To Do Or Not To Do.

[salzer mtn]

I know we live in a fast age and what we used to do to show respect to others and for others are looked upon as out of date. Now to the question. A 65 year old pastor lost his wife to cancer seven months ago. They had been married since they were in their teens, it was a good marriage with two grown children. The pastor married again this past week. He married a woman from the same kind of church as his, living in another state. So the courtship was long distance and short. In one way of looking at this a pastor needs a help meet, a companion but in another way of looking at this, shouldn't he have showed more respect for the memory of his dead wife by waiting at least a year to get married again ?

 

[Rolfe]

It is nobody's business except those involved and their families.

 

[salzer mtn]

It is nobody's business except those involved and their families.

You could say that but a pastor of a church is not a private person but to some extent a roll model.

 

[Rolfe]

​

You could say that but a pastor of a church is not a private person but to some extent a roll model.

It is his vow to make, though. To my knowledge, there is no waiting period dictated in Scripture. As I see it, if there be any sin, it lies with the gossips.

 

[Rolfe]

Every marriage vow that I have witnessed has been until death, not death plus a waiting period after.

 

[Scarlett O.]

I've never heard of a waiting period. I've definitely heard people talk, gossip, and judge.

If there is any reason to wait, it would be for the loved ones (children and parents) of the deceased to accept it, however the ultimate decision belongs to the two people getting married.

In other words, 99% of the time, I don't consider it my business.

Also, I have seen - in one instance - where an elderly man didn't allow himself time to fully grieve his wife before he remarried. His second marriage is working well, but she has had to help him with the grief that he denied for too long. To her credit and his benefit, she holds no bitterness in having to do that.

 

[Thousand Hills]

Interesting topic and some good thoughts, I have seen similar type situations and as has been pointed out the gossips love these situations.

None of us have a sneak peek inside the marriages of anybody else and really know what goes on. In the particular situation in the OP it would appear likely that the wife and husband had discussed a scenario like this a long time ago and were both confident in their love for each other (mature) and that they were comfortable with the surviving spouse remarrying when God brought the right person along.

In other situations it may be that couples don't have the relationships that we might want to project on them, and the reality is they never were intimate and close prior to death of the spouse, and therefore a shorter time to grieve is not necessary.

 

[salzer mtn]

I was thinking of the children of the pastor. They are not saved, they are not close to their dad. Some preachers kids after they are grown want to get as far from church as possible. The children were close to their mother. If it were me I would not want to drive a deeper wedge between my lost children and myself by taking a new wife so soon.

 

[sag38]

Salzer, that is your opinion. Personally, I don't know how I would handle such a situation in my own life. Hopefully, I would not rush into another marriage. But, I don't know. If I did, I would hope that my family and friends would respect my decision.

 

[Thousand Hills]

I was thinking of the children of the pastor. They are not saved, they are not close to their dad. Some preachers kids after they are grown want to get as far from church as possible. The children were close to their mother. If it were me I would not want to drive a deeper wedge between my lost children and myself by taking a new wife so soon.

Not to be mean, but if their mothers testimony and seeing her suffer through the cancer did not draw them to look to Christ it is unlikely that the father remaining single and "honoring her memory" will. From what you shared it makes more sense to me now, if he is not close to his kids and they do not share in grieving /support than the quick remarriage with a likeminded lady is reasonable.

 

[InTheLight]

shouldn't he have showed more respect for the memory of his dead wife by waiting at least a year to get married again ?

From another thread:

People that wonder about a Christians standing with God just because a tragedy happens in their life are just proving by their thoughts they believe in a works base salvation.

Box.

 

[salzer mtn]

forgetaboutit.

 

[kyredneck]

Salz, I absolutely love your signature. Where did you come across that? I googled it but found no source.

 

[salzer mtn]

Salz, I absolutely love your signature. Where did you come across that? I googled it but found no source.

A old preacher named Scott Richardson who pastored a sovereign grace Baptist church in West Virginia who was a very deep thinker said this very often. He past on several years ago.

 

[kyredneck]

It's a profound articulation of the major benefit of our faith, i.e., gospel salvation.

 

[salzer mtn]

I went to Yahoo and typed in Scott Richardson Gospel tapes online and it pulled up his sermon audio's.

 

[kyredneck]

Was he Hardshell?

 

[tyndale1946]

I know we live in a fast age and what we used to do to show respect to others and for others are looked upon as out of date. Now to the question. A 65 year old pastor lost his wife to cancer seven months ago. They had been married since they were in their teens, it was a good marriage with two grown children. The pastor married again this past week. He married a woman from the same kind of church as his, living in another state. So the courtship was long distance and short. In one way of looking at this a pastor needs a help meet, a companion but in another way of looking at this, shouldn't he have showed more respect for the memory of his dead wife by waiting at least a year to get married again ?

I too lost my wife to cancer and I watched her suffer for 4 years. I had a handicapped son 22. One month after I lost my wife I met another believer online... I didn't go on there looking to get married or disrespect the woman I had been with for 30 years... Yet one year after we met we got married... Btw my handicapped son was placed in a group home and has been happy for over 11 years... Question Did I jump the gun?... And how can you judge this pastor having not walked in his shoes?... Brother Glen

 

[kyredneck]

You all give salz a break, I think he gets it already.

 

[wpe3bql]

I agree with the majority of the posts already made.

I'm reminded of what happened to my now late mother when my father died in 1963 primarily due to complications of a brain tumor.

It was almost as soon as our local newspaper had published my father's obituary that various, shall we say, trolls of the male gender, sought to "comfort" my mother by suggesting she re-marry to said individual(s).

When she died some 40 years later, her remains were placed next to her spouse of 32 years.

That's "her story," and apparently she "stuck with it."