Featured I used to be a Mormon: AMA

Thing about Mormons who leave Mormonism is that an awful lot of them flip the switch to straight atheist or agnostic. Going from "this is the one true church on the face of the earth and everyone else is deceived" to "oh snap I guess *I* was the one who was deceived... none of that was true" is a tough quantum leap. The default reaction is to reject all organized religion, if not God in general. The sense of betrayal by religious leaders is.... rather deep.

To the relationship question:

Friends: I had one friend who understood, mostly because he hasn't really attended the Mormon church with any degree of regularity in at least five years. What other friends I did have, they are now gone.

That being said, this is going to sound weird but Mormons are really really bad at making or staying friends with Mormons. Their friendships are largely determined by who is in their immediate congregation. As soon as that person moves or the boundaries of the congregation change, those friendships dry up and die surprisingly quickly. We had this happen numerous times with friends we thought were as close as one could be - as soon as the congregation boundaries changed, we never saw them again despite them living in the same house and the same distance away. It's a weird dynamic, and one I could discuss further.

Family: my youngest brother and I left about the same time. My sister is dangling, and therefore understands somewhat. My oldest brother is so die hard Mormon that he'll probably never change his views, but he's also not the shunning type so he was ok with it, relatively speaking. My parents less so. Mom cried, dad frowned, etc. They're not going to sever relations, but I'm a big disappointment to them.

I don't worry about extended family (over 100 cousins etc) because I don't interact with them much anyway.

Advice: if you happen to meet a Mormon exiting Mormonism, be very kind to them. You may not know it, but we've spent our entire lives being taught that members of other Christian churches literally hate us. The first time I stepped foot in another church I was afraid they would find out I used to be a Mormon and toss me out or ridicule me or whatever.

You have to realize, Mormons don't pray for other churches or other Christians - the only reason they might is to convert them from being Christians to becoming Mormons. Other than that, all Christians are "sorely misguided", "don't know the truth", and are missing out on all the awesomeness that is Mormonism. Meanwhile, "don't get too close to those Christians because they don't like us. Just look at how they kicked us out of Illinois and forced us to live in Utah!"

Also realize that ex-Mormons are sifting through the rubble of their faith and, if they're lucky, rebuilding everything they once knew. It's a very hard process and the programming is deep. Be patient with them.

 

Oh, sorry - I missed this question.

Temple marriage is basically annulled when you renounce your membership. Matter of fact, so is your baptism, your priesthood, and any/all of the ordinances you did in the temple. When you renounce the Mormon church, you are in effect renouncing your own salvation and family (by their rules, anyway).

 

I dipped my toe in several Christian churches before I "settled". Mormon Sunday worship is.... exceedingly dry. Same hymns for over 170 years, same sermons, same prayers, very rote. You seldom hear any instrument outside of a piano or organ. For most Mormons, that's comforting and change is scary so that's what they end up with.

For my part, the church I attend has a choir, acoustic guitar, bass player, oboe, clarinet, minor percussion, and assorted piano and organ. The hymns are a variation on traditional and modern. The weekly sermons are, "Let's open the Bible to where we left off last week and see what God has to tell us", followed by an hour of scriptural exposition. I love it, because I've never really been taught the Bible with any degree of fervor. When the Bible IS used in Mormon services, it's cherry-picked verses and a "this is why we're right" utility to it. Nothing salvific really discussed.

My brother attends a more Evangelical style church. Contemporary music, theme-based sermons, plenty of variety. On the other hand, he would have preferred a church more like the one I attend. He's just 3,000 miles away from me and his options are fairly limited.

I think the denominations ex-Mormons end up in is partly a function of "what feels familiar" and partly "can my kids find a home here". We're very family based, and raising kids with strong values is of the highest importance. Worship style is almost secondary to that. I would say a terciary factor is governance style. In Mormonism, you have no say over who leads, what they do with the money, what is taught, how it's taught, nothing. You either like it or you're some variation of an apostate. Having more say in how things are run and operated can be important to those who have never had any option other than authoritarian octogenarian whimsy.

 

Sounds interesting. I will say I've picked up and read just about every book mentioned in any sermon or Sunday School so far. I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do.

 

The short version is they don't really have that same notion of the "Spirit of Christ". They prefer to ruminate on the idea of the "Holy Spirit", which comes in only two flavors:

1) The Spirit of Christ, sometimes referred to as "the light of Christ", which is a gift to all mankind that helps them identify truth, know right from wrong, serve as a kind of basic conscience. It's not the Holy Spirit proper, but a Holy Spirit-lite version that serves as a kind of flashlight for darkened, fallen mankind.

2) The Gift of the Holy Spirit, which ONLY Mormons can receive (sorry, Christians) and only through a Mormon Elder with the Melchizedek priesthood. This is like a semi-permanent version of the former, and comes after Baptism through the laying on of hands by said Elder. This is a kind of in-dwelling of a member of the godhead, basically, which is why it can only be bestowed by an Elder who got his priesthood going back through a line to Joseph Smith/Peter, James, and John/Christ Himself.

I'm curious what your take is on the Spirit of Christ. It's certainly not a concept I got a lot of exposure to, at least not in the Mormon paradigm.

 

I served two years in what was called the Arizona, Tucson mission. Ironically I never served in Tucson; I spent most of my time in El Paso, TX (it was a big mission). I think they've since sliced that into several pieces. Great for learning spanish, but unfortunately doctrinal debates with other church clergy just entrenched me further.

I'm half certain that's sort of the intended result of missions for Mormons: you become inoculated to doctrinal disagreements. The idea that other churches "just don't like Mormons" or "are deceived" is reinforced by the constant battles. I'd say the number of Mormon missionaries who are converted out of Mormonism during their missions is very near .01%. The shame from not finishing a two year mission is bad enough; the shunning you'd get for changing your mind on the cult altogether would be darn near fatal.

Suffice it to say that I had doctrinal debates with Baptists, Evangelicals, Catholics, etc and it did next to nothing to sway me.

Also, forgot to mention I am a BYU graduate, as are all my siblings and my mother. My grandfather actually taught electrical engineering there back in his day.

 

Not sure I follow you entirely, but mostly we didn't spend a lot of time contacting missionaries of any persuasion. Although I've heard "Flirt to convert" is a thing, it's not a method I ever employed.