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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Jokes & Humor (Clean)' started by RipponRedeaux, Jul 27, 2023.

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  1. canadyjd

    canadyjd Well-Known Member

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    Man comes into his home carrying a duck. His wife says, “what in the world are you doing now!”

    The man says, “this is the dragon I was telling you about.”

    The wife says, “you stupid idiot, that’s a duck!”

    The man says, “quiet you! I’m talking to my duck!”

    peace to you
     
    #61 canadyjd, Nov 21, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 2
  2. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Aftermath... Man sleeps on couch with duck... Brother Glen:)
     
    #62 tyndale1946, Nov 21, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 3
  3. Deacon

    Deacon Well-Known Member
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    I’m not sure this belongs here but I don’t think anyone will complain

    My favorite Venn Diagram
    Illustrates why words and phrases need context

    upload_2023-11-23_21-0-46.jpeg
     
    #63 Deacon, Nov 23, 2023
    • Like Like x 3
  4. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    Are you sure your apartment is okay?
    I heard there's a lot of window pane (pain)

    I'm really worried about my calendar.
    It's days are numbered.

    Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.

    What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
    One is a superhero and the other is a command.
     
    #64 RipponRedeaux, Nov 24, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. Piper

    Piper Active Member
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    Don't throw sodium chloride at people.
    That's a salt.
     
    #65 Piper, Dec 15, 2023
  6. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    I struggling to unearth the mysteries of lightning. Then it struck me.

    I want to tell you about a woman who only eats plants.
    You probably have not herbivore.

    Someone said I should try singing tenor ---10 or 12 miles away from earshot.

    I've started investing in stocks : beef, vegetable and chicken.
    One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.

    I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes .Now I have Heinzsight.

    How much does a chimney cost? Nothing. It's on the house.

    Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
    He was a lousy king, but he made a great ruler.
    ______________________________________________________________
    I know you figured out the last one long before I got to the punchline.
     
    #66 RipponRedeaux, Dec 18, 2023
  7. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    A Riddle :

    There's a boatload of people, yet there is not a single person on-board.

    How is that possible?
     
    #67 RipponRedeaux, Dec 18, 2023
  8. kyredneck

    kyredneck Well-Known Member
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    ...they'e all married...:)
     
    #68 kyredneck, Dec 18, 2023
  9. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    You got it!
     
    #69 RipponRedeaux, Dec 18, 2023
  10. RipponRedeaux

    RipponRedeaux Well-Known Member

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    I was strolling through the jungle the other day. I came upon a lizard standing upright and telling jokes. I spoke to
    the local tribal leader and told him that that lizard is really funny. He replied "That's not just any old lizard. He's a
    stand-up chameleon."


    My friend said she wouldn't eat a cow's tongue because it came from the mouth of a cow.
    I gave her an egg.

    My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right. Jack and the beans talk.
     
    #70 RipponRedeaux, Dec 19, 2023
    • Like Like x 2
  11. tyndale1946

    tyndale1946 Well-Known Member
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    Every year, Smitty and his wife Martha went to the State Fair. And every year, Smitty would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year, Martha would reply, "I know, Smitty, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

    This one year Smitty and Martha went to the fair and Smitty said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "

    Martha replied, "Smitty, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

    The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Smitty and Martha agreed, and up they went.

    The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Smitty, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

    Smitty replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"... Brother Glen:Roflmao
     
    #71 tyndale1946, Dec 19, 2023
    • Funny Funny x 2
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