Featured Josh is now in rehab .....

I've watched them over the years and even read their website and articles, but not because I feel good about them as a family. I've worried about them long before any of this ugliness came to light. I'm NOT pleased that this sin has occurred and come to light and I will never say .... "well, I saw that coming" like some do.

Here's what has concerned me over the years:

• The older girls have a code word - "Nike" (sometimes "modesty!") - whenever they see a woman that in their opinion is improperly dressed. They yell out the word and that's the cue for their father and brothers to look down to the ground. To me, that's teaching that men can't control their own thoughts and young girls are in charge of tempering their thinking. That bothers me. It's teaching the family to look for it, but not how to deal with it. When John David became a volunteer at the local fire department, his twin sister initially went with him as a chaperon.
• Raising those children took too much of those older daughters time. It was not uncommon to see them co-raising them. I'm all for sibling chipping in and taking responsibility for family chores and helping with little ones, but this was too much to the extreme. In Michelle's own words, the household wouldn't work without that system and the older children were responsible for daily dressing, feeding, teaching, playing with and caring for the little ones. Well, what did SHE do?
• Their associations past or present with Doug Phillips, S. M. Davis, Bill Gothard, and Michael and Debi Pearl are extremely unhealthy. If you don't know what these people taught/teach about marriage and family, you should educate yourself. They claim to have distanced themselves now, but I don't believe it was until it was made known how destructive some of these family teachings were. Michelle has confessed to using blanket training on her babies. Look that one up - it will make you very angry.
• Michelle teaches an unhealthy view of marital relations. A wifely "duty", if you will. She teaches that you must say yes, if you are sick, fatigued, or just don't want to ..... it matters not. Why? Well, she says he will just go to some other woman. Again, she is advocating that a man is akin to a beast and is not responsibility for any self-control. Let's say a Godly husband and wife have a special night planned. He goes to work and she goes to work and they are both excited for the night ahead. She starts feeling feverish and has to come home. By the time he gets home, she is showing some early signs of the flu and she feels like death warmed over. He's disappointed. She's disappointed. But he tells her as they go to sleep that they will make it up later and that he loves her and that he is right here if she needs him to do anything and for her to get a good sleep. That's a Godly husband and wife and a normal way of thinking.
• I personally feel by watching Michelle over the years that she has a baby "craving" and an attention-seeking problem. I don't see Jim Bob as having that problem, but he has unrealistic expectations of his children. The constant smiling family, the constant perfection, and the constant agreeing with every thing he says is not normal.
• Michelle and Jim Bob monitored every skype, every cell phone text, and every communication between their daughters and their future husbands. Every time they were together, they were chaperoned. These girls were in their early 20's. Imagine, never having a private moment with the person you marrying - until you are married. In fact, Jim Bob and Michelle during one of their pre-marital counseling session with Jessa and her future husband demonstrated kissing techniques to them. This is not normal.

There's a whole lot more, but either you see it or you don't.

There's a huge undercurrent of unhealthy thinking going on in this family that is not really delved into in the show and to me, it's destructive.

 

I'm not saying and have not said that every time a person commits vile acts that they were taught this at home.

I have said and am saying that sometimes you have to look at what mindset was molded in a person growing up that lead them to sin - of their OWN responsibility.

Lots of people were raised in dysfunctional homes and don't do these things. Lots of people were raised in good and stable homes and DO commit these acts.

But when a person DOES get as deeply entrenched as Josh is, I think it's profitable to look at his childhood and raising to see if any teachings could have made him lean in this direction.

No, Jim Bob is not responsible for Josh's actions as a man.

But some of the things he learned at home contributed - in my opinion - to his excusing his own behavior.

We ALL excuse our own behavior - and I think it is necessary to look at why.

 

Thank you to the posters who have actually answered my question.

It's my own fault that this thread has wandered around. I think my thread title had done that and I had too many points to ponder in my OP.

To answer my own question as someone has asked.

I don't know the answer.

I do know this much. The church has GOT to talk about these things. Not in a "scare-the-sin-out-of-you" way or to make people feel so dirty that they won't confess to anyone or come forward for help.

But the church has got to teach and teach openly about how serious sexual sins are (ALL of them, not just our pet peeves) and where to find deliverance and that people aren't alone and that seeking help from brothers and sisters in the Lord is a good start.

Other than that - I don't know what to do.

 

Thank the Lord!! I wish more people would!

And I wish more posters would respond to the point of my OP.

 

You are not being thick-headed.

My OP was to tell that Josh was in rehab and ask what do we do to prevent the rampant addiction problem of this nature from destroying more families.

I did not want to get on the rabbit trail about the family, but I did mention the family in the OP and some asked me about it.

I wanted to stay on the discussion of protecting our families from this - and how the church can help.

I appreciate your initial response. I, myself, don't really have an answer.

 

Thank you, this makes sense to me.

 

From my den chair, while watching an episode of the show about a couple of years ago, I saw the girls walking in town with their family calling out the code words, giggling about it, and the boys looking down.

With. my. own. eyes.

I don't do gossip rags.

As far the rest of your opinions of anything I say .... I won't try to convince you any longer.