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Joke Thread
- Thread starter RipponRedeaux
- Start date
RipponRedeaux
Well-Known Member
Are you sure your apartment is okay?
I heard there's a lot of window pane (pain)
I'm really worried about my calendar.
It's days are numbered.
Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero and the other is a command.
I heard there's a lot of window pane (pain)
I'm really worried about my calendar.
It's days are numbered.
Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
One is a superhero and the other is a command.
RipponRedeaux
Well-Known Member
I struggling to unearth the mysteries of lightning. Then it struck me.
I want to tell you about a woman who only eats plants.
You probably have not herbivore.
Someone said I should try singing tenor ---10 or 12 miles away from earshot.
I've started investing in stocks : beef, vegetable and chicken.
One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes .Now I have Heinzsight.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing. It's on the house.
Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a lousy king, but he made a great ruler.
______________________________________________________________
I know you figured out the last one long before I got to the punchline.
I want to tell you about a woman who only eats plants.
You probably have not herbivore.
Someone said I should try singing tenor ---10 or 12 miles away from earshot.
I've started investing in stocks : beef, vegetable and chicken.
One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes .Now I have Heinzsight.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing. It's on the house.
Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a lousy king, but he made a great ruler.
______________________________________________________________
I know you figured out the last one long before I got to the punchline.
RipponRedeaux
Well-Known Member
A Riddle :
There's a boatload of people, yet there is not a single person on-board.
How is that possible?
There's a boatload of people, yet there is not a single person on-board.
How is that possible?
RipponRedeaux
Well-Known Member
You got it!...they'e all married...
RipponRedeaux
Well-Known Member
I was strolling through the jungle the other day. I came upon a lizard standing upright and telling jokes. I spoke to
the local tribal leader and told him that that lizard is really funny. He replied "That's not just any old lizard. He's a
stand-up chameleon."
My friend said she wouldn't eat a cow's tongue because it came from the mouth of a cow.
I gave her an egg.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right. Jack and the beans talk.
the local tribal leader and told him that that lizard is really funny. He replied "That's not just any old lizard. He's a
stand-up chameleon."
My friend said she wouldn't eat a cow's tongue because it came from the mouth of a cow.
I gave her an egg.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right. Jack and the beans talk.
Every year, Smitty and his wife Martha went to the State Fair. And every year, Smitty would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year, Martha would reply, "I know, Smitty, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
This one year Smitty and Martha went to the fair and Smitty said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "
Martha replied, "Smitty, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Smitty and Martha agreed, and up they went.
The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Smitty, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Smitty replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"... Brother Glen
This one year Smitty and Martha went to the fair and Smitty said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance. "
Martha replied, "Smitty, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Smitty and Martha agreed, and up they went.
The pilot performed all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He even does a nose dive, pulling up 15 feet above the ground, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Smitty, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Smitty replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, ...but ten dollars is ten dollars!"... Brother Glen