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The reason for dating

Salty

Salty

20,000 Posts Club
Administrator
There is a discussion going on entitled "Religious Rift". A Christian man wants to marry an atheist.

My last post I said "Every Date is a Potential Date"

So here is my question - what is the main purpose of dating?

Is is solely for finding a mate? Is it to learn about a person? Is it sometimes just to have a companion?
Do we date someone so we do not go to an event alone?
What are other reasons for dating?
Is there a difference between a teen, young adult (21-27) middle adult (28-44) and seniors dating?

To what extreme should we take the thot "Every Date is a Potential Date"
 
A

annsni

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
As I said in the other thread, I agree with you. I have taught my daughters that even on just a first date, if there is anything that they don't think they could live with for the rest of their lives, it's not worth even that date. If they are dating someone and find something that they cannot live with for the rest of their lives, it's time to end the relationship.

I have seen that what we tolerate as "Well, we're just dating - not getting married or anything so I'll put up with this behavior" becomes something normal to us and we just may end up living with that behavior forever.

My girls are 19 and 21 and thus we're in the throws of it. My 19 year old is adorable and sweet and has many boys looking to date her and so far, only one did and it did not turn out well. She sees the wisdom in what we've taught her and she's being extra careful about anyone else she dates in the future. She learned that even dating a believer might not be a guaranteed good thing. She now has one boy interested in her who is very needy and so much more a girl that I am. LOL - He pouts easily, is easily offended and just overall way too emotional (in a bad way). Nicole and I have talked about it and while he's a nice boy, there's no way in this world she could put up with that for a marriage - so why date him? She is staying friends with him but that's it. She knows what she wants and that's not it. Now, if she decided to date him, going through all of that stuff would become normal to her and in the next relationship, she just may find more stuff that is intolerable that she tolerates. Nope - better to hold out for God's best. :)

So, the purpose of dating? To find a spouse. Now, taking someone to an event is not a "date" in my book unless there are feelings there and it continues as a relationship. I've done things with friends who were boys when I was unmarried and there was never a "date" but just a time to go somewhere together as friends.
 
F

freeatlast

New Member
Dating should be limited to the purpose of seeking a mate. If the person is not serious about getting married, and I don't mean 5 or even 2 years down the road, then they should not date.
Even then dates should be limited to learning about each other to see if their interests, religious beliefs and life goals are compatible. It should never be used as a time to see how good the other one is as a lover, not even kissing as kissing is the beginning of the sexual expression.
 
J

Jim1999

<img src =/Jim1999.jpg>
When I was a single pastor, I dated young ladies.....for companionship. I had no intentions of marriage at the time. One time, I took a young sixteen year old girl, with parent's permission, to see Handel's messiah. She often played the piano at the church, and I thought she would like Messiah. Sorry, I see nothing wrong with that at all.

Cheers,

Jim
 
G

Gina B

Active Member
The purpose of dating is to look for that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Unless you're looking for marriage, there's no reason.
I let one daughter talk me out of that thought, I was proven right, we're back to no dating.
If you're not mature enough for marriage, you're not mature enough to date.
If you're not looking for marriage, there's no purpose to date.

I've heard the argument "well, I need to know what kind of guy or girl I like and to learn how to make a relationship work."

That's a load of baloney. Males and females are all human and if you can't figure out how to get along with humans, you certainly aren't ready to start looking at marriage.

What kind of guy or girl you like? How about human, Christian, and a few other qualities you enjoy in others? That can be figured out with a pen and paper and a little bit of thought.
Getting to know the other person? Yep, good idea, but not if they don't already possess the minimal qualities of who you are looking for, and that can be figured out without dating.

The fact that kids are even interested in spending their time dating rather than focusing on their schooling, goals, and how they'll survive as adults is proof that teens are too young to date. Further proof of that immaturity is shown by schools with nurseries for the kids of the kids and the STD rate among teens.

Yet everyone's parents all say their kid is different. THEIR kid is mature. THEIR kid can handle it. THEIR kid can do it all. Next thing you know, THEIR kid is a parent, has no job, and is struggling to make passing grades.

So yes. The purpose of dating is to find a life partner. Anything else is not only pointless, it's playing with fire.
 
F

freeatlast

New Member
Gina B said:
The purpose of dating is to look for that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Unless you're looking for marriage, there's no reason.
I let one daughter talk me out of that thought, I was proven right, we're back to no dating.
If you're not mature enough for marriage, you're not mature enough to date.
If you're not looking for marriage, there's no purpose to date.

I've heard the argument "well, I need to know what kind of guy or girl I like and to learn how to make a relationship work."

That's a load of baloney. Males and females are all human and if you can't figure out how to get along with humans, you certainly aren't ready to start looking at marriage.

What kind of guy or girl you like? How about human, Christian, and a few other qualities you enjoy in others? That can be figured out with a pen and paper and a little bit of thought.
Getting to know the other person? Yep, good idea, but not if they don't already possess the minimal qualities of who you are looking for, and that can be figured out without dating.

The fact that kids are even interested in spending their time dating rather than focusing on their schooling, goals, and how they'll survive as adults is proof that teens are too young to date. Further proof of that immaturity is shown by schools with nurseries for the kids of the kids and the STD rate among teens.

Yet everyone's parents all say their kid is different. THEIR kid is mature. THEIR kid can handle it. THEIR kid can do it all. Next thing you know, THEIR kid is a parent, has no job, and is struggling to make passing grades.

So yes. The purpose of dating is to find a life partner. Anything else is not only pointless, it's playing with fire.
Click to expand...

:thumbs::thumbs::thumbs:
 
J

Jim1999

<img src =/Jim1999.jpg>
If you seriously believe that dating is only related to the prospects of marriage, and sexual promiscuity, I think your own mind needs some cleansing. There is nothing wrong with dating.

Get a life!

Cheers,

Jim
 
F

freeatlast

New Member
Jim1999 said:
If you seriously believe that dating is only related to the prospects of marriage, and sexual promiscuity, I think your own mind needs some cleansing. There is nothing wrong with dating.

Get a life!

Cheers,

Jim
Click to expand...

Jim that is the very reason that dating is an issue and should be limited to seeking a mate and even then it should be used very carefully keeping our hands off one another until the wedding day as even a kiss can flame the fires of our passions. Where we go, what we do, and how we interact with each other are all things to be considered when we date while seeking a mate.
The truth is our minds ARE tainted and the draw and even need for intimate physical relationships is a deep and burning need in most people (99%) young and old. It is the very few who have the gift of celibacy and in those there is no need to date as it would only tend to cloud their efforts to serve the Master.

It is a foolish man or woman of any age who thinks that they can thrust themselves into the ravage arms of dating and not increase the possibility of falling to the sin of the flesh that is the result of our natural passions. Do some escape the temptations that come with dating even though they play with the fire, yes, but it makes it no less foolish. Surveys have shown that around 90 to 95 percent of those who date fall in some manner to the temptation of their lusts.
It is not the wise who thrusts himself into harms way but the fool. The wise knows and accepts that the area of passion is like a burning coal waiting to scorch those who handle it.

I am reminded of the proverbs and the council of the wise not to look into her eyes and the words of Paul that it is good that a man not touch a woman. While it may seem old fashion legalistic or foolish to put up such a barrier as not dating in ones life, it is the fool who rushes into the flames that feeds the passions while claiming I am safe. Seek wisdom and not folly, again I say seek wisdom as she is your friend.
 
Scarlett O.

Scarlett O.

Moderator
Moderator
Dating is fine. If I had teenagers would I limit it? Yes. Would I discourage of lot of it. Yes. But that's because they are not adults. Their frontal lobes in their brains, which control impulses and govern rational thought, haven't made all the proper connections yet and WON'T fully until they are in their mid to late 20's.

Is every date a potential mate? Not in my opinion. I've been on several dates where I would have DIED had I known that I would have had to marry that guy. But, we had fun - we went to movies, concerts, museums, carnivals, and more and enjoyed each other's company. Dating isn't and shouldn't be always about finding a spouse. That's putting WAY too much pressure on young people and even people my age.

I've had dinner with men whom I KNOW that I am not going to marry, but it's just a date. It takes SO much pressure off and we can have a very nice time together.

Are some people either sexually immature or sexually perverted and always looking for the wrong thing in EVERYTHING. Yes.

But not everyone is. Blanketly stating that no one should date unless they want to marry that person is a little over the top for me. Besides - what if they want to marry that person, but that person does not want to marry them?

 
M

mandym

New Member
Gina B said:
The purpose of dating is to look for that person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Unless you're looking for marriage, there's no reason.
I let one daughter talk me out of that thought, I was proven right, we're back to no dating.
If you're not mature enough for marriage, you're not mature enough to date.
If you're not looking for marriage, there's no purpose to date.

I've heard the argument "well, I need to know what kind of guy or girl I like and to learn how to make a relationship work."

That's a load of baloney. Males and females are all human and if you can't figure out how to get along with humans, you certainly aren't ready to start looking at marriage.

What kind of guy or girl you like? How about human, Christian, and a few other qualities you enjoy in others? That can be figured out with a pen and paper and a little bit of thought.
Getting to know the other person? Yep, good idea, but not if they don't already possess the minimal qualities of who you are looking for, and that can be figured out without dating.

The fact that kids are even interested in spending their time dating rather than focusing on their schooling, goals, and how they'll survive as adults is proof that teens are too young to date. Further proof of that immaturity is shown by schools with nurseries for the kids of the kids and the STD rate among teens.

Yet everyone's parents all say their kid is different. THEIR kid is mature. THEIR kid can handle it. THEIR kid can do it all. Next thing you know, THEIR kid is a parent, has no job, and is struggling to make passing grades.

So yes. The purpose of dating is to find a life partner. Anything else is not only pointless, it's playing with fire.
Click to expand...

Well said!:thumbs:
 
M

mandym

New Member
Jim1999 said:
Must be an American thing!!!

Cheers,

Jim
Click to expand...

Of course Jim if you don't agree with it it must be an American thing. It cannot possibly be that we understand the nature and circumstances of so called dating and do not see the benefits of it. It can only be that it is not well thought out and is simply a traditional American thing.
 
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NaasPreacher (C4K)

NaasPreacher (C4K)

Well-Known Member
Jim1999 said:
Must be an American thing!!!

Cheers,

Jim
Click to expand...

Sorry Jim,

It is hardly an 'American thing,' just a difference of opinion. I consider you a dear friend, but I hear this 'American thing' far too often as a means of dismissal when discussing issues, ideas, and opinions. It seems an easy way to write off folks who disagree.

By the way, I agree that every date is not a potential mate. A date can just be for a fun time.
 
G

Gina B

Active Member
C4K said:
By the way, I agree that every date is not a potential mate. A date can just be for a fun time.
Click to expand...

Wouldn't that just be called doing something with a friend? The very nature of the word "date" in our culture has strong romantic implications and it is well understood that the purpose of a date with someone is to further the personal relationship as pertains to the hopes of it becoming a girlfriend/boyfriend situation.

Generally dating leads to deciding to be girlfriend and boyfriend or not, then to engagement, then to marriage. That's the order of things. Somewhere along the line that can be broken. And with all the needless dating, all too often is.
 
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J

Jim1999

<img src =/Jim1999.jpg>
Official dictionary definition of date:

6. colloq., a) an engagement or appointment, esp. a person of the opposite sex. b) US a person with whom one has a social engagement.

Nothing to do with marriage.

Cheers,

Jim
 
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