Bad Advice Only

Remind it.

Washing machine, dishwasher, and water heater are out, all at the sane time...what to do?

 

Sell the house "as is" and move, preferably to a place where all appliances are included.

My wife has to work all three days of the Memorial Day weekend. Now what?

 

Buy an old Ford Excursion. If they claim that thing isn't a mobile home, they need eyeglasses.

I'm genuinely distraught that Mike Moustakas was sent down to Omaha. How can I get the Royals to bring him back up?

 

Give him some Injections and sign up for the hall of fame.

I am struggling to get to spend time today with five different friends who don't get along.

 

I hope you cancelled on them, told them you didn't have time for the drama that day. Now text them references to good Christian therapists.

Barbequing for friends tonight. Hickory chips, or mesquite?

 

Both. That way next time they won't want to come over and eat your BBQ....

My goat won't say "naaaah".....now what?

 

Shoot him. He's probably a Democrat.

Got a basement I'm trying to get framing started on. Three times the last week, pouring rain has made the lot impossible to work on. What to do?

 

Host mud buggy races until the weather changes.

We have a 100,000 mile warranty and engine trouble at 102,000 miles. :BangHead:

 

Pay a mechanic to turn the odometer back to 98,313.

Toadstools growing in the yard from all the rain. And ... ??

 

Kick all the toad stools over and make the toads sit on the ground.

Drain under the house is clogged. When it rains, water stands in the crawl space.

 

Move your house to a drier climate.....


Car won't start. Need to leave pronto....

 

Inject some nitrous into the fuel system. It'll either start, or blow up.

(And what are you doing in Pronto, anyway?)

Rained all day and all night, water got behind the flashing over the first-floor windows and ran down the basement walls. Suggestions?

And no, I didn't build this house.

 

Buy some bricks, mortar, a wheelbarrow, shovel, gravels, sand, burlap sacks, and bring your neighbor over and say, "Merry Christmas", and show him his new presents. Then jump in your car and come and get me here in Pronto.

My foots swollen and asleep....

 

Go jogging.

They threw my newspaper in the wet grass this morning. Hints on drying it out?

 

Hold it up to your face and speak to it. That'll either dry it out or burn it up.


To slow for jogging...

 

Hop around several times on the leg with the sleepy, swollen foot until it feels awake and the swelling goes down.

Need ammo for the .45 -- steel or brass jacketed?

 

Buy some ammo for an old Sharp's .50 buffalo gun and make'm fit.


I have a bunyan and a corn on my foot....

 

I've got a KA-BAR knife I could lend you ...

The truck that picks up yard bags didn't come yesterday, and hasn't come yet today. Any suggestions what to do with soaking-wet lawn clippings?

 

Take that newspaper you spoke dry, wet it again with water, and burn those soaking-wet leaves....


Truck's broke down again...