Bad Advice Only

You're on the U.P...just wait...Winter is Coming.


I tihnk one of the keys is jammed on my keyboard. It's the qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq

 

Turn your keyboard upside down and smack it 3 times with a hammer.


˙pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ʎɯ ɥʇıʍ pɹıǝʍ sɯǝǝs buıɥʇǝɯos ʍou 'ǝʞoɹq ʇ’uıɐ ɟı buıɥʇǝɯos buıxıɟ ʇou ɟo ǝɔıʌpɐ ǝɥʇ ʇobɹoɟ ı

 

Turn your monitor upside down.



I have a thumbtack stuck in my right ear...

 

Get some silly putty and jam it in your ear as well. It should catch the tack so you can pull it out.



I have a horrid rash in a bad place. How can I overcome the pain?

 

Take a hammer and whack both big toes and your left thumb, put some chewed bubble gum in your hair and then brush your hair, and then wax you eyebrows completely off. You won't feel the pain of your rash afterwards. Problem solved. You can donate to your favorite charity in my name for my payment.

Gravel truck stuck in my front yard...

 

Organise the Marine Corp in looking after folks in a dementia unit for breeding tough guys...


Stye in my eye

 

Get some silly putty and jam it in your eye as well. It should catch the stye so you can pull it out.




My gravel truck is stuck in some guy's front yard and he's trying to charge me rent...

 

Explain your brilliant idea of putting a screen door on every submarine in the fleet. If that fails, then explain that you can't get on a boat with sea-sickness pills and a rubber duckie.




I now have a thumbtack and a wad of silly putty stuck in my ear...

 

Go on Dr. Phil. He can get to the root of the problem of why the thumbtack and silly putty are stuck in your ear...

I am charging $350.00/day to the guy(he's an over-the-hill ex-marine who got discharged because he put screens on a submarine) whose dumptruck is stuck in my yard, but he's only willing to pay $3.50. What do I need to do?

 

Forgive his debts as you forgive his trespasses...




I got the thumbtack out, so Yay! But then my dog ate the silly putty with the thumbtack in it...

 

This, too, shall pass.


I think I ate something Yesterday and I itch all over today. How do I make it stop?

 

Look in the mirror first, before you refuse to go out with her....

A man ran me off the road and is now coming towards me shaking both fists...

 

The handyman's secret weapon...duct tape. "Red Green"


I took my wooden legs off and threw them at him and now he has them. I can't run. What next??

 

Throw up your hands and see if that helps. And don't drag your butt.


It's cold outside and I have to leave and go home. What to do?

 

Stick your head in a deep freezer for 30 minutes so that when you step outside it feels really warm.....

Can't stop the hiccups and water and holding my breath for 10 seconds don't work...

 

Stick your head in a deep freezer for 30 minutes. That should do it.




I hate children and I work with them for a living. Help!!