The role of the wife.

[mparkerfd20]

I understand what you're saying, and I feel for what you've been through but where does Scripture say you deserve to be married and happy? None of us deserve anything. God doesn't owe us a good marriage, a loving husband, a good job, happiness, health or anything. That is the kind of teaching that the prosperity teachers teach but it's not what God tells us in Scripture.

Our pastor has said something that I think is so important: we will never be happily married until we are happily single. In other words, we need to learn to be content in whatever God has brought our way. When we can be content to be single if that's where God has us, then we can be content if a husband comes along or not.

I'd say from your posts, that might be an area to pray about. Ask God if you are content in your circumstances or if you're fighting Him about it - because it sounds like that's what's happening.

((HUGS)) I hope this doesn't offend but take this as a sister in Christ.

Thanks for putting that more eloquently than I could have. :thumbs:

 

[gb93433]

I have been a member of Baptist churches (SBC & IFB) for 50 some years and never heard physical abuse (wife battering) directly preached about. Inferred by generalities, but not outright. Same with emotional and mental abuse. So, maybe you are the exception. Or maybe things are changing....:applause:

You have never heard me preach. Spousal abuse is some of the highest in the nation among those kind of churches. Things have noit changed. A lot of preachers know if they preach on such things that there wil be some in the congregation who will get mad. Many preachers today preach a sweet Jesus and are afraid to confront because they think of themselves first and do not really love people enough to confront them.

 

[gb93433]

Hey, gb, I'm glad your father turned his life around. But too many times abusers will go on to find a fresh victim unless they get help.

It was done by force. He tried to find a fresh victim and we exposed him to her at the time. She dropped him like a hot potato. He could no longer blame anyone else and try to cover it up.

 

[gb93433]

Amen. We're still dealing with a human being who's not perfect. Even the most Godly man can stray and become quite ungodly in his actions. And nothing that the wife does can stop it or fix it.

That is the reason for church discipline and leaders who will confront the sinner. I have seen cases where the church leaders confronted the people involved and the sin ceased and the people were restored. People who know they are wrong and not confrointed do not feel loved. Some of them want serious help but just can't seem to do it on their own and fall back into their old traps.

 

[superwoman8977]

Thanks for putting that more eloquently than I could have. :thumbs:

Okay if I am supposed to be content being alone and 40,000.00 in debt and going nowhere then I am about as content as you can be about it. I have been single now for 18 months I dealt with it, I didnt enjoy it but I dealt with it made the best of it. I am financially bankrupt. I still keep swimming but there are days I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It frustrates me when I see familes and couples and I wish I could have what they have. Its not even a matter of being content I did the single thing I hated it I lived with it but I hated it. Am I happy with myself? Absolutely I love who I am I love that I am mom to my boys and a child of the King, a friend, a sister, a daughter but yes part of me does want to share my life with someone, someone whos going to love me and respect me, the problem with my marriage is that there was no respect, no communication my husband did what he wanted no matter what the consequences were. If he wanted a new motorcycle he would go out and get a loan for the new motorcycle and when it was reposessed in a few months because he wouldnt pay the payment he would do it again. Thats just how he was. As for exposing himself to the leaders of the church --he was my husband I asked for help in our marriage and was told to pray for our marriage, God will get hold of him , well alot of good that did. The man i have met yes is a soldier also but he is so funny, kind and caring, we have known each other for years since he at one time was in my husbands unit and actually I was friends with his wife like way back in 2000. He works all the time so I dont get to see him alot but we talk and text alot and thats what gets us through not seeing each other. Why would I want to sit there and weep over a dead branch when God is offering me a new start on the vine of life? Thats where I am coming from.

 

[annsni]

Okay if I am supposed to be content being alone and 40,000.00 in debt and going nowhere then I am about as content as you can be about it. I have been single now for 18 months I dealt with it, I didnt enjoy it but I dealt with it made the best of it. I am financially bankrupt. I still keep swimming but there are days I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. It frustrates me when I see familes and couples and I wish I could have what they have. Its not even a matter of being content I did the single thing I hated it I lived with it but I hated it. Am I happy with myself? Absolutely I love who I am I love that I am mom to my boys and a child of the King, a friend, a sister, a daughter but yes part of me does want to share my life with someone, someone whos going to love me and respect me, the problem with my marriage is that there was no respect, no communication my husband did what he wanted no matter what the consequences were. If he wanted a new motorcycle he would go out and get a loan for the new motorcycle and when it was reposessed in a few months because he wouldnt pay the payment he would do it again. Thats just how he was. As for exposing himself to the leaders of the church --he was my husband I asked for help in our marriage and was told to pray for our marriage, God will get hold of him , well alot of good that did. The man i have met yes is a soldier also but he is so funny, kind and caring, we have known each other for years since he at one time was in my husbands unit and actually I was friends with his wife like way back in 2000. He works all the time so I dont get to see him alot but we talk and text alot and thats what gets us through not seeing each other. Why would I want to sit there and weep over a dead branch when God is offering me a new start on the vine of life? Thats where I am coming from.

What I see is that it seems that you are looking for a man to make you happy because you are not happy alone. That is not contentment and it will make for a poor marriage. A man will not make you content because then there will be something else that is amiss and not what it "should" be. Paul was able to be content even being in prison, and while he would have preferred to be out, or even in heaven with the Lord, he still sung praises, witnessed to the other prisoners and guards and wrote beautiful letters to his brothers and sisters in Christ. THAT is contentment.

Here is the definition of "content" from Webster's 1828 dictionary: "Rest or quietness of the mind in the present condition; satisfaction which holds the mind in peace, restraining complaint, opposition, or further desire, and often implying a moderate degree of happiness."

Can you say you are content?

Philipians 4:10-13 " I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

 

[mparkerfd20]

Why would I want to sit there and weep over a dead branch when God is offering me a new start on the vine of life? Thats where I am coming from.

I'm not saying weep over a dead branch as you put it and neither was annsi. The point being made was that God doesn't necessarily want us to be happy. Not the extent that most of us take it anyway. I think we've gotten loose with the word Happy and it has left us with a huge misconception. If by happy we believe that God wants us to live a life full of joy and pleasure, I believe the scriptures are clear that this isn't the case. First, the lie that God wants me to be Happy can too easily be used to justify sinful behavior. I'm not saying you are doing this, but am warning against it.

If the bottom line is that God just wants me to be happy, then I'd have the freedom to use God's desire for my happiness to justify ANY decision I make or action I take. Just think about how dangerous such a position could be. One could justify abortion, because God wants them to be happy. One could keep up with bad habits like overeating, drinking, feeding all types of lusts, because God wants me to be happy.

This lie that God wants me to be happy effects more than just my actions. It warps my view of God's will for my life and could have me pursuing after the wrong goal. Which in turn would only frustrate me more and cause me to become hopeless when I never reach that goal. Furthermore, it leads to a situation that when we are not happy we think one of 2 things... there must be something wrong with me or there must be something wrong with God. This lie robs us of what God really wants for our lives and instead causes us to try to micro manage every area of our life looking for the perfect mate, perfect kids, perfect job, or even the perfect physique. It steals our satisfaction or contentment and replaces it with disappointment and a depression.

If we're not happy all the time, it's ok! Life is not all about happiness. Don't get me wrong, God gives us some great promises:

(Joh 15:11) These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.

(Jer 7:23) but this thing I commanded them, saying, Hearken unto my voice, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people; and walk ye in all the way that I command you, that it may be well with you.

But at the same time Jesus also warns of the struggle:

(Joh 16:33) These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye may have peace. In the world ye have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

(Mat 6:34) Be not therefore anxious for the morrow: for the morrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

There's several areas in my life and in my own marriage that I didn't ask for, nor would I ever want to go through them again. But at the same time I can't deny that God has blessed my life and marriage through those events somehow and my life is now richer because of them. I have little doubt that since you are a child of God, He will make your life much richer and fuller too through the situation that you've been through. All I'm saying is just be careful that you are truly pursuing God's will in your life and not placing your will on God, because you feel like you deserve happiness. And do know that I am truly sympathetic of your situation and have been praying for you all day since reading about the situation you've been going through.

 

[LadyEagle]

we have known each other for years since he at one time was in my husbands unit and actually I was friends with his wife like way back in 2000.

Uh oh. Is he divorced?

 

[superwoman8977]

What I see is that it seems that you are looking for a man to make you happy because you are not happy alone. That is not contentment and it will make for a poor marriage. A man will not make you content because then there will be something else that is amiss and not what it "should" be. Paul was able to be content even being in prison, and while he would have preferred to be out, or even in heaven with the Lord, he still sung praises, witnessed to the other prisoners and guards and wrote beautiful letters to his brothers and sisters in Christ. THAT is contentment.

Here is the definition of "content" from Webster's 1828 dictionary: "Rest or quietness of the mind in the present condition; satisfaction which holds the mind in peace, restraining complaint, opposition, or further desire, and often implying a moderate degree of happiness."

Can you say you are content?

Philipians 4:10-13 " I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

And can you say dont want to sit here and be broke and alone. I am okay being alone I know what its like being alone but I also like it on Friday night when I am not home at 6pm in my jammies because I have no life no one to spend any time with like when the 5 yr old goes to his dads and its just me home for the weekend. I work a 40 hr a week job and still cannot make ends meet and I dont have any extras in my life I basically go to work and come home and take care of my place and the kids and go to bed and get up and do it all over in the morning. I actually liked being a wife, liked spending time with my husband (when things were still good ) loved being there for him, supporting him, standing by him on 2 deployments to Iraq and one to Bosnia. I would just like to for once be the one thats taken care of and treated with love and respect thats all I am getting at.

 

[superwoman8977]

Uh oh. Is he divorced?

Here is the story behind his situation. He loved his wife, served his country and while he went to Iraq to serve his country his wife couldnt be faithful to him so she slept with another man and then when he came home from Iraq she divorced him and married the other guy. They have a son that is 6. So we both have been hurt by another thats why us dating we have both been the victim so we really dont want to hurt each other in any way. He has been there for me throughout this because he knows what I am going through and how I feel and he attends church when his schedule allows it and we have some awesome talks about things in the bible.

 

[Pastor Larry]

To all,

I would be very cautious giving marital advice in a forum such as this where there is very limited information and only one side. I am not in the least impugning anything that has been said here. I haven't even read it all. But I have enough experience to know that there is always more, and to know that internet forums are not good places to ask for/dispense/receive marital advice.

To GB,

You did not submit to God and did not resist the devil. ... If what you say is true then you submitted yourself to a man who was following Satan. That is not godly submission but rather being a doormat and doing what Satan desired. You failed to have enough strength to stand for righteousness.

That's pretty accusatory of you, and in addition, it seems to ignore the command of 1 Peter 3:1ff, that wives are to be submissive to husbands even if they (the husbands) are disobedient to the Word. That does not call for someone to stay in an abusive situation, but we need far more reckoning with this command than most people give it. It is impossible for a married woman to be submissive to God unless she is submissive to her husband, save in matters of explicit disobedience to God.

Your husband should have been exposed immediately for who he was both by you and the church you attended. Too many churches "pray" for a man in sin rather than deal with his sin like they should. That is the purpose of church discipline.

I think we have interacted enough in the past to know that our views of discipleship are vastly different, but I think to set "prayer" against "dealing with sin like they should" is a very bad dichotomy. Prayer is a part of dealing with sin. Furthermore, "exposed immediately" is direct disobedience to God who commands us to go one on one, then two or three on one, then the church, then put them out. There is no biblical command for "immediate exposure." So you here again seem to be encouraging disobedience, while making a false dichotomy.

Spousal abuse is some of the highest in the nation among those kind of churches.

This kind of statement is completely inexcusable and without merit. You have no idea about this, and you have no way to back it up. You are slandering a great many churches and people, and you need to repent and make a public apology for it.

Lastly, you complain about physical abuse and the sinfulness of it while bragging that you put your father on the floor. That is hypocritical and it was sinful of you since you did not show respect to your father.

You seem to be headed down a wrong path here, at least in what you have said. It seems wise to temper your comments and reevaluate some of them in light of Scripture, and I encourage you to do that.

 

[righteousdude2]

The Biblical Role of a Wife!

In my heart and mind, the role of a true Scriptural wife is the at its best when her role is blessed with unconditional love from the husband. Men have the role of being the "Priest" of the family unit, and that role is one of unconditional love.

In order to enhance the role of the wife, learn to love her, and adore her, like she's the last woman on earth, and never treat her any less than that; thanking God at all times for the helpmate He has seen fit to put by your side.

Pastor Paul :type:

 

[Brother Shane]

Okay superwoman, I am not the one to nosey into people's business, but you constantly talk about your poor financial situation (how much you're in debt, how many hours you work a week), and one can not help but wonder... if you "can not make ends meet" -- as I quote you -- what are you doing with Internet service and all of this spare time (working 40 hrs a week and all)?

 

[ccrobinson]

I am not the one to nosey into people's business

If you really thought this, then you wouldn't have asked the questions that you asked.

 

[Brother Shane]

Really, how can you nosey into someone's business when they put it out there? That would be extremely difficult. When I think of nosey, I think of people that ask those questions to say things they would not say to you willingly. This woman, however, seems not to care.

I ask it because her post doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Brother Bob]

Oh boy!!!!
Can I bring my dog?

Sure as long as it does not hurt my dog, who is only 14 lbs...............

BBob,

 

[Filmproducer]

Okay superwoman, I am not the one to nosey into people's business, but you constantly talk about your poor financial situation (how much you're in debt, how many hours you work a week), and one can not help but wonder... if you "can not make ends meet" -- as I quote you -- what are you doing with Internet service and all of this spare time (working 40 hrs a week and all)?

I have not jumped in, but this is getting ridiculous. Shane you are 17 years old!!!! Grow up and get a clue before you start commenting on other people's financial and marital affairs. I believe someone else stated it best when they mentioned tact. Learn what it means and start using it- please! For all of our sakes.

 

[LadyEagle]

In order to enhance the role of the wife, learn to love her, and adore her, like she's the last woman on earth, and never treat her any less than that; thanking God at all times for the helpmate He has seen fit to put by your side.

How true. The Bible says that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing.

However....there aren't any verses which tell women that finding a husband is a good thing. Oops, now I've done iit! Okay, men, I am leaving right now, dodging tomatoes on my way out the door!!
:laugh: :tonofbricks:

 

[Filmproducer]

Really, how can you nosey into someone's business when they put it out there? That would be extremely difficult. When I think of nosey, I think of people that ask those questions to say things they would not say to you willingly. This woman, however, seems not to care.

I ask it because her post doesn't make sense to me.

How in the world could you know anything about what is happening in superwoman's life, or any other adult on this board? You do not understand because you are still a child. The nuances of married life elude you, trust me. It does not matter how much biblical "knowledge" you think you may have. That knowledge means nothing if you cannot relate it to real life. Anyone can give a standard dictionary definition of the word submission. The real question is not what submission means in theory, but in practice. Something of which you have little or no idea. So leave the conversation to grown folks or at least be respectful when addressing the adults on this board, particularily the women, and in the end you may end up learning something.

 

[gb93433]

That's pretty accusatory of you, and in addition, it seems to ignore the command of 1 Peter 3:1ff, that wives are to be submissive to husbands even if they (the husbands) are disobedient to the Word. That does not call for someone to stay in an abusive situation, but we need far more reckoning with this command than most people give it. It is impossible for a married woman to be submissive to God unless she is submissive to her husband, save in matters of explicit disobedience to God.

Why say that it is just “pretty accusatory” and “it seems?” Is your Jesus a wishy-washy Jesus or a bold Jesus?

Submission to God comes first. A woman cannot love her husband by letting him be a coward and beat his wife and children, while maiming them for life. In fact the law holds her just as responsible for supporting such things.

Her submission was to her husband as a door mat and not to God first. She was blessing his sin by not taking action. She allowed her husband into her home (possible diseases and all) to act as he wanted and be disobedient to God without ever talking with the elders in her church and calling them to take action. That is the role of leadership in the church. But no we have too many men who are so feminine with pants and will not take a stance against a wilting flower.

Prayer is a part of dealing with sin. Furthermore, "exposed immediately" is direct disobedience to God who commands us to go one on one, then two or three on one, then the church, then put them out. There is no biblical command for "immediate exposure." So you here again seem to be encouraging disobedience, while making a false dichotomy.

Yes prayer is a part of dealing with sin. Wisdom is part of dealing with sin. Some have little of it.

I am not encouraging disobedience to God but rather love. “Exposing immediately” is going to the elders in the church first. She is never obligated to be obedient to her husband in encouraging the cover up of sin by being a doormat and disobedient to God in covering it up. That is the reason for discipline in the church. Love for a person is demonstrated by confrontation and accountable restoration.

This kind of statement is completely inexcusable and without merit. You have no idea about this, and you have no way to back it up. You are slandering a great many churches and people, and you need to repent and make a public apology for it.

You need some help in your grammar. I never libeled any particular churches. You sound just like the RCC and its pedophilia cover up over the years. I would bet that if you are so interested in verifying what I wrote then you could do a google search. Perhaps you could also talk with some lawyers and counselors. I would assume by your comments that you have never been trained to any counseling. You should have known such things.

Maybe you should read http://www.faithstreams.com/ME2/Sites/Default.asp?SiteID=19E194F59FD942CAB1287F03E02906
You also read what the lady wrote too. Where was the church when she needed them most? Were their heads stuck in the sand too? It is a good thing we do not have passive police protection like you would suggest. I grew up in a home that was like hell on earth. My family went to church every Sunday and heard the typical prayer, submission nonsense. My mom was so brainwashed into believing that her beating would stop through prayer alone. We woke up many nights with her screaming and again and again like a doormat she said nothing. The first time I was big enough and strong enough to take him down I did when he grabbed me. When my sister was engaged to her now husband she told him that if he ever laid a hand on her that she would leave. He later told me that he was surprised to hear that. He is a retired police officer. His words also support what I wrote earlier that you disagreed with. When I took a stance is when it stopped for good. That was after about 18 years of hell for my mom. So don't give me the pious garbage you suggest. The problem is that there are too many wimps as pastors who are afraid to take a strong stance against cowardly men beating their wives and out cheating on them. If you are a pastor then it is your responsibility to lead not just in the easy times and preach a feminine Jesus but to also take a strong stance to support those who cannot stand up for themselves.

Lastly, you complain about physical abuse and the sinfulness of it while bragging that you put your father on the floor. That is hypocritical and it was sinful of you since you did not show respect to your father.

In your judgment can you show me how you were able to judge me in such a way?

Perhaps you forgot to read Proverbs 15:28 before exposing your lack of wisdom and understanding.

Show me one verse in the Bible where you can support what you wrote taking into account what I wrote in the following paragraph.

What kind of a hypocrite are you when you suggest that one show respect for a man that beats his wife and children? Even the law does not respect that kind of a person. People are put in jail for spousal abuse. You advice shows how little ministry you have done among those people. When was the last time you saw a police officer tolerate a man who beat his wife and children? When was the last time you stood in front of a cowardly man who beat his wife and kids to bless him? When was the last time you confronted the coward who beat his wife and children. How hypocritical and arrogant of you to think that I should have just stood there and let his anger explode and attack me and beat me up. I have many scars and broken teeth from when I was younger as the proof of his rage. Then you have the arrogance to suggest that I stand there and let him pound on us. Get out in the real world and do some ministry among those who live in such conditions then you will understand, instead of judge. He also put things in my hand and told me to take them out of the store. I suppose your feminine theology would support that too?

A few years ago I saw the aftermath of a man who beat his wife so bad that she was hardly recognizable. And you suggest that he be respected and pampered? What kind of a preacher are you to suggest such a violation of the law and love of his wife? Like an idiot she went back to him before he got any help because she listened to people just like you. He beat her again and was arrested and convicted. He has been spending a lot of time in jail now.

You seem to be headed down a wrong path here, at least in what you have said. It seems wise to temper your comments and reevaluate some of them in light of Scripture, and I encourage you to do that.

When was the last time you examined the passage where Jesus turned over the tax gatherers tables? When was the last time you stood for righteousness in your church and community rather than just preach a feminine Jesus? When was the last time you stood beside someone being beaten to the point where they were hardly recognizable? When you do then maybe you will put some skin on your faith and boldness in your heart to stand against unrighteousness.

Sometime when you get a chance read
http://umbl0g.blogspot.com/2007/02/resources-on-spousal-abuse-in-church.html