What do you think of Day Care

[donnA]

Thanks for creating this thread McDirector.

I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been said already, other than thank God for Godly mothers.

are godly mothers , mothers who do not work outside the home?

 

[Rufus_1611]

are godly mothers , mothers who do not work outside the home?

Godly mothers are those that have a natural affection towards their children. Godly mothers are those that are obedient to God's commands, regardless of how unpopular or politically incorrect they might be. These traits include being keepers of the home or taking their children with them as exhibited in one of the examples in this thread or whatever it takes to make the training and nurturing of the children a priority in their lives. I perceive a great deal of natural affection by the ladies posting in this thread and I was attempting to extend my appreciation and compliments towards that end.

 

[amity]

Another great job for moms who want to stay at home is medical transcription, which is what I do in part. My boss has a disabled child at home to care for. Many of the other women who work for her are keepers at home so they can care for their children. A variant on this is medical billing, and I think some legal transcriptionists find work at home, too. The internet has made working from home more possible, and with a pretty good income, but no benefits usually.

BTW, I am reading a book on London in 1700s. In part it speaks about women's lives and the prevalence of wet nurses. I had always thought that wet nurses were in-home care for babies, like nannies, but no, these were poor country women who would take on a half a dozen babies of upper and middle class women and nurse them ALL in their own homes, obviously on very poor milk and in unsanitary conditions, give them opium to keep them quiet, and kept them swaddled and hanging on pegs on the wall so they wouldn't have to take care of them! This is one of the reasons infant mortality was so high back then. I did a little research and it seems the conditions in the U.S. were about the same. So the current situation, however sad, is no worse than "the good old days," really.

 

[mcdirector]

We have also had friends that worked different shifts -- tough on the married life, but it did mean that someone was always home with the kids.

Conversely, I've also had friends that "stayed home." AHEM That were never home. Kids practically raised themselves. Some of them were always over here and I was so glad to have them. It just doesn't do any good to stay home if you aren't going to be there for the youngins IMHO.

 

[nwstevens]

We have also had friends that worked different shifts -- tough on the married life, but it did mean that someone was always home with the kids.

Conversely, I've also had friends that "stayed home." AHEM That were never home. Kids practically raised themselves. Some of them were always over here and I was so glad to have them. It just doesn't do any good to stay home if you aren't going to be there for the youngins IMHO.

My wife and I did the different shifts for a long time, and you're right it was hard but very much worth it. This topic is very near to me being a father of 4 kids. I have seen parents that cared more about their careers then their kids and then could not figure out why the kids were behavior problems. Has anyone seen that commercial where the guy is talking about his new car and new house and country club membership, and then says "i'm in debt up to my eyeballs somebody help me" if you haven't seen it just let me say that this is exactly what is wrong in society today. couples feel that they have to have the newest biggest and best of everything as some sort of status symbol and as a result the kids suffer so mom and dad can be successful. I know that there are some that have no choice but to have two incomes and use daycares and as someone else said daycare is not the sin. the sin is in the attitude of the heart which unfortunately so often is pride, "i want to be somebody, i deserve the best" If we would learn to sacrifice more and learn to do without, we could free ourselves up to spend more time not just witht he kids but with our spouses as well. wonder what would happen to the juvenile crime rate and the divorce rate if we were to do that ?

 

[donnA]

Godly mothers are those that have a natural affection towards their children. Godly mothers are those that are obedient to God's commands, regardless of how unpopular or politically incorrect they might be. These traits include being keepers of the home or taking their children with them as exhibited in one of the examples in this thread or whatever it takes to make the training and nurturing of the children a priority in their lives. I perceive a great deal of natural affection by the ladies posting in this thread and I was attempting to extend my appreciation and compliments towards that end.

A good mother always wants to take good care of her children, and sometimes that means she has to work. Not all husbands are able to earn gobs of money, and that excludes 2 cars, owning a house, and buying new clothes, and sometimes no medical for the family either.
People who think mothers should never work have never put their kids to bed hungry, or seen their kids picked on becasue they wear worn out patched clothes, shoes that won't fit, and no money for more, little or no heat in winter.
Sometimes working is necessary for mothers when fathers are unable to earn enough for the basics in life. And I say those are godly women, sacrificing for their children.

 

[blackbird]

Good job, Bitsy!

I would never call daycare a sin, because there are legitimate uses for it in today's day and age. There are single mommies who just have to have some help in that area, and there are two-parent homes that need some help there, too.

I do think there's great possibility for it being abused, and it turning into a very less-than-ideal situation. But this is when the parents use daycare as a substitute parent - I have seen this happen, and I know most if not all would agree that it does happen. When I worked in an at-home daycare we had one family that dropped their little boys off at 6am and often didn't pick them up again until 7pm or later.....including their days off, because the parents used those days for "relaxation". Especially frustrating was that this was not a family who really needed both incomes.....they each had very high-paying career jobs. However, this was not every family.

I like how you brought up our church's responsibilities in this area. I think we'd be doing a service to each other if we offered sort of a "church day-care" where the SAHMs sort of trade off watching the children of the ladies who need to work. Especially for single moms it could be a huge help and relief for them to know their children are in Christian homes of ladies who they know and fellowship with in their church.


Personally, I stay home with our kids....not because I can, but because we have made some personal sacrifices in order for me to do so. It is almost never easy, and we have had to have some help along the way, but God has always provided.

Good post here, Bapmom!!! And let me say this

My wife is a stay at home housewife, mother------dang------she ain't worked a lick in almost 15 years!!!!:laugh: :laugh:

Seriously----although there is no "sin" in childcare----she---from the start(get-go) has stated over and over and over to me that SHE wants to have the privilige of raising our children---providing their childcare---24/7!!!

That left us with only one income---mine----sure, we can't have all the "toys" and "gadgets" that double income people have---no fancy Ford "Expodition" or no Lexus graces our drive----just a leaky oil '94 Astro and a '02 Silverado(no electric windows, no CD player, no carpet on the floor--but its paid for)----but we have our kids 24/7 and nobody----not nobody can do it better than her and me!!!!:type: :type:

 

[tinytim]

Good post here, Bapmom!!! And let me say this

My wife is a stay at home housewife, mother------dang------she ain't worked a lick in almost 15 years!!!!:laugh:
Seriously----although there is no "sin" in childcare----she---from the start(get-go) has stated over and over and over to me that SHE wants to have the privilige of raising our children---providing their childcare---24/7!!!

That left us with only one income---mine----sure, we can't have all the "toys" and "gadgets" that double income people have---no fancy Ford "Expodition" or no Lexus graces our drive----just a leaky oil '94 Astro and a '02 Silverado(no electric windows, no CD player, no carpet on the floor--but its paid for)----but we have our kids 24/7 and nobody----not nobody can do it better than her and me!!!!:type:

Mrs tiny has made the decision to stay at home and raise our children as well... And it has been a sacrifice for us...
Like you Blackbird, we don't have the luxuries that others have, but God is supplying our needs, and we have treasures in Heaven.... What more can I ask... We just traded in our 93 taurus for a 97 Grand Prix ... We had our eye on this car for about 4 months, and God blessed us for it.... It may be 10 yrs old, with 140,000 miles on it, but it is ours, and it is dedicated to God's work.
I got 3 boys that are all boy. They are good at heart, and I owe much of this to my wife.

You said,
My wife is a stay at home housewife, mother------dang------she ain't worked a lick in almost 15 years!!!!

Now that's brave... (or stupid) :laugh:

Uh OH... look out behind you!!
Here comes Mrs. Blackbird.......:tonofbricks:

 

[menageriekeeper]

Mrs. Blackbird probably had her back turned or she'd have set the cat on poor Blackbird! :laugh:

But, Blackbird brings up a common misconception about stay at home mothering: That mothers who don't work a secular job don't work. But I don't believe that it is men who have allowed that sterotype to form and continue. I believe women have done that all by themselves. Somewhere along the line of equality (and I firmly believe that ladies who need to work or are single and wish to support themselves should have the freedom to do so), we women have decieved ourselves into thinking that raising children and keeping the home is not productive enough. Once we began to believe that, of course the men followed right along.

I'm like most of the ladies here. I work from home when the need arises. I'm a seamstress and since I have a variety of skills I can make quite a nice amount of money while at the same time taking care of my children. I don't feel that any woman who remains at home should feel that she is has no skills and is therefore completely dependent on her man. Nor do I think husband's should take the attitude that his wife would be lost without his financial support. That is not the picture of the Proverbs 31 woman(which btw I believe says quite a bit about how a man's attitude should be). I believe such attitutes lead to the weakening of the marital relationship (and even abuse) and force even more children into care situations that are not the best. Like Amy says: Mom is always best!

 

[TaterTot]

I stayed home with ours in the preschool years. I loved it so much. God opened up a teaching job at a Christian school for me, and since the public school here wasnt the route we wanted to take, it was the best of both worlds for our family.
I love that they are getting a Christian education in their formative years, and that I can be with them (and I even teach one of them). I dont teach for the $ (its very very low) but the kids go free, and its a sacrifice that we felt was worth the making. I would love to be home though.

We have never used day care, we just have sacrificed. We dont have alot of stuff, but thats fine. Thereis one day a week when the youngest needs afterschool care (she gets out at noon and DH gets her). I looked at a day care for her for the one half day a week, and I just couldnt do it. So she stays wit hme and helps me at school by cutting out hall passes and helping me keep tabs on whos talking lol.

I know day care is a must for some families, but I feel that is should be a last resort.

 

[bapmom]

But, Blackbird brings up a common misconception about stay at home mothering: That mothers who don't work a secular job don't work. But I don't believe that it is men who have allowed that sterotype to form and continue. I believe women have done that all by themselves. Somewhere along the line of equality (and I firmly believe that ladies who need to work or are single and wish to support themselves should have the freedom to do so), we women have decieved ourselves into thinking that raising children and keeping the home is not productive enough. Once we began to believe that, of course the men followed right along.

I agree with your whole post, but this part really stood out to me. It is the women in the secular world who have perpetuated this stereotype. My sister used to tell me that I was not meeting my responsibilities in caring for the family because I stayed at home. She'd say that she had always thought of marriage as being 50/50, and how could I expect my husband to do 100% when I wasn't "willing" to do my part? She used to tell me she couldn't imagine just sitting at home and "doing nothing." Apparently she believed that I was only making a contribution in the home if I was bringing in a paycheck. I have never gotten this attitude from a man, btw.
In the last few years though she has given birth to her fourth child and decided to stay home with her.........now she's told me she realizes it's work to take care of the kids all day, too!

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I do wholeheartedly believe though, that we cannot criticize daycare use if we are not willing to offer a viable option to those families who are truly in need. There are some situations where the parents are heartbroken about having to leave their munchkins in someone else's care. I think our local churches would do a great service if we could help each other set up some kind of childcare trade-off. Of course it wouldn't always have to be through the church.
I know for me, the mere thought of having to leave my kids in a strange daycare gives me the creeps......but to leave them in the home of one of the ladies from my church - that I could do with much less fear and trepidation. I can't imagine what these single mommies are going through, since they are usually in the position of having to leave their little one somewhere.

 

[RockRambler]

But at the same time, I have members in my family who have stayed home with the children, and the children were not as adjusted socially as others who had been to daycare. There's more to staying at home "for the children" than putting them down in front of the TV to watch videos all day. Sadly, that is what a lot of stay at home mothers do..not all, but some.

Always thought it was interesting..when I worked in a prison reception center that screened incoming inmates, the majority answered that they had a stay at home mom.

Day care isn't the great evil that many make it out to be, and moms who work outside the home shouldn't be made to feel guilty because they seek a career. I've always encouraged my daughters to get an education and pursue a career, so they wouldn't be dependent on a man.

 

[bapmom]

Rock,

it depends on what you mean by "adjusted socially". There are many aspects of today's society that I'd rather not have my children adjusted to. For the most part, up until the age of 3 or so children engage in solitary play - they are not doing very many group activities nor are they learning to adjust to their society. Now, after about 4 they learn how to play with others and there is more group play happening - but that is when they'd be in Kindergarten anyway, or would then have be playing with other brothers and sisters.

Im not very comfortable with the notion that daycare ought to be used for "social adjustment". I suspect that the reason those other children were more "socially adjusted" in your viewpoint was something besides their daycare attendance.

 

[annsni]

I find the idea of "socially adjusted" meaning that they can act appropriately in the group of their own age - and they maybe "follow the program" (although I so don't see this in the high school). My kids are home with me pretty much all day (I DO send them to our church preschool with my dear friends being the teachers - and they're only in there 2-3 days a week), AND I homeschool them through atleast 8th grade. When I go to the high school where my older girls are now and speak to their teachers, they are amazed that they were homeschooled - then say that they are the best behaved kids there - and the most easy to talk to. They interact well with the students AND the teachers - have new and different ideas but know how to communicate them well - without being disrespectful or a bully.

Gregg Harris (Josh Harris' dad - you know, the guy who wrote the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye") said something that I thought was quite profound. He said that kids naturally look to someone to emulate - to look up to. In a family, there's always someone to look up to that's at the next stage from them - either an older sibling or a parent or even a grandparent or extended family. In school, they're all put together with kids the same age - the same stage of learning and growing - and they're looking to the other kids to look up to. The problem is that the OTHER kids are at the same stage as them and THEY are looking for someone to look up to. So you end up with what he terms "pooled ignorance" - they're all throwing in their foolishness into the group and they're learning how to "better themselves" by looking at other kids the same as them. Proverbs talk about fools hanging out with fools - and this is a perfect example. Honestly, in a corporate day care situation, the caregiver doesn't have time to "feed" into the kids the way a parent would do - or an older sibling or extended family. They just can't do it. So the kids look to the other kids - and don't learn anything. I don't want that for my kids.

 

[Diggin in da Word]

It has been proven that children are mistreated and abused in the home just as much as in Day Cares.

The fact that some have to put their children in a day care this day and age has no bearing on whether they are godly or not.

 

[annsni]

It has been proven that children are mistreated and abused in the home just as much as in Day Cares.

We're not talking about abuse at all

The fact that some have to put their children in a day care this day and age has no bearing on whether they are godly or not.

That's the difference - people who HAVE to put their kids in day care and those who CHOOSE to. None of us are talking of those who have to - it's a tough situation but day care has it's place.

 

[mcdirector]

Day care isn't the great evil that many make it out to be, and moms who work outside the home shouldn't be made to feel guilty because they seek a career. I've always encouraged my daughters to get an education and pursue a career, so they wouldn't be dependent on a man.

We are trying very hard in this thread to make sure that this (the gulity part) doesn't happen. By the same token, women who chose to stay home shouldn't be made to feel lesser because they haven't chosen to pursue a career. We are walking a thin line here and I think we need to recognize that this isn't a one-shoe-fits-all scenario, but it is a scenario that we need to openly discuss.

 

[RockRambler]

Rock,

it depends on what you mean by "adjusted socially".

Only thing I mean by adujust socially is able to interact with children of their own age, without whining and calling for mama everytime a dispute arises.

Again, not talking about all stay-at-home moms.,

 

[Andy T.]

Only thing I mean by adujust socially is able to interact with children of their own age, without whining and calling for mama everytime a dispute arises.

Again, not talking about all stay-at-home moms.,

No, we realize you don't mean all stay-at-home moms, just a lot, like you said here:

There's more to staying at home "for the children" than putting them down in front of the TV to watch videos all day. Sadly, that is what a lot of stay at home mothers do...

I would love to see this empirical evidence of many stay-at-home mothers putting their kids in front of the TV all day.

And I also loved this astute correlative study you did while working in the prison:

Always thought it was interesting..when I worked in a prison reception center that screened incoming inmates, the majority answered that they had a stay at home mom.

In all my years, I've never seen stay-at-home mothers being blamed for the crime problem. What a hoot!

 

[RockRambler]

No, we realize you don't mean all stay-at-home moms, just a lot, like you said here:

I would love to see this empirical evidence of many stay-at-home mothers putting their kids in front of the TV all day.

And I also loved this astute correlative study you did while working in the prison:

In all my years, I've never seen stay-at-home mothers being blamed for the crime problem. What a hoot!

Yes I did say a lot. Not necessarily a majority, but a lot.


Sorry for upsetting the apple cart for pointing out something that we discovered while working in prison. Not blaming stay-at-home moms for the crime problem, but every situation with stay-at-home moms is far from perfect, as those inmates proved time and time again.

Personally, I think both sides should be a little less judgemental of the other, and try to do what is best for their individual situation. Just my experience, but I've never heard a woman in the work force put down a stay at home mom...but I've heard a lot of stay at home moms in my church put down working moms.