Mr. Blacque Byrd, Esq.
Tear 'Em Down, Slap 'Em Up Builders
Wesson, Mississippi
Sir:
We are happy to inform you that your revised plans for Blackbird's Bass Boutique have been approved, with a few modifications:
1. To fit the zoning restrictions, the boutique must limit retail sales to no more than 25 percent of the establishment's total business. Because most fishermen talk more about fishing than actually do it, this should pose no difficulty.
2. The Browning Automatic Rifle, sad to say, must be left under lock and key. While the proposed "Possum Shoot" booth sounds like fun, it cannot be allowed within the city limits.
3. No live bait. Period. However, a variance could be arranged if you would call it a sushi bar. Just a suggestion.
4. Fishing tackle must be kept well away from the food section. Too many opportunities for mischief. As you know, the board has a number of folks who will swallow anything hook, line and sinker.
5. While we understand the need for security in this day and age, a razor wire partition between the Boutique and the Vive Paris Salon Magnifique next door cannot be allowed. However, zoning laws do allow such a boundary from the Calvinism-Arminianism Cafe, should you think that appropriate.
6. The 51-inch TV for continuous viewing of Benny Hinn videos does not fit within your zoning requirements. Sorry.
Again, feel free to contact us with any further questions. We are readily available most mornings, except during full moons, odd-numbered days and days derived from Norse mythology.
Les Hassel,
Deputy assistant under-director of Public Works and Idleness
Downtown on the Web
P.S. We are still reviewing the submitted plans for Dove's Holey Wear. We are unsure whether this is for liturgical vestments or second-hand clothing. Please respond. The answer is of parament importance.