wife. And I don't hug their wives either. Without referring to your church in particular, I do know of huggy-feely type churches that have an unusual high rate of divorce and immorality. Do you think there could be a causal connection? Nothing scientific, but it does seem to follow a pattern.

I am a little too skeptical of sinful human nature to be comfortable with this.

 

[Thankful]

Originally posted by paidagogos:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Thankful:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />If you are doubtful, then it is sinful.

Hmmmmnn Then if there is no doubt and a feeling of peace, then it isn't sin? </font>[/QUOTE]A contrapositive of a true statement is not always true. Remember your logic? </font>[/QUOTE]Just making a point. I have been told several times on this board that I can't trust my feelings. One of my motto's has been and continues to be "When in doubt, don't" This has worked for me for many years.

For once, we agree and also we agree about the hugging. I am uncomfortable hugging the opposite sex, even when someone tries to tell me it is a "Christian Hug" I don't go as far as to say my husband doesn't allow it nor does he not hug other women. It really depends on the circumstances.

 

[I hate sin]

quote:
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My daughter says every Christian single should read this book about letting God pick your mate.
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There is no logical reason to think God picks our mates.


Here is a scripture that tells us of God's interest towards mankind with regards to marriage;

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

 

[superdave]

I don't care how wonderful a guy is, how christian he is you get him alone with a woman and hormones take over. The girl, woman has to be firm. Set your standards, guidlines whatever you want to call them. If he loves you he will abide. If he doesn't want to kick him to the curb.

Yep, and women are paragons of virtue if they didn't have that evil man around. we all know that, but it seems it was a little different back there in the garden, uh-huh (Quote from a good male chauvenist preacher I heard a while back in case you think I really believe that)

I apologize for the sarcasm, but this was about the most ridiculous hasty generalization I have ever heard. I say about, because here on the BB we have seen some doozies.

I kissed Joshua Harris's book goodbye, both of them, there was some good advice in there, surrounded by a large amount of pietistic naive behavioristic fluff that was in there just to fill up the book so it could be published. Far from helpful. The book he wrote with his wife after they got married was nearly as bad.

Dating/Courtship is really all about who the participants are trying to please. Its not a cut and dried, "This method works better" situation. It is an individual matter that should be entered into soberly, and with high parental involvement if possible, and with the proper goals in mind. Your date should not have to worry about the circumstances as to whether they trust you or not, all the boundaries and protection in the world cannot prevent you from sinning, in fact, I think God pretty often allows our behaviouristic man centered methods to fail in order to point us to the only way to avoid sin, to be wholly devoted to God. Its much easier to just say "don't ride in a car with a boy" than to teach your kids actual spiritual living.

 

[paidagogos]

Originally posted by superdave:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />I don't care how wonderful a guy is, how christian he is you get him alone with a woman and hormones take over. The girl, woman has to be firm. Set your standards, guidlines whatever you want to call them. If he loves you he will abide. If he doesn't want to kick him to the curb.

Yep, and women are paragons of virtue if they didn't have that evil man around. we all know that, but it seems it was a little different back there in the garden, uh-huh (Quote from a good male chauvenist preacher I heard a while back in case you think I really believe that)

I apologize for the sarcasm, but this was about the most ridiculous hasty generalization I have ever heard. I say about, because here on the BB we have seen some doozies.

I kissed Joshua Harris's book goodbye, both of them, there was some good advice in there, surrounded by a large amount of pietistic naive behavioristic fluff that was in there just to fill up the book so it could be published. Far from helpful. The book he wrote with his wife after they got married was nearly as bad.

Dating/Courtship is really all about who the participants are trying to please. Its not a cut and dried, "This method works better" situation. It is an individual matter that should be entered into soberly, and with high parental involvement if possible, and with the proper goals in mind. Your date should not have to worry about the circumstances as to whether they trust you or not, all the boundaries and protection in the world cannot prevent you from sinning, in fact, I think God pretty often allows our behaviouristic man centered methods to fail in order to point us to the only way to avoid sin, to be wholly devoted to God. Its much easier to just say "don't ride in a car with a boy" than to teach your kids actual spiritual living. </font>[/QUOTE]Perhaps you are too old and your hormones have quit working!

It's different with teenagers and Josh Harris's book ain't bad advice. Of course, if you don't like it and it cramps your style, call it legalistic and trash it. Sometimes it may be good to read sometime that irritates us. It gets the blood flowing to the brain and stimulates the inactive synapses.

 

[Alcott]

Originally posted by I hate sin:
Here is a scripture that tells us of God's interest towards mankind with regards to marriage;

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:22-- He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

Evidently it's only the prudent kind that come from the LORD.

Since Bathsheba did become Davis's wife (as one of several), did God give her to him-- and thus take her away from Uriah-- or was it David's own actions?

 

[paidagogos]

Originally posted by Alcott:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by I hate sin:
Here is a scripture that tells us of God's interest towards mankind with regards to marriage;

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:22-- He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

Evidently it's only the prudent kind that come from the LORD.

Since Bathsheba did become Davis's wife (as one of several), did God give her to him-- and thus take her away from Uriah-- or was it David's own actions? </font>[/QUOTE]What about Gomer who was a harlot?

 

[chickenlady]

I actually got that Josh Harris's book and read the first chapter and realized it wouldn't help me. I'm 24, and it seems to be aimed at a teenager that just wants to date for fun, and the book helps choose the right mate. This is totally not my situation. I never dated before this relationship, nor did I care to since I planned to only date until I met somebody that fit into my Christian ideals that I had previously set for myself.

 

[paidagogos]

Originally posted by chickenlady:
I actually got that Josh Harris's book and read the first chapter and realized it wouldn't help me. I'm 24, and it seems to be aimed at a teenager that just wants to date for fun, and the book helps choose the right mate. This is totally not my situation. I never dated before this relationship, nor did I care to since I planned to only date until I met somebody that fit into my Christian ideals that I had previously set for myself.

Hold to your standards. Everyone doesn't have to read Harris. He was not inspired by God to write the book. I thought it might give you ideas and encourage you.

Walk with God and His Holy Spirit will guide you through His Word. Read, pray and obey.Best wishes.

 

[I hate sin]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Alcott:

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by I hate sin:
Here is a scripture that tells us of God's interest towards mankind with regards to marriage;

Proverbs 19:14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Proverbs 18:22-- He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.

Evidently it's only the prudent kind that come from the LORD.

Since Bathsheba did become Davis's wife (as one of several), did God give her to him-- and thus take her away from Uriah-- or was it David's own actions?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What about Gomer who was a harlot?

Thankyou Alcott for your reply;

I do know that God did not cause David to sin. And had David not sinned in the way that he had, it may have been that Bathsheba had never become David’s wife. But isn’t it wonderful, not only in David’s life (who is declared a man after God’s own heart in Acts 13:22) but in our own lives that; Rom 8:28 ...all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I would just like to add that I in no way believe we must sin on account of the above testimony (1 John 2:1). David pleads with God in Psalm 51; And though david was forgiven, God would have us remember in the Gospel of Matthew that Bathsheba was the wife of Uriah; Mat 1:6 And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias;

As David had to make his choices day by day. We too must make our own. The prudent wife (and there are wonderful examples I think especially in the Old Testament - Romans 15:4) must make choices in order to become prudent (John 15:4,5; Psalm 1:1-3). I agree with the scripture you have given (Prov 18:22), and at the same time, believe that a prudent wife is a gift of God.

 

[Pete Richert]

Ah, forget it.

 

[bruren777]

I know of a pastor of another church who will not have a female secretary in the church office, the only female who works in the office is his wife on a part time basis.

I know of Christian men who will not allow themselves to be alone with another female except for their wife. I will not allow myself to be alone with another woman.

 

[yeshua4me2]

my wife says i can only date her

i didn't have the privilege of being a christian when my wife and i were dating. i can speak from experiance, we had lots of baggage with in the relationship. and no morals, what God says is true, wait, and date only your own faith. i was a pagan and my wife was a "backslidden" (i really hate that term, but what else to call it) christian, and married me. our first four years were "bloody", and we caused alot of emotional damage to eachother. but the Lord has a plan, and i got saved. he did not heal our marriage miraculously though, he left that to us (as if we could take the credit), and thanks to very hard work that no mariied couple should have to do.


trust me follow God's principles and wait to consumate, and christians only date.
(wow, i made that up just now, on accident) ha it rhymes,

and i can tell you that there are many consequences in marriage for fornication.

thankyou and God Bless

 

[chickenlady]

Here's an excellent book everybody should read: "Every Man's Battle"

It doesn't use the King James, but I followed with my king James. I never realized the reality of the struggle EVERY man has with lust (oh believe me, women have it too, it's just a little harder on guys since alot there's alot more temptation out there). Godly men in the church have issues!! The other day I was shaking a deacon's hand and his eyes went to my..ahem.... After reading this book I look to see where men look, and it's really bad to the point where some of them don't even notice they do it!

I just had to throw that in there, cause this book changed my life, and now I know how to encourage my boyfriend, pray for him and he was so flattered I read that book that he told me he wants to be the man of my dreams. Amen brother!!!!

Here's to purity.

PS: another good book for those who want to revive their marriage - ("every man's marriage")

 

[Benjamin]

I’m working on your poem a little here.

Christian singles only date
They wait to marry and consummate.