Bad Advice Only

[Palatka51]

Beat and flog all posters.

Rake the garage.

I need to get a few things done and don't have time.

Go over to your neighbors and take out all their clocks and bring them home with you. Now you have all the time you need to get things done.

A buzzard is digging up my tomato vines.

 

[SaggyWoman]

Set an electric heater out by them.

My lawnmower isn't fixed yet, and my grass is long.





(What is really bad is when you give bad advice for what you think the problem is, and then when you realize what the real problem is, the advice even becomes worse.........)

 

[abcgrad94]

Use your scissors to cut the grass.

I'm afraid Palatka is going to catch me digging up his garden. What should I do?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Find him before you dig and spray mace at him.

I am angry with my boss and need to share some things about why. How should I do it?

 

[Salty]

I am angry with my boss and need to share some things about why. How should I do it?

You need to buy time on a radio station...


I need to put a new fuel pump in my car, but I dont know the first thing about auto maintenance

 

[Melanie]

A bicycle is much easier to manage with the renewal of the fuel pump....sleep and then hop on.

Should politicians have annually renewable licenses....if they lie more than say 12 times....they are disqualified from office?

 

[abcgrad94]

Oh no. Politicians shouldn't qualify for office unless they lie at least 100 times!

What's the best way to get Sunday morning pew warmers to come back for the evening worship service?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Serve beer, nuts, and have a football game televised in the baptistry.

I want to take a break but my boss won't let me. What should I do?

 

[abcgrad94]

Pretend you started smoking. Smokers always seem to get extra breaks at work.

Hubby is a lark, I'm a night owl. How on earth can we stop interrupting each other's sleep patterns?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Sleep in someone else's bed.


I have to go to the bathroom and there isn't one convenient. What do I do?

 

[Salty]

Sleep in someone else's bed.


I have to go to the bathroom and there isn't one convenient. What do I do?

Carry a shovel in the trunk of your car.


What do I do if a Catholic priest wants to purchase air time on my Christian Radio station to do a program?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Let him do it as long as he is willing not to say "Hail Mary".

What should I do when the baptismal waters are too cold?

 

[Gib]

Setup several electric heaters as close as you can around the baptismal pool.

I've been asked to teach a youth bible study while the youth pastor is away. What should my topic be?

 

[Salty]

Setup several electric heaters as close as you can around the baptismal pool.

I've been asked to teach a youth bible study while the youth pastor is away. What should my topic be?

How the mice play, when the cat is away





What do I do if I forget the username of the person I just quoted?

 

[Gib]

Make up a name that can't be pronounced in the English language.

My wife asked if her new haircut looked good on her. What should I say?

 

[webdog]

Make up a name that can't be pronounced in the English language.

My wife asked if her new haircut looked good on her. What should I say?

Are you going for Larry, Curly, or Moe?

How do I get the windows to not streak?

 

[Gib]

Try using a claw hammer.

My cousin has four cats and 3 dogs living in her tiny home. The odor is quite strong and overwhelming. She just doesn't understand why people don't like hanging out at her place. What would be a good way to break the news to her?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Give her a gift basket of Febreze, Lysol. Odor Eaters, Ka Boom, Round Up, bleach, Fly Strips, and a litter box. And clothespins for her nose.


How do I tell someone their husband is having an affair?

 

[Gib]

Catch the affair on video and show it to her with friends and family.

My kid just got braces and is having image issues. How can i cheer him up?

 

[SaggyWoman]

Make him cut his hair like a nerd and wear clothes like Steve Erkel.




One of my co workers really annoys me. How can I make them stop annoying me?