Bad Advice Only

Spray paint. It will look like new clothes.


Phone with unlimited data is giving me a "Data usage warning".

 

Give the phone a stern talking to and make it sit in the corner and think about what it did.



I need to get a bloodstain out of the driver's seat of a used car I'm trying to sell. Thoughts?

 

Get an inch worm and see how many "paces" it takes.


I want to build a house.

 

Don't do that. Just find someone with a big house, sneak in, and do your best to stay hidden in one of the little-used rooms. Problem solved.



I'm nearing my 100th post here on BB. How should I celebrate?

 

Invite the BB to have BBQ at Shane's Rib Shack. :smilewinkgrin:


Yellow Jackets in the yard have several escape holes. :tonofbricks:

 

Hire a contractor to pave over your entire yard, then line it out as a parking lot and charge people to park there in order to recoup your losses on getting it paved in the first place.




I feel like holding a press conference. What should I do?

 

Wear permanent press and go to school in a different conference.

 

The previous poster did not create a problem.

I will create one myself.





It is cold here at the restaurant I am using wi fi in. How can I warm up?

 

Oops

Campfire in the dining room.


Presentation at work tomorrow and I have to wear a tie.

 

Wear it as a headband, while you wax on, wax off eloquent.

Coming down with a cold, and I have a big week ahead of me...

 

Take your temperature every other minute and eat cold chicken noodle soup. If that doesn't work, eat the thermometer and go lay down.




I have a fork stuck in my forehead. If I move it to the left my right leg kicks. If I move it to the right, my right leg kicks. Is something wrong with my left leg?

 

Not sure. Hit the fork with a mallet and see if it makes both kick. If not, you do have something wrong.


After a day off from work, I have to go back tomorrow, and don't want to.

 

Just wait until you feel like going back to work. After 30 or 40 years you might decide to go back.


Headache gets worse when I lie down, and it's past time to go to bed.

 

Put your head in a bench vise, and go hand-tight plus a half turn. 30 minutes should do it

How can I get my son to remember to bring his lunch box home from school?

 

Proximity alarm - makes a loud embarrassing noise if he get too for from the lunch box.



No more cafeteria in the building where I work.

 

Bring in loads of food and open your own cafeteria in your office, charging only slightly less than the old cafeteria, but still turning a profit. You might have to ask plant management to bring in an oven and refrigerator for you.





One of my iPod earbuds popped off the wire and is now stuck in my ear.

 

Well, seeing as I'm not sure what you did with Charlie, giving you advice on what to do without is difficult. But I would've coated the walls of my house with white vinyl and basically turned my entire house into a giant dry erase board. Gotta keep the thoughts organized somehow, right?






My cat won't come down from the ceiling fan.