Featured How Much Authority Should Women Have?

If the wife does not support your ministry you will end up dead in the water. Churches will see this as a problem.

 

I guess I would call a marriage counselor

 

The sentiments in the OP generally reflect the unfitness of the husband in ministering to his family (especially his wife) and therefore demonstrate the unfitness of the man to administer the church of God.

And yes, I'd start reading and applying stuff in 5 Love Languages, Letters to Philip, etc. ASAP to recapture the heart of my woman. Actually I've already done this having foreseen the ends of some possible roads that weren't pretty! The honeymoon only lasts so long. If I lose my woman I've lost it all.

And having been in the ministry for over a decade now, I realize that it's only by the grace of God that any of our marriages last. With selfish pride and a few missteps, any of us could find ourselves in the position of the sentiments expressed in the OP. Let us never forget that.

 

There are times when a spouse grows to this position due to several usually hurtful circumstances.

 

Much Water Under The Bridge...

I am a man who, in the course of my life, since I was saved in 1977, has been married now three times. My first two wives both initiated and carried out divorce proceedings against me and went on to remarry other men. I am remarried now to a faithful Christian woman who I believe with all my heart will be faithful to me until death. The strange circumstance about all of this is that I am FIRMLY against divorce for any other reason than adultery...and even then I think all efforts should be made to seek reconciliation.
I said all of that to say this...none of us are guiltless in these matters within our homes and our families. I have no problem with the FACT (as I see it) that Scripture teaches that I am no longer (if I ever was) qualified for a Pastorate ministry or to be a deacon in a duly constituted local New Testament church. I could still PREACH or do the work of an Evangelist of many other useful and purposeful functions in the church that scripture nowhere prohibits. A Pastor or Deacon must be a man (men ONLY)that is faithful to his one wife and in control of his home so they can be an example to the church. JMHO

Bro.Greg:saint:

 

my guess would be that......"she sure is purdy"!

 

Odd, isn't it, how so many of these angelic IFB men wind up with wives that (they claim) turn out to be such rotten Jezebels.

 

Most of these men sell their birthright in Esau-like manner, cuz they'll 'die w/o...'. Then they try to claim it back, and lo, and behold: Jacob is there, stealing it again.

Then they claim 'the woman that thou gavest me'.

 

Jerome, I don't think the issue is limited to IFB pastors. Broken relationships and lives show up across the spectrum, perhaps, it is because our humanity.

 

From the OP:

 

Dr. Charles Stanley went through this very issue, his wife feeling he was more attentive to his church duties than to his husbandly duties. The church determined there was no serious sin on the part of Dr. Stanley and asked him to remain as pastor.

Was the church wrong?

Was Dr. Stanley wrong in accepting?

 

he did not start the divorce, correct?
he still views himself as being married to her, correct?

Wouldn't this be a situation of a scripturally divorce, no remarriage, and up to the church to decide if staying as pastor?

 

I have wrestled with the "Stanley" issue for some time.

Generally, I come down that he needed to step down.

The Scriptures are clearly on that side.

That the assembly made such a decision is to me a problem. Stanley should never have given them the opportunity - too much emotionalism and opinion driven decision making to afford the best decission.

Disconnect,

You and I both know that marriage problems (especially those such as Stanley) did not occur over night.

Here is what I would probably have encouraged the assembly to do (they could financially afford to follow my advice).

1) Place Stanley in a paid administrative position.
2) Pay for a home far away from the assembly in which the two could retreat and repair. They would be required to regularly attend a local assembly.
3) Require a certain level of commitment that both would pursue Scriptural grounds to be reconciled. I would also have, periodically, some written documentation from them as to the issues and progress of resolution.
4) At no time would I allow ANYONE from the assembly to contact them. I want no "tale bearing" and no "personal interest" interference from "well intentioned" folks.
5) If and only if after a complete reconciliation, both to each other and to God, I would then bring them back to the assembly. They would present themselves for examination, and then, provided the assembly was satisfied with the answers, he and his wife would be charged to find another place in which to lead and serve - again, far away from the original local assembly.

I wouldn't expect the length of time to be less than a year or two.

Now I know you have had your own thinking on the matter, and am interested in what ways you might have handled the situation.

At any rate, who am I to judge another assembly in this matter, I just grieve that the man has met with such trouble.

 

I'm a foreigner here in this fundamental forum section so bear that in mind when reading my contribution.

Marriage is a partnership. There is give and take. A woman with no authority in a marriage is not a partner but a servant.

A good husband will listen to his wife, heed her advice and bend and sway with her needs.

If her demands seem unreasonable and out of character, it would be wise to discuss why she would make them and consider various options.

If a wife makes a demand and the alternative is divorce, then IMO, the husband has been neglecting the relationship for far too long.

That being said, there are also instances where there is an unreasonable, inconsolable or unconscionable spouse. There you may be dealing with a form of mental illness. A man needs to set his priorities and do what is right.
Sometimes it will mean putting her above other priorities - and that will be tough (but be a man and do it!), other times it may mean you accept the bad choices of your mate and divorce. Sometimes there are intermediary positions that are best.

Rob

 

I think this exactly what First Baptist of Atlanta should have done. They didn't do this, I think, because of who Stanley is, and the misguided notion that his failure somehow reflected on the church itself. I still respect Stanley, and believe he could have continued as the driving force behind In Touch Ministries throughout (as he did anyway) provided he repented of his sin against his wife and his marriage publicly, and allowed someone else to be the "face" of In Touch. Perhaps he should have listened to Andy? I've suspected this is precisely what Andy was telling him all along.

Good post, A/M. :thumbsup:

 

You are correct. A man called to be pastor will fail without Christ and his wife in full support of him. The question of how much authority should a woman have should never come up. That in itself indicates a red flag. The relationship between a pastor, his wife and Jesus Christ, should be natural, quite clear, without conflict, and in perfect harmony.