Unsophisticated Jokes

[RipponRedeaux]

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.

A man tells his doctor :"I'm addicted to Twitter."
The doc says "I don't follow you."

I'd like to start dieting. But there's just too much on my plate right now.

Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all its problems.

What's a fake noodle?
An impasta.

Okay, I know they're not knee slappers. Any chuckles? Only groans. Some people
may say "That's funny" without a smile.

Anyway, I have more 5th grade humor for you soon. Feel free to add your jokes.

 

[37818]

Why did the snowman go to the carrot patch?

To pick his nose.

 

[Salty]

did you get those jokes out of the joke book that was so clean that it was banned in Hollywood?

 

[AustinC]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your mother was pretty
What happened to you

 

[Protestant]

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.

A man tells his doctor :"I'm addicted to Twitter."
The doc says "I don't follow you."

I'd like to start dieting. But there's just too much on my plate right now.

Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all its problems.

What's a fake noodle?
An impasta.

Okay, I know they're not knee slappers. Any chuckles? Only groans. Some people
may say "That's funny" without a smile.

Anyway, I have more 5th grade humor for you soon. Feel free to add your jokes.

Recently, Bob Saget, a super-successful 'Hollywood jokester,' passed suddenly. Having worked with Bob on 'Full House,' I can attest to the fact he was not the 'squeeky-clean father' he portrayed on TV. His ultra-filthy humor may be found on YouTube (not recommended). I found the uber-praises of his co-workers, testifying to his 'saint-like' character in real life, typical of how the world judges its own. Tragically, though he had won the favor of man, he woefully lacked the favor of God, allowing him to temporarily glorify in his worldly 'success.' He now has an eternity to contemplate the 'error' of his ways.

I might add that two of his Full House co-workers are professing Christians. Yet they have no understanding of the holiness of God, nor of the holiness required of His disciples. Had they such spiritual discernment, they would not have waxed so eloquently about how 'great' a man he was, let alone that he was now 'resting in peace.'

 

[DaveXR650]

Keep 'em coming. I have grandkids.

 

[KenH]

I found the uber-praises of his co-workers, testifying to his 'saint-like' character in real life, typical of how the world judges its own.

I think most people, including religious "Christian" people, are universalists in practice, unless it is someone considered really, really bad, such as a murderer or such.

 

[Salty]

I might add that two of his Full House co-workers are professing Christians. Yet they have no understanding of the holiness of God, nor of the holiness required of His disciples. Had they such spiritual discernment, they would not have waxed so eloquently about how 'great' a man he was, let alone that he was now 'resting in peace.'

I know that Candace (DJ) is a professing Christian - I had always wondered if Candace ever shared the Gospel with Saget and the others on Full/Fuller House?

Of course Kirk, brother of Candace has been vocal of his Faith - in fact he went a bit overboard with with his TV family after his salvation.

Protestant - may we ask who the other professing Christian on Full House was; and also, your position with Full house?

As far as Saget - I had heard that his "comedy" was suited more for the room where you go, when you must regurgitate.

 

[RipponRedeaux]

Wanna hear a bad cat joke?
Just kitten.

Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.

Five out of four people admit they're bad with fractions.

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.

 

[Salty]

KenH ask me to take him to the doctor as he could not drive

He state that he had a pane in his side

I asked how that happened.

Ken stated that he knew he should not have eaten that pane of glass.

 

[Salty]

I have a joke for you
The government in this country is excellent, and uses your tax dollars efficiently.

 

[KenH]

I have a joke for you
The government in this country is excellent, and uses your tax dollars efficiently.

 

[KenH]

Hey, Salty, is it true that you got fired from a canned juice company because you couldn't concentrate?

 

[Salty]

Hey, Salty, is it true that you got fired from a canned juice company because you couldn't concentrate?

That was classified info!!!

 

[RipponRedeaux]

What did the Maine fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.

Did you know the first french fries were not cooked in France?
They were cooked in grease.

I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
[My favorite]

Two muffins were put in the oven.
One said "Man, it's hot in here!"
The other muffin said "Whoa, a talking muffin!"

 

[Protestant]

I think most people, including religious "Christian" people, are universalists in practice, unless it is someone considered really, really bad, such as a murderer or such.

I agree. Their positive qualities (according to the world's deviant opinion) always outweigh the negatives, thereby avoiding damnation, if there actually is a Hell to avoid.

 

[Salty]

...Did you know the first french fries were not cooked in France?
They were cooked in grease. ...

and they were served with Turkey on china

 

[Protestant]

I know that Candace (DJ) is a professing Christian - I had always wondered if Candace ever shared the Gospel with Saget and the others on Full/Fuller House?

Of course Kirk, brother of Candace has been vocal of his Faith - in fact he went a bit overboard with with his TV family after his salvation.

Protestant - may we ask who the other professing Christian on Full House was; and also, your position with Full house?

As far as Saget - I had heard that his "comedy" was suited more for the room where you go, when you must regurgitate.

Re: Candace - I have no idea of her Gospel sharing with the other actors. Her desire to continue to be in the Hollywood spotlight casts doubt on the efficacy of her 'conversion,' in my opinion. John Stamos was the other professing Christian. However, his choice of Hollywood roles after 'Full House,' as well as interviews on Late Night Talk Shows, reveals a man who is 'Christian' in name only. I was involved with the behind the camera production of the show for several weeks.

Kirk Cameron is, in my opinion, quite naive in his Christian theology. He does not view Catholicism as an enemy of true Christianity. He also advocates for the preposterous 'Secret Rapture' positions adhered to by Futurists, having starred in several films which endorse this fiction.

The one ex-Hollywood star who appears to have a changed life after conversion is Chris Tucker. He refuses roles which contradict the teachings of Jesus. As a result, he works very little in Hollywood.

 

[Salty]

NOTE: I have started a new thread about Christians in Hollywood
(this thread is about jokes, ect)

What Protestant started was very interesting and factual;
So please do NOT respond to the Hollywood Christians here -
Please do so on this new thread: Christians in Hollywood

 

[Alcott]

Are the locks of the Panama Canal opened with Florida Keys?