What do you think of Day Care

[annsni]

Just my experience, but I've never heard a woman in the work force put down a stay at home mom...but I've heard a lot of stay at home moms in my church put down working moms.

Well, let me say that you haven't had a lot of experience then. LOL!! I've heard this more times than I can count.

 

[Amy.G]

Yes I did say a lot. Not necessarily a majority, but a lot.


Sorry for upsetting the apple cart for pointing out something that we discovered while working in prison. Not blaming stay-at-home moms for the crime problem, but every situation with stay-at-home moms is far from perfect, as those inmates proved time and time again.

Personally, I think both sides should be a little less judgemental of the other, and try to do what is best for their individual situation. Just my experience, but I've never heard a woman in the work force put down a stay at home mom...but I've heard a lot of stay at home moms in my church put down working moms.

Oh, I have. To my face actually. I had a friend years ago that made comments all the time, like..."I wish I had time for that, but I have to work". Her husband made more money than mine, but she needed to work to pay for the bigger house, the new car, clothes, hair...ect. She wasn't the only one over the years that made smart comments either. We gave up the new house and car and vacations, but some are not willing to.

There are women who have no choice and I am not talking about them. I believe God watches over them.

 

[RockRambler]

Well, let me say that you haven't had a lot of experience then. LOL!! I've heard this more times than I can count.

Well, I've been in the work force for over 30 years, maybe I've been fortunate to work around some ladies with too much class to judge others.

Its an individual decision and neither side has the right to critize the other for it, IMO. Those that do, are probably trying to hide their own guilty feelings.

 

[bapmom]

Only thing I mean by adujust socially is able to interact with children of their own age, without whining and calling for mama everytime a dispute arises.

Again, not talking about all stay-at-home moms.,

this solution easily and naturally occurs in families with more than one child.........

 

[bapmom]

Yes I did say a lot. Not necessarily a majority, but a lot.


Sorry for upsetting the apple cart for pointing out something that we discovered while working in prison. Not blaming stay-at-home moms for the crime problem, but every situation with stay-at-home moms is far from perfect, as those inmates proved time and time again.

Personally, I think both sides should be a little less judgemental of the other, and try to do what is best for their individual situation. Just my experience, but I've never heard a woman in the work force put down a stay at home mom...but I've heard a lot of stay at home moms in my church put down working moms.

we are absolutely NOT being judgemental of either side. In fact, as Bitsy pointed out, we have time and again in this thread attempted to be sure not to be offensive. I truly think that the ladies participating in this thread are doing an awesome job of speaking kindly to each other and honestly evaluating our country's situation in regards to this issue without being judgemental OR harsh. Maybe we need to move this to the women only forum? The men here need not take up another's offense.

NOW, as a SAHM myself, I can tell you that there are times when work-force ladies have put me down for staying home......as I recited to you all earlier in the thread.

Im going on record now to say that do not feel any ill-will or judgemental attitudes toward any of the ladies here on either side. And actually, I think all of us are on the same side. We all see that there is a need for some kind of childcare for quite a few of our Christian families.

I have seen a concerted effort in some churches to encourage working moms (of little children) to re-evaluate their lifestyle and see if they could possibly live on one (outside) income and let mom stay home and raise the babies. Now, the churches I know of who make this effort are trying to do so in a kind, loving, non-hateful manner.....but it can be hard for working moms to not take offense, partly because they already feel bad and are somewhat defensive at the outset.

 

[RockRambler]

this solution easily and naturally occurs in families with more than one child.........

In SOME families with more than one child. I can think of three families without even breaking a sweat that have multiple children, stay at home moms, and the children do not relate well with each other or other children.

To me, it is being judgemental when people in the church say, "Well, you could live one income"...we don't know all the circumstances for someone working outside the home.

I totally agree with you bapmom when you say:

"I have seen a concerted effort in some churches to encourage working moms (of little children) to re-evaluate their lifestyle and see if they could possibly live on one (outside) income and let mom stay home and raise the babies. Now, the churches I know of who make this effort are trying to do so in a kind, loving, non-hateful manner.....but it can be hard for working moms to not take offense, partly because they already feel bad and are somewhat defensive at the outset."

Most of my female employees and coworkers over the years have expressed great regret in not being able to be home with their children.

 

[PJ]

Good thread. As someone stated earlier, daycare in and of itself is not sinful. My kids were never latch key kids, but I've worked outside our home since their birth. I've always arranged my hours around them. When they were young, I worked 4 hours daily, 5 days per week. I was off work the 10 weeks of summer, but we had to scrape and save, and we were on WIC in the summertime. I love spending time with my kids and would've done so year around if possible.

When my kids got in full time school, I up'd my hours to 32 weekly. I was there for the kids in the mornings and afternoons, I was a homeroom mother, and I went on every field trip. The bus dropped the boys off at my workplace after school in the afternoons. They had an hour of quiet time to do their homework. In fact, our 16 year old son who now drives to school still comes to my workplace after school to quietly sit and do his homework. I'm here to help him if he has any questions. Our older son did the same.

For single mothers, I see few choices other than daycare. Everyone should be leery of daycare but not all daycares are "bad". I'd pop in once in a while to see that things were kosher. But as it were, I didn't have to. We were fortunate to have my mom as a sitter during my working hours. The Lord provided a plan that was good for all of us.

 

[bapmom]

and Rock,

I can cite a secular study that showed that kids raised in daycare were far more aggressive than those raised at home with mom. The study showed that after four hours away from mom the kids' anxiety level increased drastically and they began acting out, becoming more and more aggressive. I don't really know how reliable that study is......but we could swap anecdotes all day....it really doesn't matter.

See, some people, moms included, relate better (or worse) than others with those around them. This thread is/was an attempt at figuring out what we could do about all this...........if it's only going to turn into "us vs. them" than Im not going to keep participating.

 

[bapmom]

Good thread. As someone stated earlier, daycare in and of itself is not sinful. My kids were never latch key kids, but I've worked outside our home since their birth. I've always arranged my hours around them. When they were young, I worked 4 hours daily, 5 days per week. I was off work the 10 weeks of summer, but we had to scrape and save, and we were on WIC in the summertime. I love spending time with my kids and would've done so year around if possible.

When my kids got in full time school, I up'd my hours to 32 weekly. I was there for the kids in the mornings and afternoons, I was a homeroom mother, and I went on every field trip. The bus dropped the boys off at my workplace after school in the afternoons. They had an hour of quiet time to do their homework. In fact, our 16 year old son who now drives to school still comes to my workplace after school to quietly sit and do his homework. I'm here to help him if he has any questions. Our older son did the same.

For single mothers, I see few choices other than daycare. Everyone should be leery of daycare but not all daycares are "bad". I'd pop in once in a while to see that things were kosher. But as it were, I didn't have to. We were fortunate to have my mom as a sitter during my working hours. The Lord provided a plan that was good for all of us.

what a beautiful example of working hard! :godisgood:

 

[RockRambler]

and Rock,

I can cite a secular study that showed that kids raised in daycare were far more aggressive than those raised at home with mom. The study showed that after four hours away from mom the kids' anxiety level increased drastically and they began acting out, becoming more and more aggressive. I don't really know how reliable that study is......but we could swap anecdotes all day....it really doesn't matter.

See, some people, moms included, relate better (or worse) than others with those around them. This thread is/was an attempt at figuring out what we could do about all this...........if it's only going to turn into "us vs. them" than Im not going to keep participating.

Sorry bapmom if it comes off as "us vs. them" to you. I repeatedly stated that neither side should judge the other.

 

[bapmom]

Then Rock........if you feel that it needs to be said, then all you have to do is point out that it is unnecessary to be judgemental towards those who have to use daycare. It is most certainly not necessary to "balance" the judgementalism out by adding your own towards SAHMs.

 

[bapmom]

alright, let me ask a question to the working moms......

do you think that if your local church had its own daycare, staffed by Moms, grandmoms and/or reputable young ladies from your own church......would this be a viable option to you? Do you think that you'd feel more comfortable leaving your babies there? Would this be something you'd like to see happen, or do you like things just as they are?

 

[mcdirector]

oh, please don't let this turn into an us verses them. I've done both and that would split me down the middle!

My family (kids included) made sacrifices so I could go back to school and get my teaching certificate. I didn't get to go to their classes because I was in mine. My husband did that. AND I'll be the first to admit that I could have continued to stay home but I wanted a job and I praise God for a supportive family that allowed me to do that.

We've got all ends coming at it here. It is up to each family. I'm sorry feelings have been hurt. There are know-it-alls and ms. & mr. superiorities at both ends.

If a mom wants to stay home and really can't afford it, what can we as a church do to help her?

If a mom wants to/ has to work, what can we as a church do to help her?

(bapmom -- I must have been typing this as you were typing your question to working moms )

 

[bapmom]

double post

 

[mcdirector]

alright, let me ask a question to the working moms......

do you think that if your local church had its own daycare, staffed by Moms, grandmoms and/or reputable young ladies from your own church......would this be a viable option to you? Do you think that you'd feel more comfortable leaving your babies there? Would this be something you'd like to see happen, or do you like things just as they are?

You know, this could be a huge undertaking as well as a magnificent ministry. My committee chair wheels are turning . . .

 

[RockRambler]

Then Rock........if you feel that it needs to be said, then all you have to do is point out that it is unnecessary to be judgemental towards those who have to use daycare. It is most certainly not necessary to "balance" the judgementalism out by adding your own towards SAHMs.

Thank you for the Christian way you accepted my apology.

 

[RockRambler]

You know, this could be a huge undertaking as well as a magnificent ministry. My committee chair wheels are turning . . .

At the churches I've known that offered daycare, it was a wonderful ministry and the church membership grew. "moms-morning-out" has also been very successful for SAHMs.

 

[bapmom]

You know, this could be a huge undertaking as well as a magnificent ministry. My committee chair wheels are turning . . .

you know, it could also answer one of your questions about moms who want to stay home but can't really afford it. This could offer a job that they could do and still have their own kids with them.

We've been considering starting our own at our church once we get our new building done.

 

[PastorSBC1303]

My wife and I had to put our two oldest kids in daycare for awhile during seminary. It was not an easy step at all, in fact the first day we took our oldest daughter I cried like a baby. However, God provided in those times and both daycares we had our girls in were really good situations with providers that truly cared for the children. In fact, we still keep in contact with one of the ladies who wants regular updates on all of her kids as they get older.

Thankfully the last several years our schedule has made it possible for our kids to be at home all the time now. My wife works a part time job, but she works on days in which I can be home with the kids.

Putting kids in daycare is definitetly not a sin. However, I agree completely with the idea that it should always be a last resort.

 

[James_Newman]

At the churches I've known that offered daycare, it was a wonderful ministry and the church membership grew. "moms-morning-out" has also been very successful for SAHMs.

Does offering daycare encourage mothers to follow the scriptural mandate for women to be keepers at home? Or does it encourage them to work outside the home? There are many ways to grow church membership, but they may not be in accordance with scripture.