Unequally Yoked Wedding

[Hawaiiski]

What would you do in the case of a Christian friend or relative getting married to an unbeliever after being counseled not to from the Bible? Would you attend the wedding? Break off fellowship? Exercise church discipline?

 

[Magnetic Poles]

Attendance should not be to show approval or disapproval. This person has invited you to share their joy, they made their decision. Attend and offer your best wishes. Don't make it a protest.

 

[Joe]

I would express my concerns backed up with bible verses though there really aren't any I know of except the unequally yoked verse.

It's harder to convince someone when the scriptures do not directly state a believer must not marry an unbeliever. But you can try.

Church discipline? Certainly not. Be happy for him ! You aren't much of a friend if you are considering basing your friendship upon his choice of whom to marry. Remain his friend, go to his wedding and enjoy yourself.


Joe

 

[LeBuick]

I agree with the two previous responses and will add that two can belong to the same Church and be unequally yoked. And if the unbeliever doesn't have a problem with your believing then there should be no conflict. This may also be the first step to bringing the unbeliever to Christ.

 

[Pastor Larry]

As far as attending, probably not, but perhaps. I would certainly not stand up for someone in a wedding that I disapproved of. As far as church discipline, yes. If a believer marries an unbeliever, they should be disciplined from the church for direct and wiling disobedience to God's commands.

 

[Tom Bryant]

I have gone to weddings when I could not perform them because of being unequally yoked.

In terms of church discipline, are you their pastor? I would begin the process. This gets even more dicey if you are a relative. Praying for wisdom for you.

 

[Joe]

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

This is the only basis provided which addresses unbelievers and believers. I started a Poll asking how many would marry an unbliever. It is located in the Poll section. No one came up with much more, but there was enough that I felt God wanted us to marry believers only. Or he convicted me to think this way. Otherwise, it's still pretty shaky though...

In addressing this verse, the word unbelievers is plural, so clearly it is not speaking of a specific unbeliever such as a spouse. Without this clarity, there is NO COMMAND. Therefore, no command to break. Therefore, no church discipline. To exercise authority otherwise, may be sinning.
It doesn't take a high IQ to know this will only cause strife, and shoot her in the foot before she even has a chance to know the Lord thus causing him to follow scripture to protect her from these "so called" Christians (in her eyes). The best scinereo after church discipline is they will find another church, the worst is he may get discouraged and choose not to attend church at all since his wife is not Christian.

Yet, if you would like to interpret the verse to "cover" the unbeliever in this case, then it appears you can do so. IMHO, talk to him of your concerns, then leave it at that. Support both their walks in Christ. I'll pray for you and that God's will be done.

 

[bapmom]

you can only do church discipline if they are a part of a church you are pastoring.......don't know if that's the case?

Is this a hypothetical question or is there a real couple involved? just curious...


I'd attend the wedding - but I wouldn't be in the wedding party - I'd only give my opinion on the match if I was asked by one of the two people getting married. Attending the wedding will keep those lines of communication open though, and in the future the couple will probably need your friendship.

 

[tinytim]

As far as attending, probably not, but perhaps. I would certainly not stand up for someone in a wedding that I disapproved of. As far as church discipline, yes. If a believer marries an unbeliever, they should be disciplined from the church for direct and wiling disobedience to God's commands.

JUst wondering what form of church discipline would be applied..

What would you want them to do after they were married? Divorce or be thrown out of church?

How would the discipline be applied?
On what conditions could reconciliation be acheived?

Do you require all member's spouses to be saved? If not, then you would be guilty of a double standard...


ie.
Bubba gets thrown out of church because he married an unbeliever..
But Billy Bob gets saved, and his wife doesn't but he is still allowed to join... Or do you require both man and wife to be saved in order for them to be part of the church?

That is just not fair.

So how could it be handled that was fair?

 

[Gayla]

JUst wondering what form of church discipline would be applied..

What would you want them to do after they were married? Divorce or be thrown out of church?

How would the discipline be applied?
On what conditions could reconciliation be acheived?

Do you require all member's spouses to be saved? If not, then you would be guilty of a double standard...


ie.
Bubba get's thrown out of church because he married an unbeliever..
But Billy Bob get's saved, and his wife doesn't but he is still allowed to join... Or do you require both man and wife to be saved in order for them to be part of the church?

That is just not fair.

So how could it be handled that was fair?

I agree, Church discipline does sound a little harsh.
And what would be the basis?

 

[Hawaiiski]

Is this a hypothetical question or is there a real couple involved?

Both. At a previous church, a member married an unsaved man. I also have Christian friends who are in relationships w/ unbelievers which will probably lead to marriage. I'm not a pastor, but was wondering how the church & pastor should handle something like this.

 

[4boys4joys]

Quote by Joe

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

This is the only basis provided which addresses unbelievers and believers. I started a Poll asking how many would marry an unbliever. It is located in the Poll section. No one came up with much more, but there was enough that I felt God wanted us to marry believers only. Or he convicted me to think this way. Otherwise, it's still pretty shaky though...

In addressing this verse, the word unbelievers is plural, so clearly it is not speaking of a specific unbeliever such as a spouse. Without this clarity, there is NO COMMAND. Therefore, no command to break. Therefore, no church discipline. To exercise authority otherwise, may be sinning.
It doesn't take a high IQ to know this will only cause strife, and shoot her in the foot before she even has a chance to know the Lord thus causing him to follow scripture to protect her from these "so called" Christians (in her eyes). The best scinereo after church discipline is they will find another church, the worst is he may get discouraged and choose not to attend church at all since his wife is not Christian.

Yet, if you would like to interpret the verse to "cover" the unbeliever in this case, then it appears you can do so. IMHO, talk to him of your concerns, then leave it at that. Support both their walks in Christ. I'll pray for you and that God's will be done.

How many Bible verses do you have to have ? I would think that if all you could find is one verse or principle derived from scripture that would be enough. I do not understand why some need more than one verse to deem something unwise or sin. There is only one John 3:16 and no one ever says I don't see that anywhere else in the Bible. How many times does God have to say it for it to be true.

When I tell my child something once, it is and should be enough ?

 

[pinoybaptist]

The pastor's, and the brethren's, job is to open up Scriptures, obedience or otherwise is that of the member, with regards to marriage.

If church discipline is undertaken, then on what basis, as somebody asked, would reacceptance be made ?

On their divorce ? On condition that the unbeliever get saved, be baptized and join the church ?

Ridiculous.

 

[4boys4joys]

The pastor's, and the brethren's, job is to open up Scriptures, obedience or otherwise is that of the member, with regards to marriage.

If church discipline is undertaken, then on what basis, as somebody asked, would reacceptance be made ?

On their divorce ? On condition that the unbeliever get saved, be baptized and join the church ?

Ridiculous.

I could not agree more. :thumbs:

 

[saturneptune]

I could not agree more. :thumbs:

Cannot agree more. First of all, you really dont know if the other person is saved or not. Very good post TT. For those who would exercise church discipline for this, I think your common sense is near zero.

 

[Joe]

Quote by Joe

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

This is the only basis provided which addresses unbelievers and believers. I started a Poll asking how many would marry an unbliever. It is located in the Poll section. No one came up with much more, but there was enough that I felt God wanted us to marry believers only. Or he convicted me to think this way. Otherwise, it's still pretty shaky though...

In addressing this verse, the word unbelievers is plural, so clearly it is not speaking of a specific unbeliever such as a spouse. Without this clarity, there is NO COMMAND. Therefore, no command to break. Therefore, no church discipline. To exercise authority otherwise, may be sinning.
It doesn't take a high IQ to know this will only cause strife, and shoot her in the foot before she even has a chance to know the Lord thus causing him to follow scripture to protect her from these "so called" Christians (in her eyes). The best scinereo after church discipline is they will find another church, the worst is he may get discouraged and choose not to attend church at all since his wife is not Christian.

Yet, if you would like to interpret the verse to "cover" the unbeliever in this case, then it appears you can do so. IMHO, talk to him of your concerns, then leave it at that. Support both their walks in Christ. I'll pray for you and that God's will be done.

How many Bible verses do you have to have ? I would think that if all you could find is one verse or principle derived from scripture that would be enough. I do not understand why some need more than one verse to deem something unwise or sin. There is only one John 3:16 and no one ever says I don't see that anywhere else in the Bible. How many times does God have to say it for it to be true.

When I tell my child something once, it is and should be enough ?

Earth to 4boys4joys, are you there 4boys4joys? Come in b4boys4joys....

Your post is very abrupt. It is similar to your last posts (in a specific thread) directed to me, which is the only time you have attempted communication with me. Continue this unkindness I will not be replying to you in the future. Please calm down.

Getting back on topic, I would like you to supply me with just ONE verse which states a believer is forbidden to marry an unbeliever, then I will be totally convinced.

It's not my concern how many times you must tell your child something, but make sure what you tell them is the truth as best you know it to be. Using just one verse to support your stance can be fine, each situation is different. But that is common sense, something you knew already.

Blessings,

Joe

 

[Magnetic Poles]

Church discipline is way over the line. I agree with Tim, what kind would you do anyway. Best thing to do is love them both, and MYOB. The time for counselling is over once the decision is made.

 

[Pastor Larry]

JUst wondering what form of church discipline would be applied..

So far as I know, there is only one kind of church discipline. It culminates in removal from the body.

What would you want them to do after they were married? Divorce or be thrown out of church?

The member is disciplined from the church for disobedience to Scripture.

How would the discipline be applied?

As the Bible prescribes: 1) Go to the person individually; 2) take two or three; 3) let it be heard by the church; 4) discipline them from the church.

On what conditions could reconciliation be acheived?

Repentance and acknowledgement of the sin involved.

Do you require all member's spouses to be saved?['/quote]No.

If not, then you would be guilty of a double standard...

Not at all. Being married to an unbeliever is not a sin; getting married to an unbeliever is.

Your example demonstrates this very clearly:

Bubba gets thrown out of church because he married an unbeliever..
But Billy Bob gets saved, and his wife doesn't but he is still allowed to join... Or do you require both man and wife to be saved in order for them to be part of the church?

No, believers join the church. and they are expected to live by the Bible.

That is just not fair.

On what biblical basis do we invoke fairness as a standard?

So how could it be handled that was fair?

It does not need to be handled fairly but biblically.

If you believe that someone is living in continual open rebellion against God with no repentance, then you should be willing to exercise church discipline.

If you do not believe marrying an unbeliever is sin, then you won't practice church discipline. If you do believe it is sin, then you have to, IMO. I have had couples quit the premarital counseling over this issue, and one of them resulted in church discipline for sexual immorality. The girl who was a believer did not want to stop the sexual immorality and was not willing to obey God and not marry the guy.

Here, the doctrine of ecclesiology is at stake. What we believe about ecclesiology and the necessity of obedience will determine how we respond to this issue.

 

[Pastor Larry]

'

Best thing to do is love them both,

I agree. And part of love of sharing hte gospel with the unbeliever, and pointing out the consequences of sin to the believer.

and MYOB.

A pastor, or churhc member, is minding their own business when they exhort that a believer not marry an unbeliever. The Bible states that the pastor "watches for the souls" of the church; and that believers are to provoke one another to love and good deeds. When I see a brother in my church living in disobedience, I am negligent if I do not get involved.

The time for counselling is over once the decision is made.

The decision is made when the couple says "I do." Even after that, there is time for counseling. But particularly before that. In my practice, I do premarital counseling and state clearly up front that I do not feel compelled to marry anyone. We will meet several times before I make the commitment to perform the marriage, and we will meet 6-10 times overall for premarital counseling. We generally meet after the wedding as well to "check up" on how things are going.

 

[tinytim]

So far as I know, there is only one kind of church discipline. It culminates in removal from the body.

Repentance and acknowledgement of the sin involved.

Ok, Let's say that Bubba and Daisy are meeting with you for marriage counseling...
You find out Daisy is not saved, but Bubba is.

You stop the counseling... and refuse to marry them... (I wouldn't marry them either btw)

They go to the Justice of the Peace and get married.

The following day you notify Bubba that he has sinned.
no response
you take a deacon with you, and restate your case...
no response
Then you take it before your church
Bubba is removed from church...

Upon what point would you let him back in?
In your post above you said "repentance and acknowledgement"

I can see him say, "Yes I know it was a sin..." That was an acknowledgement...

But the repentance is the tricky part...
He could say, "I'm sorry" but would that be repentance?
After all, repentance means turning from the sin... and in this case, that would mean turning from his wife... divorce... or at least seperation...

Or would you accept, "I'm sorry" and they could go their happy way.
Would you accept, "I'm sorry, however we love each other and are going to stay married"?

I am just asking out of curiosity.. because I have never seen church discipline started because of this issue....
Usually it is because a person is in an ongoing sinful situation in which they refuse to get out of... like living together.

I guess what I am asking is this: Is this a one time sin? (at the marriage ceremony) or, is this an ongoing sin.. (the whole marriage)

After all, even after he says, "I'm sorry" The next day, or even minute, they are still unequally yoked... and it is still a sin.

And what sins do you call people on the carpet for?...
If we discipline over every sin, the church would not get anything done...
but church discipline.

Do you personally go to every member in your flock that you have knowledge that they sin, and ask them to repent? Even if it is a one time sin?

Or do you give the Holy Spirit time to convict their heart...

I Give the Holy Spirit time... and 90% of the time God straightens them out... now the 10% of the time.... I have to go to them.

But I have never went over a one time sin. I wait until I don't see any signs of repentance...
And the only outward sign of repentance for an unequally yoked marriage would be divorce.