Unmarried Christians and Dating

[Thousand Hills]

He's 25 and she's 21.

Old enough to know better but still too young to care

 

[Scarlett O.]

Rd and Zaac should never be left alone without a chaperone.

Now WHO is going to help me clean up the pomegranate juice/Diet 7-Up cocktail that I just spewed all over my computer screen!!!!

POST OF THE DAY and it's only 6:44 AM.

I am still laughing as I am typing this!!

Come on, RD2 and Zaac, ya'll know it's true. Ya'll don't play well together.

You know what ya'll remind me of when ya'll go at each other. Ya'll remind of that mustard girl in that Heinz's new mustard commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhE4xRT4ujI

 

[SaggyWoman]

I am single.

The only curfew I have had since leaving home was self imposed, if it existed.

Even when I lived at home, I did not have a set curfew. When we were done with whatever, we came home.

I can just as easily have sex at 3 pm as I can at 3 am.

If I am out at an early wee hour of the morning, whatever my reasoning, I am out. As I am at any time of day.

People are going to assume what ever they want to assume. They can always ask, but why do that when you can make up all the stories you want to and leave it to your imagination.

My schedule is not your schedule Your schedule is not my schedule.

Sometimes I work shows and want to go out to eat afterwards.

Sometimes I can't sleep so I go out into nature and enjoy it.

Sometimes I am actually travelling at that hour (why, I don't know. Don't do that much any more since I would rather be sleeping.)

I pay my own bills. I have my own house. My mom and dad both have passed. Jesus doesn't particularly care if I am out at 3 am. He is usually with me anyway.

What else would you like to know?

 

[padredurand]

But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.
1 Corinthians 7:9 KJV

 

[righteousdude2]

Rd and Zaac should never be left alone without a chaperone.

Are you offering to babysit us? :wavey:

 

[Rolfe]

Are you offering to babysit us? :wavey:

As much as the two of you bicker...

 

[Gib]

As much as the two of you bicker...

Like a bunch of 20 year olds :tongue3:

 

[PreachTony]

Yes, I am aware that they can be out as long as they want. :laugh:

But say you had a college-aged son(this is what the situation is for one of my friends in my men's group) living at home. He's been seeing this Christian girl and coming home in the early hours of the morning.

Is this appropriate?

I was 32 when I met my fiancee. She was 24. How late would be appropriate for us to be out?

Even though you stated (if I read correctly) that they were "fornicating," simply being out late does not equate to that in all aspects of reality. My fiancee and I have stayed out until 2 or 3 am before. I'm a licensed Baptist preacher. She's a Deacon's daughter. We know people are going to talk (see my response to Jordan below). You cannot stop people from talking. Even if you did nothing but sit in your own house and never move, people would talk about you and speculate about what you are doing.

I don't think two young people of the opposite sex should ever be alone...day or night..

How do people date in your world? Or do you believe we should arrange marriages and skip the dating process entirely?

Look, I was terrified of this very thing when I began dating my fiancee. I had said for years that if I were to ever date someone, it would allow people outside of the church to cast aspersion on the church in my name. I knew that if I dated someone, then somebody outside the church would look at us and say that we were "fornicating," simply because we were dating. And I didn't want to be responsible for someone talking bad about the church. If I had remained in that mindset, then I would still be alone.

But I stopped thinking that way when I met my fiancee. People are going to talk. People are going to read "evil" into something that is not evil. That's the nature of the world today. Social media and entertainment have taught us that two single people dating is the equivalent of two people "knowing" each other in the Biblical sense. Should people just not date?

 

[Zaac]

I guess I'm just old fashioned. I grew up in an era of you have a young lady home before midnight because in the words of my pastor, "nothing good happens with two unmarried folks after midnight".

As Sapper said, I just don't think it is wise for two people who are dating or attracted to each other to be by themselves during the day or night. There's just too much temptation.


So for those of you who think it's okay because it's no nosy person's business, what do you feel about two unmarried dating Christians living together?

 

[Zaac]

I am single.

The only curfew I have had since leaving home was self imposed, if it existed.

Even when I lived at home, I did not have a set curfew. When we were done with whatever, we came home.

I can just as easily have sex at 3 pm as I can at 3 am.

But as a Christian, shouldn't you be placing yourself in a position to flee? Do you believe it's okay to put yourself alone with someone of the opposite sex during any time of the day or night and possibly into sexual temptation?

 

[Zaac]

I was 32 when I met my fiancee. She was 24. How late would be appropriate for us to be out?

Are you staying out by yourselves? If you are, I'd venture that you're probably doing some stuff where God would look at you and say FLEE!!!

Even though you stated (if I read correctly) that they were "fornicating," simply being out late does not equate to that in all aspects of reality. My fiancee and I have stayed out until 2 or 3 am before.

I'm aware of this. But THIS is what the unsaved world does. They stay out late and in the vernacular of the children, "they hook up".

Why are CHRISTIANS okay with giving the appearance that they are doing the same things?

I'm a licensed Baptist preacher. She's a Deacon's daughter. We know people are going to talk (see my response to Jordan below). You cannot stop people from talking. Even if you did nothing but sit in your own house and never move, people would talk about you and speculate about what you are doing.

I'm sorry, but as your fellow Baptist preacher, if I found out you were spending time alone with a woman to whom you are not yet married and it's just the two of you sitting in your own house doing nothing, I'd ask you if you'd completely lost your God-given mind?

How do people date in your world? Or do you believe we should arrange marriages and skip the dating process entirely?

I counsel people to date in groups. And if you want some one-on-one time, do it in a public setting

Look, I was terrified of this very thing when I began dating my fiancee. I had said for years that if I were to ever date someone, it would allow people outside of the church to cast aspersion on the church in my name. I knew that if I dated someone, then somebody outside the church would look at us and say that we were "fornicating," simply because we were dating.

If the two of you are, just to use your example, are sitting in your house alone doing nothing, then YOU are at fault.

And I didn't want to be responsible for someone talking bad about the church. If I had remained in that mindset, then I would still be alone.

If the people in the church are doing the same things that the folks outside the church are doing that look to be evil, then why wouldn't you too be responsible?

But I stopped thinking that way when I met my fiancee. People are going to talk. People are going to read "evil" into something that is not evil. That's the nature of the world today. Social media and entertainment have taught us that two single people dating is the equivalent of two people "knowing" each other in the Biblical sense. Should people just not date?

If you're doing that which looks to be the same type evil to which we speak to lost people of, then why would you expect people to not think it evil?

Dating is fine. But there is a way that Christians should do this thing called dating that brings honor to Christ.

 

[PreachTony]

Are you staying out by yourselves? If you are, I'd venture that you're probably doing some stuff where God would look at you and say FLEE!!!

So you admit that you are no different than the "world" that we've both decried. You don't know what we're doing, but you simply assume we're doing wrong because we're not conforming to your idea of what Christians should do.

I'm aware of this. But THIS is what the unsaved world does. They stay out late and in the vernacular of the children, "they hook up".

Why are CHRISTIANS okay with giving the appearance that they are doing the same things?

You're really projecting your own ideals on the situation, Zaac. No one is saying that Christians should be doing what the unsaved do. Then again, in the scenario we're talking about, no one is "hooking up." But if you're going to cast accusation, then how much do you do that the unsaved world does? Do you go to restaurants where they serve alcohol, even if you never order it nor go into the bar area? Do you shop at stores (Kroger, Wal-Mart, Target, etc.) that sell items containing violence, sex, and drug use, like DVDs or music?

I'm sorry, but as your fellow Baptist preacher, if I found out you were spending time alone with a woman to whom you are not yet married and it's just the two of you sitting in your own house doing nothing, I'd ask you if you'd completely lost your God-given mind?

I counsel people to date in groups. And if you want some one-on-one time, do it in a public setting

I have not lost my mind, Zaac, no matter how much you choose to disagree with me. Yeah, we've been together alone. It's just about impossible for two people to date and not be alone at some point. In fact, how do you counsel your "group-dates" to come to understand what a person is like away from groups if you tell them to always be in groups? At some point, two people in a relationship will be alone together. How do you counsel these folks?

Also, what do you tell people who cannot date in groups? I mean, consider my situation. I was 32. She was 24. Everyone else around us that we could've group-dated with were her age or younger. You can run into some mighty social awkwardness in those cases. Or do you just tell older single people to give up?

If the two of you are, just to use your example, are sitting in your house alone doing nothing, then YOU are at fault.

I love you, Zaac, but I'm mighty glad you're not my counselor. From what I can tell, if you were then I'd still be single.

If the people in the church are doing the same things that the folks outside the church are doing that look to be evil, then why wouldn't you too be responsible?

No one says it wouldn't be. But you're setting up a very slippery slope of "what looks to be evil."

If you're doing that which looks to be the same type evil to which we speak to lost people of, then why would you expect people to not think it evil?

Unless you believe a saved person becomes incapable of sin after their salvation, then the "type" of "evil" you're talking about should be preached to saved and lost alike. All have sinned and come short of God's glory. Not just the unsaved.

Dating is fine. But there is a way that Christians should do this thing called dating that brings honor to Christ.

What, exactly, do you see as the Christ-honoring version of dating?

 

[Zaac]

So you admit that you are no different than the "world" that we've both decried.

As your Brother in Christ , the Holy Spirit in me is SUPPOSED to be a bit more savvy than 'the world'.

You don't know what we're doing, but you simply assume we're doing wrong because we're not conforming to your idea of what Christians should do.

I didn't say that I KNEW what you were doing. I said that if you're spending time alone, just the two of you, with no accountability, that you're probably doing some stuff from which you should be fleeing. I don't have a word to which you should conform. God does. He's already spoken to what you're trying to justify.

You're really projecting your own ideals on the situation, Zaac. No one is saying that Christians should be doing what the unsaved do. Then again, in the scenario we're talking about, no one is "hooking up."

Again, if you're conducting your courtship in the same manner as the unsaved world conducts its hookups, why should anyone take your word for it? You're not expressing the Christian maturity to stay out of the possible temptation. So why should anyone expect that you're forgoing the temptation?

But if you're going to cast accusation, then how much do you do that the unsaved world does? Do you go to restaurants where they serve alcohol, even if you never order it nor go into the bar area? Do you shop at stores (Kroger, Wal-Mart, Target, etc.) that sell items containing violence, sex, and drug use, like DVDs or music?

A paragraph full of false equivalencies that have NOTHING to do with you spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex. Stop deflecting.

I have not lost my mind, Zaac, no matter how much you choose to disagree with me. Yeah, we've been together alone. It's just about impossible for two people to date and not be alone at some point. In fact, how do you counsel your "group-dates" to come to understand what a person is like away from groups if you tell them to always be in groups? At some point, two people in a relationship will be alone together. How do you counsel these folks?

Dating in groups doesn't mean you're all in each others faces. It means you do your dating where there are other people present. There is NOTHING that you as an unmarried minister of the Gospel need to be doing alone with a female. NOTHING! Lest you toss away God's call and place yourself in a position to be one of THOSE preachers.

You don't place yourself in the company of a woman unaccompanied as a pastor PERIOD.

Also, what do you tell people who cannot date in groups? I mean, consider my situation. I was 32. She was 24. Everyone else around us that we could've group-dated with were her age or younger. You can run into some mighty social awkwardness in those cases. Or do you just tell older single people to give up?

Now you're making excuses. It is incumbent upon YOU, the man, to lead her right now if she is going to be your wife. There are lots of public places that the two of you can go and be 'alone' but with other people.

You are to appear beyond reproach. And that simply will not be the case if people have reason to think you and your fiancee are fornicating even if you are not.

We've been called to a higher standard than the world. Of course they are gonna talk. But they shouldn't be talking because you've done the very thing that God has said to not do.

I love you, Zaac, but I'm mighty glad you're not my counselor. From what I can tell, if you were then I'd still be single.

According to what you've said,You ARE still single. If I were your pastor, and you told me that you were spending time ALONE with your fiancee, I'd immediately remove you from any positions of leadership if you refused to stop.

Your desire, as strong as it is, to be married cannot be placed before God's ORDER. You're setting yourself up to enter a covenant with HIM. Do it right.

No one says it wouldn't be. But you're setting up a very slippery slope of "what looks to be evil."

Naah. You know all too well what it would look like if folks saw her coming out of your house and it was just the two of you.

Unless you believe a saved person becomes incapable of sin after their salvation, then the "type" of "evil" you're talking about should be preached to saved and lost alike. All have sinned and come short of God's glory. Not just the unsaved.

Nope. This is a directive to the saved. The lost have a reason to be giving the appearance of evil as they are mired in it. As one indwelled by the Holy Spirit, we are called to be HOLY, set apart in order to point people towards Christ Who enables us to live in such a fashion.

What, exactly, do you see as the Christ-honoring version of dating?

Keeping Him FIRST. Your fiancee , at best, can only be #2 in your life. And if you two are doing those things in your dating relationship that gives the appearance of evil when God says you are to not do so, then you've already moved her and the relationship ahead of the relationship that HAS TO BE #1.

 

[righteousdude2]

Are you staying out by yourselves? If you are, I'd venture that you're probably doing some stuff where God would look at you and say FLEE!!!

You have become the biggest hypocrite on this forum. I wrote about you trying to start a topic on a new sin. You replied, and I quote, "You act like you've got rocks for brains. SMH. Where have I said staying out late is a sin?"

Now two pages later, you are treating what another has shared as something to "FLEE" from. Is that not what the Bible tells us to do when facing a "sin?"

Brother, you are nothing more than a baiter. Looking for something or someone to devour with your view of how the world ought to be!

I say, "Shame on you!" :tongue3:

 

[righteousdude2]

So you admit that you are no different than the "world" that we've both decried. You don't know what we're doing, but you simply assume we're doing wrong because we're not conforming to your idea of what Christians should do.

This is typical Zaac. You need to cut and run. You cannot win an argument with him, because he does not like to reason with others!

Just trust God that you are doing what is right in His eyes, and in accordance with the Bible. You surely don't needs this brothers approval of disapproval of your dating habits.

You'd do better talking with God, at least He doesn't have an agenda! Shalom! And move on!!! :thumbs:

 

[Zaac]

You have become the biggest hypocrite on this forum. I wrote about you trying to start a topic on a new sin. You replied, and I quote, "You act like you've got rocks for brains. SMH. Where have I said staying out late is a sin?"

Now two pages later, you are treating what another has shared as something to "FLEE" from. Is that not what the Bible tells us to do when facing a "sin?"

Brother, you are nothing more than a baiter. Looking for something or someone to devour with your view of how the world ought to be!

I say, "Shame on you!" :tongue3:

You say a lot of stuff that no one really pays attention to. Go start a poll.

 

[Zaac]

This is typical Zaac. You need to cut and run. You cannot win an argument with him, because he does not like to reason with others!

Just trust God that you are doing what is right in His eyes, and in accordance with the Bible. You surely don't needs this brothers approval of disapproval of your dating habits.

You'd do better talking with God, at least He doesn't have an agenda! Shalom! And move on!!! :thumbs:

bLAH BLAH BLAH. As much as you speak my name, one would swear you've got a crush on me.

 

[righteousdude2]

But as a Christian, shouldn't you be placing yourself in a position to flee? Do you believe it's okay to put yourself alone with someone of the opposite sex during any time of the day or night and possibly into sexual temptation?

There you go again .... making something out of nothing. As I said earlier, your purpose of this OP was to point fingers of judgement at others, and create a new sin out of dating. I think that adults who love the Lord will do and make the right decisions. Quit trying to play Ann Landers with the dating styles of others, man! Isn't it bad enough that you have called into question all of us on the Board for other issues? No you are going after those who date!

Be honest with us all, you blew when you were younger and dating, and now you are projecting your mistakes upon others, with the hope of saving them from the same mistakes you must have made along the way!? :type:

 

[righteousdude2]

bLAH BLAH BLAH. As much as you speak my name, one would swear you've got a crush on me.

Sorry Zaac. I am not that kind of man! I hold to the Word when it comes to dating those of the opposite gender! Nope! No crush here, so go look in the mirror and flatter yourself some other way! :tonofbricks:

 

[Rolfe]

You two must really hate each other. I have seen many rivalries and arguments on Christian-oriented forum sites, but you two take the pie.

Were I someone who got his first impression from you two of how Our Lord's children act toward each other, I would think that there is no difference from the worldly. You do not just disagree, you consistently make it personal.

I wonder if you two realize the impression on others and the reputation that you have made for yourselves is not flattering.

I mean no offense.